Reepicheep's Coracle

Practicing the Positive Discipline Tool "Compliments"

2012-01-30T18:29:00.000-05:00

I just read this awesome post from Jane Nelson's Positive Discipline blog, and it has inspired me to focus this week on complimenting people in my life.

I can be kind of a critical person. It's something I'm working very hard to change. I am learning to keep my temper in check and to say the negative things that need to be said in a kind way. But that's only one side of the problem. I want to work on focusing on the positive things about the people around me, not just on dealing with the negative things more calmly and rationally.

So, this week, I am going to compliment the people around me. I am going to tell Livy and Aaron the good things I love about them. I am going to point out to my students when they do well. I am going to say the nice things I think in my head about strangers out loud to them.

How is this different from praise? Its aim is not a change in someone's behavior; its aim is justice. If I told Aaron how helpful he was after doing the dishes in order to manipulate him into doing them more often, that would be praise. And, in my opinion, it would be kind of sneaky and unhealthy. But if I tell him how much I appreciate his help around the house because I do appreciate it and want him to feel appreciated, that's a compliment.

So, to start myself off, here are a few compliments I should hand out:

1. Aaron, you are so supportive of my goals. Even when you are not loving what you are doing, you support and cheer me on when I am loving what I am doing. I think that's a sign of real love.

2. Livy, you are getting so good at apologizing when you hurt my feelings. It's so mature, and I really love how it feels when we interact more as equals. It makes me think of how great it will be to hang out with you when you are all grown up.

3. Jenn, you are an amazing listener. You always remember what I have been up to and ask about it and then really listen to my answers. It makes me feel very important to you.

4. Brendan, I was super impressed with you calm and productiveness through all of last week's stress with the house.

5. Miranda, I love hanging out and talking with you so much. You are a really fun conversationalist, and I'm glad that we got to know each other and didn't let any age difference or anything like that stop us from being friends.

6. Anonymous student (whom I won't name here), your responsibility in working, going to school, and taking care of your mom blows me away.

7. Anonymous student (whom I won't name here), I appreciate your diligence in my class. It's clear to me already that you are willing to do whatever it takes to work on your writing.

I'm going to be sure to say these kinds of things to the people around me, not only so that they can hear the truth, but so that I can practice focusing every day on the wonderful things about the people around me.

Introvert-Proofing the House

2012-01-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

At ATLOSCon 2011 (yes, all the way last year), Miranda gave a class about the concepts in The Not So Big House. Basically, the book says that you should set up your house for the way you actually use it and want to use it, not the way people set up houses traditionally. We brainstormed the way we used the rooms in our house, and I realized that the living room (the largest room in our tiny house) was hardly ever used.

This got me thinking about what kinds of things I would like to change about the way we use our house. See, Aaron uses his office A LOT. Basically, he is holed up in there a lot of the time doing mystical things with computers and routers and printers and black pop-up boxes on the computer screen.

Livy also uses her room A LOT. Basically, she is holed up in there a lot of the time watching TV, organizing her things, doing art, making projects, and playing with her toys.

It can be hard for a person like me, who is very extroverted, to live with these two extreme introverts, and I would love for them to come out of their rooms more often and do their introverty things next to me. I don't even want to bother them (well, I want to, but I can stop myself from doing it); I just want to have them in the room with me while I do school work, write on my blog, do household chores, etc.

So, since I am the kind of person who chooses not to manipulate the introverts in her life, I told them both about how I wanted us to parallel play more. They were both open to this idea, and we decided to rearrange the furniture to make that easier.

Last weekend, we finally got around to doing it. We moved the dining room table out into the living room and moved both the couch and the loveseat into the dining room. They are pretty squished in there, but we use them very rarely and almost always when hanging out drinking wine with Miranda. We don't mind squishing in with her.

We also set up a big sturdy folding table and new bookshelf in the living room to serve as a desk for me, and we set up a computer for Livy at one end of my desk. So, the plan is for her to play minecraft and do her computery things near me while I work on school stuff.

We also now have this great big table out in the room, where we can all do our projects. That part, at least, is already going according to plan. This afternoon, we all sat around the table--Aaron cleaning his guns, Livy cutting out and assembling zoo animals, and I reading aloud from an archaeology magazine. It was great fun, and not just for me! So the introverts like the set-up too!

We are also getting a TV for that room, so that I can do yoga videos in the new big open space and Livy can play Wii games (we'll all probably do that a little bit).

I'll let you know how the schoolwork/Minecraft part of the plan goes, but I wanted to let you all know that doing some strategic planning and rearranging of the house can help the isolated extroverts get the parallel play they want from the introverts in their lives. Miranda, your class changed our whole dynamic!

In Which I Make It Clear That I Agree with RationalJenn About Baby Eating

2012-01-23T19:34:00.000-05:00

Jenn, friend of my heart and partner in crime, being the kind person that she is, would never eat a baby. Just so you know. Here is her statement that the Atlanta Objectivist Society would also never condone the eating of babies.

To Whom It May Concern:

The principal members of the Atlanta Objectivist Society (ATLOS) would like you to be aware that we do not advocate the eating of babies, even deliciously adorable ones with smooth skin and squeezable cheeks and beautiful smiles.

We would also like to make it plain that we do not automatically sanction every utterance someone makes at any of our events. We expect those who hear something they do not like or disagree with to seek out the individual in question and gather more information as necessary and sufficient to support making an independent decision about that individual's claims or character. We especially expect people to do that because we pride ourselves on our crazy senses of humor and are as likely as not to make outrageous and inappropriate jokes on a regular basis.

Sincerely,

The Management

I would like to echo her sentiment that baby eating is definitely not something we advocate. We also do not advocate the following:

selling children to the gypsies
beating people to death with jars of peanut butter
going to hell
strangling your loved ones with pet anacondas
pinching people's heads off
keeping lions in closets in order to have people who contradict you eaten up

However, these are all things that I have said, right out loud. Since I must publicly disavow all crazy things that people may flippantly say, I thought I better tell you all that I do not actually advocate any of the above. In fact, I think that people who actually do them should either go to jail or return to the myths they came out of (yes, I'm talking to you, Orpheus!).

For future reference, if I say anything really outlandish involving cartoon-like violence, especially if I do this funny guttural utterance from my diaphragm while saying them (known as a laugh to those of us who have a sense of humor - you can google it) or if I say them with a flourish and then leave the room in a huff, you can say in your head, "Wow, I think that's this thing I heard of called sarcasm or hyperbole or a joke. It's so cool to see an example in real life. I am going to notice them every time they happen, and one day, with much study, I will have a sense of humor like a real, grown-up boy!"

Here is what I do advocate: Get a fucking life, people. And fast, before your seriousness, like natron on a mummy, sucks all the life juices out of you and dries you out like a humor-less, fun-less, wrinkled-up old prune.

The Suspension of Judgment

2012-01-12T12:54:00.001-05:00

I have a professor this semester who is very concerned with the class suspending our judgment. I get his main point; he wants us to thoroughly understand an argument before we go agreeing or disagreeing with it. He doesn't want us to make snap judgments or to refuse to open our minds and consider new arguments.

However, I am irritated with his presentation of it. I cannot suspend my judgment while understanding an academic argument. I have to judge each piece of the evidence, each logical step, each implication, in order to move on to the next step of the argument with any real kind of understanding. How can I clearly understand what a writer means without judging his evidence and logic as I go? Following an argument without judging it as you go seems like a gigantic waste of time, at the very best. "Now that I have completely understood what John Q. Academic means, I will start again and decide if his argument makes sense."

I feel a little insulted that he thinks that we won't have open minds, consider evidence and ideas that are contrary to the ones we hold now, and change our opinions if warranted. I also don't like to be told that I haven't considered long enough to have an opinion (just to be clear, I was not personally told this. It's a whole class kind of thing.) I know when I understand something; no one else can have that information about me. The only thing he can really do is point out to me if he thinks I have misjudged or not considered something relevant.

And no, I have not read the entire body of work by the author or even the entire book under discussion. Just consider that whatever I say is preceded by "At my present level of understanding, considering the information I currently have (including the assigned reading), taking into account the context of my knowledge, ...."

I think this actually says more about the state of graduate students that it does about this particular professor. He has said this so many times that I can't help but think he must encounter closed-minded students who don't think things through or understand their own level of understanding pretty often.

Yuck.

Things I Learned on My Travels Aside from the Order of Succession of the Monarchy

2012-01-05T10:17:00.000-05:00

I learned many things on my travels. I know a lot more about the early kings and queens of England, and that's saying something because I knew a pretty good amount before. I know more about human evolution, about meteorites, about Roman mythology, and about online writing centers. Here are some different lessons that I learned:

Always, always wear your barefootshoes. No matter how stunning you think you look in your new black boots, DONOT WEAR THEM FOR WALKING ALL DAY! How do people wear shoes like these all thetime? They weren’t even heels!

When in England, eat Indian foodat every meal.

You get used to extreme cold andwind after about a week and don’t need your scarf and extra layers anymore. Youalways need your gloves, though.

Don’t bother with an umbrella. Nomatter how much it is raining, the wind is always stronger and really does turnumbrellas inside out! I thought that was just in movies!

When you travel alone, you meetlots of interesting people. The days I was on my own, people talked to meeverywhere I went. I met a Hungarian Ph.D. student, a father of a choir member,a man sitting at a café, a man taking the same walk I was who shared mydistaste for a piece of modern art, and a nice old lady at church.

Always take the guided tours atcathedrals. The guides are always hilarious old people who know EVERYTHING anduse the word “jolly” a lot.

Don’t pay attention to the reviewsof English hotels. They are written by Americans who are used to convenienceand space, and they always rank hotels low for being small and inconvenient.This isn’t helpful because everything in all of England is small (except forcathedrals) and inconvenient (except for drinking alcohol).

Never drive in York.

Cornish pasties are pretty good,but they do not rhyme with “tasty.” Instead, they have a short a sound, likenasty. A pAYsty goes on a stripper’s nipple.

The British believe very strongly inreligious services and tradition and cathedrals, but not so much in god. Incontrast, Southerners could worship in an outhouse if someone brought a NewTestament with the words of Jesus in red.

If you have the misfortune to bein a train station with Aaron, go ahead of him. Then you don’t have to watchhim be slow, stop randomly in the middle of walkways, and wonder which way isout when the sign saying “WAY OUT” is right in front of his face. Just gothrough the station and wait for him patiently outside.

If you want even passable serviceat restaurants, stay in America.

No matter how long you stay, therewill be things you didn’t see that you wish you had. Apparently, you can neverbe done with a rich, interesting country like England, especially London.Samuel Johnson was right: “A man who is tired of London is tired of life.” Forexample, I never made it to Samuel Johnson’s house.

Pack half of what you think youneed. In one week, your cleanliness standards will drop to the point that youwon’t care if you are wearing dirty clothes. Plus, they have washing machinesin England. They are small and inconvenient, but if you are worried about that,see #7.

3 weeks is a long time to be away from your own beloved child, but some trips can be worth it. Even if you dread putting the sleeping child into her own bed for days after you get back and you actually think watching her do needlepoint is interesting. :)

Canterbury, the Final Day: Day 21

2012-01-04T15:58:00.001-05:00

(written yesterday)

Today was my last day in England. Tomorrow we fly home. I amready to go home; I miss Livy, our friends, and my home. I am also really readyto get back to work and school next week.

But I’m sad to be leaving, too. This is the longest tripI’ve ever taken, and, though I was afraid I would get sick of being away after3 weeks, I loved being away this long. I feel like I got really settled intotraveling. I got over the frenzied feeling of needing to see everything andrelaxed into a pace that works for me. Aaron and I had lots of time togetheralone, which was awesome, and we also stayed long enough to want some timealone. Time alone in England ROCKS.

So today, I went to Canterbury on the train by myself. Iwalked to the cathedral and toured it with a guide. The highlights for me werethe tombs of Edward the Black Prince and Henry IV. It was funny to me that theywere buried right there next to each other when Henry IV, dreadful usurper thathe was, killed off Edward’s son, Richard II, to get the throne. But I guesspeople don’t care who they end up hanging out with when they are dead.

It was cool to see the place where Thomas Beckett wasmurdered, but thanks to that douchebag Henry VIII, may harpies plague hisspirit, the tomb, Beckett’s body, and everything to do with him was destroyed.Henry even dared to wear a jewel off of Beckett’s tomb on a ring. And guess whoalso wore it before it disappeared? Blasted Mary Tudor.

Speaking of Mary Tudor, have I blogged about our householdgods? We have a space on the mantle where we keep images of historical figureswe love. Right now, Jane Austen, Shakespeare, and Einstein are up there. I’vebeen looking for Isaac Newton for a long time; somewhere on the internet is afinger puppet of him, which would be perfect, but I can’t find a way to orderone. On this trip, I bought a Darwin bust to add.

I also started a new tradition associated with our householdgods. I bought too hated figures to put up there as voodoo dolls, with pinsthrough their vitals. First, Mary Freaking Tudor, of course. When I stick her,I will think of Thomas Cranmer, an Anglican priest she burned (among the manypeople she burned) who wrote the beautiful Bookof Common Prayer. I also got William the Conqueror, who will get a pin inhonor of my beloved Anglo-Saxons. If you ever find that you need to buy me apresent, here are the other figures I want: Newton, Asimov, Keats, Henry VIII(able to be either stuck with a pin or beheaded), E.M. Forster, Gerard ManleyHopkins, Chaucer, and Werner Von Braun, who needs to be hit with a V-1, but apin will have to do.

Back to Canterbury.

After the cathedral, I went to the super-cheesy andoh-so-wonderful Canterbury Tales “Museum.” Basically, you get an audio guideand walk through scenes from the tales, while Chaucer tells you basic contextabout pilgrimages to Canterbury and retells some of the most famous tales. Itwas dark and the mannequins were creepy! I would not take small children therebecause they would be terrified. The Wife of Bath mannequin in particular wasghastly. As the audio guide tells the tales, lights shine on different parts ofthe scenes. You start in the tavern, move through the Knight’s Tale (withstained glass window projections of the brothers), the Miller’s Tale (withmoving wooden butt that hangs out of the window at the right time), the Wife ofBath’s Tale (more stained glass looking projections), the Pardoner’s Tale (withcreepy silhouette of the friend’s funeral that the 3 dudes see), and the Nun’sPriest’s Tale (with a movable Chanticleer that goes up a tree).

If you can imagine the animatronics of the Rainforest Café,combined with a wax museum, combined with the Canterbury Tales, you’ve got theright idea. After the stories, you see a scene of Beckett’s tomb in theCathedral. This place was just awesome, and I wouldn’t have missed it for allthe dignity in the world (which I had to check at the door and one other timewhen I had to ask for directions to the “museum”). It was the world’s biggestball of twine for English majors.

In the afternoon, I took a walk through Canterbury, by theNorman castle, along the river, and back to the city center. I had hotchocolate and read for a while and then went to Evensong at the cathedral. Thechoir was very good, and I liked the arrangements better than any I’ve heard onthis trip.

Now I am stuck on a delayed train somewhere betweenCanterbury and London, and these train people need to know that they aredelaying my birthday dinner of Chicken Balti!!

New Year's and 33rd Birthday Plans for the Future

2012-01-03T18:08:00.001-05:00

Right now, I am sitting on a train on my way to Canterbury,eating ham, cheese, double cream, and carrots and drinking champagne. Not a badpicnic to kick off my birthday! Since my birthday comes so close to the beginning of the newyear, this time is doubly reflective for me. It’s not just the start of a newyear; it’s the start of MY new year. I’m 33 today, so I am starting off my 34^thyear. That sounds like a lot. J

My 2011 in Review post reminded me of how amazing last yearwas, how many adventures I had, how much progress I made in school and work,and how much I have grown and changed (for the better). Thinking about andwriting this post is my chance to imagine the coming year and to make plans (Iwon’t say resolutions because that makes me feel all bound in by rules andlaws.) for adventures to come.

Here are some of the adventures I intend to pursue thisyear:

The assistant director of the writing center jobmay come open this year, and I want it. I have been working toward that goalfor the past semester as well, and I intend to keep learning how to be a bettertutor, a better manager, and a better researcher to make myself more qualified.

Aaron and I are planning two big trips nextyear, and we are taking Livy with us (assuming she wants to go and is willingto get the required vaccinations for the second one).

This summer, we are traveling in theNorthwest, probably through the Dakotas, Montana, Washington, Oregon, Wyoming, and a bit ofNorthern California. Livy has been a part of planning that trip, and I am sureshe wants to go. We want to do a lot of hiking and stay mostly in the countryin National Parks, but we’ll see a few cities too (Seattle and Portland areplaces I have always wanted to visit).

Over next Christmas break, we are planninga trip to Costa Rica, Bolivia, or Chile. All three destinations have been onAaron’s list for years. This is the tripthat Livy and I will have to discuss. I think she’ll want to go, but will she wantto go enough to get a bunch of shots? I sure hope so because I am dying to takeher with us! I think she will love the kind of outdoorsy vacation Aaron wantsinstead of the looking-at-musty-books kind of vacation I really love. J

I want to memorize poetry. The few poems that Ihave memorized bring me a huge amount of joy, and I want to increase that storethis year. One poem a week may be too ambitious, but I’m going to try that outand see what happens. If I don’t get that many done, no worries. These are notresolutions of things I have to do; they are pleasurable visions of what I wantthe future to hold. If they stop being pleasurable, I’ll get a new plan.

I bought a wonderful little pocket-sizedanthology called The Ruins of Time:Antiquarian and Archaeological Poems at Blackwell’s Bookstore in Oxford.Doesn’t that sound like the perfect poetry collection for me? A quote from theintroduction: “The distant past is brought to life in the brilliant mimicry ofKipling or Auden, or brooded on elegiacally by Housman or Larkin.” So, in honorof this new book and its contents that seem specially selected for me, I thinkmy first new poem to memorize will be “Ozymandias” by Shelley. It is the poemin the collection I am most familiar with and the one I often desperately tryto remember when thinking over “Dust in the Wind” and human mortality. (Yes, Ido that often. No, not in a morbid way. No, it doesn’t make me sad.)

In preparation for our trip to Costa Rica oranother Spanish-speaking country in about a year, I want to brush up my Spanishand see if I can reach a new level of proficiency. I’ll be using Rosetta Stoneand trying to find native speakers to talk to, and I hope I can convince Livyto learn some Spanish along with me.

After hearing Evensong so many times on thistrip, I have decided that I need to get back into singing in some way thisyear, and in a pretty good choir. Singing in college in a great choir prettymuch spoiled me for groups who just sing for fun and aren’t that great; I can’tstop hearing the wrong notes! I know of a good summer chorus, but I am going tolook for something sooner than that. At the very least, I will go to moreSacred Harp singings until I can do the summer chorus.

Finally, I don’t want to let the feeling that Ihad in Blackwell’s Bookstore slip away; I want to be more diligent aboutserious study outside of my research and classes. I am very busy, and when I amin school, it can be hard to add more reading and writing to my life. But I wantto continue to read some classics (perhaps more ancient and medieval ones), doa bit of Latin (Greek will probably have to wait for its brush-up until I amout of school), and write consistently on my blog (particularly travelnarratives, stories about my past, and things I want to ponder from books,school, conversations, etc.).

I love that I have finally found a career and a relationshipthat make me look forward to the new year with so much pleasure and so muchhope. I have gotten so much better at saying no and not doing things that don’tmake me feel great, and, finally, my life is full of things that I love and onlygetting fuller.

Back to London: Days 19 and 20

2012-01-02T16:36:00.002-05:00

I am too tired to write up an interesting post, plus I am ready to come home, which saps my blogging energy. But I am afraid that I will not be able to remember the details of what we did our last few days, so I am going to make a boring list.

Sunday, Jan 1

Moved our luggage to Mayflower Hotel at Earl's Court
Ate a crappy Chinese lunch (The Chinese food I had at the restaurant in our airport hotel the night before was the best I've ever had.)
Natural History Museum (amazing animal exhibits, felt guilty for going there without Livy because she would have LOVED it, missed Livy more because of how much she would have LOVED it, boring minerals compared to Tellus Museum, okay evolution section that gave us many things to look up, awesome volcanoes, earthquakes, and tectonic plates section (must learn more about the continents and their movement patterns)
ate delicious Indian food by myself while reading new Rick Riordan book

Monday, Jan 2

Aaron and I split up today. He went to the Museum of Science and loved it. Better than Museum of Science and Industry or Smithsonian, he says. I did the following:

Return visit to the National Portrait Gallery to see Victorians through contemporary
Lunch at the cafe in the NPG
Walked around the Westminster area, across several bridges and along the Thames
Return visit to Westminster Abbey, went to special prayer service in Edward the Confessor's Shrine (which is usually closed to the public), heard Evensong in the Abbey
Walked from Abbey to our hotel (a pretty long walk), which was brisk and cool. London is a beautiful city at night.
Met an ecomonics PhD student from Hungary who walked with me the last 10 or 15 minutes of the walk home. She is staying in London a few days by herself. Made me want to do solitary travel.
Met Aaron at the hotel and had Lebanese food for dinner. Too much lamb, but delicious lemony sauces.

My 2011

2011-12-31T12:30:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the things that I did in 2011:

Traveled a bunch: Texas, SnowCon in Denver, Nashville, Mammoth Caves, Las Vegas, the Natchez Trace, my mom's house in Mississippi, and England.
Told my birth story on my blog and finally achieved peace about what happened.
Got snowed in!
Planned (with Jenn) and attended our awesome ATLOSCon.
Was witness when Livy learned to read!
Really found my place in my education and future career plans. I started work in the writing center, which will be my research focus, and started planning my thesis, a study of "tutoring for transfer." I also found that my teaching and tutoring work and research is deeply connected to the positive discipline work Jenn and I have been doing for years. Yay integration!
Did lots of podcasting and speaking engagements, also with Jenn.
Gave Crossfit a good try and decided it wasn't for me, at least not right now. Did lots of walking (and I mean lots) to train for the England trip. Fitness level definitely rose this year.
Grew a very productive vegetable garden in containers.
Had an amazing summer of leisure with Livy full of nothing but fun, learning, and adventures.
Accepted the apology of a person who deeply wronged me and hurt me badly and learned to let go of being angry.
Led an Ender's Game Reading Group for ATLOS.
Faced up to jealousy of a friend and let that go too. This has been a big year for letting go and for peace.
Read about 40 gazillion books. When I get home, I'll do my end of the year book stat post. Until then, here's my post about the books I read in the first half of the year.
Got better (but still not perfect, of course) at communicating effectively. I really practiced this year, and, as you can see from all the letting go and such, I had lots of chances to work on it.
Made lots of new friends at school and really felt, for the first time, that I am a part of that social community, including finding a great new friend and mentor who is farther along in the program than I am.
Deepened some existing friendships, grew apart from others, spent time with family, loved Aaron and Livy violently.
Wrote a lot on this blog and at school. My writing, both narrative and academic, improved.
This blog morphed into a travel blog, pretty much. Don't know if it will stay that way, but this was a year of serious travel for me.

I am excited about starting 2012. It will be my first year to teach a freshman writing course, and we are already planning two trips for next year (a roadtrip to the Northwest this summer and (probably) Costa Rica over Christmas. Never in my life have I had such a great year or looked forward to such another one. My thirties are turning out to be my best decade ever, full of fun and love and getting emptier and emptier of the insecurities and worries of my twenties. Look for a resolution post for the new year in a day or two.

P.S. As I chose labels for this post, I had to choose nearly every label on my blog because it seems I spent the whole year all wrapped up in all my favorite values. No wonder it was such a good year. I can't even think of anything bad that happened in it! (Though Aaron says that doesn't mean it didn't happen, I live by Elizabeth Bennet's philosophy: "Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.") In the end, I had to delete all those labels because there were too many for Blogger to accept.

My Second-Best Goose Chase Ever: Days 17 and 18

2011-12-31T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Aaron and I embarked on a crazy wild goose chase, destined for failure. We saw Holy Island on the map, an island just south of Scotland in the North Sea, where Lindisfarne Priory was (and its ruins still are). That priory is where the gorgeously illuminated Lindisfarne Gospels were made. Besides that huge draw (at least for me), the island can only be reached by a causeway that is underwater at high tide. We wanted to drive up on a whim and see if we could find a B&B to spend the night in on the island.

Sounds lovely, right? Well, the reason it was a crazy goose chase was that I knew for a fact that the Priory would be closed to visitors (for the winter season) and there was a good chance that all the guest houses would be as well. If we hunted one up for too long, we could get stuck on the island for 6 hours until the tide went back out with a place to stay. If the guest houses weren't open, chances are that the pubs and cafes wouldn't be either. And, we don't have a phone or any reliable internet access away from whatever hotel we are staying in.

However, we went. Why not? This trip is for adventures, and this island certainly qualified. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY.

We drove up from Penrick mostly in the rain, but not a hard rain. Seeing the causeway was even neater than we thought. We drove out to the island at nearly dark and marveled at the escape towers out on the sand, at the grasses and seaweed that lives both in dry and wet land (depending on the tide), and at the small part of the island itself that floods twice a day. It was pouring rain, but we managed to find out that the entire island closes down after Christmas until April. No hotels, no restaurants, no priory, no nothing but amazing views. We were expecting that there would be barriers preventing cars from entering the causeway at the high tide times, but all there was was a sign with tide times and a picture of a submerged car as a warning to follow them.

We drove off the island at dark, just as the tides were about to come back in and cut it off from the mainland. Luckily, we found a hotel one mile from the causeway with a restaurant and pub attached, and the rate was very reasonable because apparently we are the only people crazy enough to come to Holy Island in the winter.

We weren't ready to eat, so we drove into Scotland. Just to the tip of it, just to say we did. Scotland looked much like the part of England that was 5 feet away.

We had dinner in the pub, including a few pints of cider for Aaron and way too much wine for me, read "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" until we were sleepy, and konked out early.

We got up early to go to the causeway at sunrise. We timed it so there would be light and the water would still be out over the road. We were able to walk out onto the road as far as the water and watch it recede in front of us. We saw an animal poke its head up above the water again and again, swimming in a sleek graceful way across the water. We couldn't decide what it was at first--too graceful for a turtle, too big for snake. We saw later that this part of the North Sea has a huge seal colony, and it must have been a seal! There were also millions of birds, flying against the orange sunrise and purple clouds. It was amazingly beautiful and one of the highlights of our trip.

We had breakfast after and headed south along a coastal highway, back toward Newcastle where we had to return our rental car. The ocean was stunning! I had never seen an ocean that didn't meet the land at a beach, and we saw cliffs dropping away into the waves, beaches, and fields full of cows sloping down to the water.

We drove right up to a beautiful castle in Bamburgh (picture); it was closed for the season, but I walked down along a path that ran at the bottom of the walls where they were built right out of the stone. From the top of the hill, we could look out over the North Sea to the Farne Islands, tiny islands (only some of which are visible when the tide is high) and see a lighthouse and a tiny chapel.

On the drive south, we also passed through Alnwick, which was my favorite of the northern towns we saw. It had an old beautiful downtown, like Newcastle and Berwick-upon-Tweed, but it was also thriving and clean and busy. I wish we had had time to go to the Gardens, but we did stop and walk on a path through a sheep pasture beside the river Aln. When I say through a sheep pasture, I mean it, too. We went right up beside the flock. We have seen a lot of sheep on this trip, enough to make me cynical about their existence (kind of like armadillos), but I thought it was neat to be so close to them. On the other side of the Aln was Alnwick Castle (our view of the castle), more beautiful, I thought, than Bamburgh Castle, though Aaron disagrees. Alnwick Castle was used in the filming of Harry Potter, and you can see it here in a still from the movie.

If we have a chance to return to Great Britain (probably on a trip to Scotland and Ireland), we would definitely return to the Northumberland Coast. I would love to visit the Holy Island in the summer, when the hiking would be pleasant, and I would like to spend a day or two in Alnwick, exploring the castle, the Abbey, the footpaths around the town, and the lovely city center.

Now, we are on a train headed back to London. It's the crazy train, for sure. So far, here are the nutty people I've seen (while Aaron sleeps, oblivious to the crazy):

A lady with a dog who starting hysterically shrieking and running down the aisle when she missed her stop, causing the dog to hysterically bark
A family with possibly the worst behaved children I have ever encountered, even in Walmart, who made me wish to be nearer the barking dog
A little boy who got himself locked into the bathroom and banged on the door until someone let him out, the only person on the list I felt sorry for

We are spending the night tonight at a hotel near Heathrow (to be away from crazy New Year's Eve partiers), and then tomorrow we are back to our dear Mayflower Hotel near Earl's Court (the site of the beginning of my love of Chicken Balti).We have a few more days in London before we go home on the 4th of January. I will return home, now aged 33, satiated on adventure for a little while, and glad to see Livy again.

Driving through Hell: Days 15 and 16

2011-12-29T17:04:00.001-05:00

So the last two days really sucked. There were moments of glory that I'll tell you about, but mostly big suck-ola.

We left Newcastle yesterday in a rental car, headed along Hadrian's Wall. I was very excited about this part of the trip, so when it turned out to be a miserable windy and rainy day, completely unsuitable for hiking. I was very disappointed.

There were a few highpoints. We saw a neat part of the wall, so straight and regular and well-preserved compared to the more modern boundary walls. There was also a moment that may have been my favorite of the whole trip when we fought our way down a path to a Temple of Mithras in the middle of a sheep field against 50 mph winds and freezing rain. It sounds awful, I know, and Aaron thought it was awful and only went because he loves me so very much, but it was exhilarating! I could lean back against the wind a little and not fall over! And it made my coat blow out behind me and made my cheeks red and bright. There was something primal about fighting the wind, almost like fighting backward against the current of time rushing at us, fighting to get to that temple. I left a coin to propitiate Mithras (and so along with Jesus and Sulis Minerva, whom I have already propitiated with candles and coins, I ought to be covered!). We also saw some lovely hillside country and a lot of sheep and a Roman fort or two on the hills.

We spent the night in a cozy little B&B and set out again this morning for York and the Viking Center. The drive was nice, and we loved seeing the country change from hills to flat land that I think might be moors (but no ghostly hounds were there to make me certain). The awful part came when we tried to get into York. It was comical how terrible it was. We learned never, never, never to drive in York. There is a ring road that looks on the map like it would be easy to stay on, like I-285. Oh no, that is not the case. There are hairpin turns, about 40 roundabouts that are unlabeled, and apparently the Brits haven't learned east and west yet. Once, we actually ended up in the middle of an intersection in a pedestrian only area. We had to honk at people to move to get out of the shopping area. We hated it so much and got lost so often that I groaned every time I saw the York Minster Cathedral in front of us, though I had been wanting to see it.

Finally, finding the parking lot that we had been struggling toward for over an hour and there not being any spaces and York Castle looking a lot like a sheep fold we saw this morning, just set up on a hill, we escaped out the first highway we came to and cared not a jot for the Cathedral or for the Vikings.

We ended up at the Yorkshire Air Museum, which was small but a lot of fun. Aaron got escorted by a worker into the private workshop to see a Harrier, which is a jet that can take off vertically, in case you are the British Air Force and don't have any carriers or other defensive technology other than planes designed in 1961 that are still in use. The man was super nice and seemed so sad that the Royal Air Force and Navy were so reduced. We also saw a big ass beige airplane that they named the Nimrod.

We wandered the hanger and a couple of outside planes, just like we do at Warner Robbins, and it turned out to be a lot of fun, though it rained on us. Rain here only lasts about 5 minutes, so we just ducked in a building and waited it out.

Tomorrow we are doing a crazy plan. It will probably turn out miserably, and I'll write about how ridiculous it was tomorrow night. But we don't care because it will be a truly great adventure, even if it's a disaster. We are going to drive through the North Yorkshire Moor National Park (because I am just fascinated with moors) and up to the Scottish border. We are going to wait for the tide to go our, drive across a causeway that is only available during low tide, visit Lindisfarne (a priory and castle famous for the amazing illuminated manuscripts produced there) though we probably won't find it open, attempt to find a room on the island (Holy Island) on the spur of the moment (because you can't book them on the internet), and drive back out to the mainland late at night, when the tide is low again if we can't get a room. We'll report on this adventure later.

Aaron comments:

I can't believe that people don't gamble more when there are gambling machines EVERYWHERE. No one is ever using them.
If I were a sheep, I would just off a cliff (like a "theoretical lemming") if I had to live in this weather. (But, says Kelly, as Aaron insisted yesterday, sheep cannot jump or else cow grates would not work on them.Maybe the dissatisfied Aaron-sheep would just fall off the edge of the cliff passively.)
Yorkshire has crossings for deer, tractors, ducks, cows, and TANKS!!!

Kelly's extra comments:

Aaron is very good at driving a stick shift and on the wrong side of the road. However, he is a timid city driver and stops at green lights just like Mamaw. He needs to take amphetamines before heading toward a city center, especially a pedestrian-only zone.
If we sound slap-happy, we are. It's the only way to survive the city of York with your soul intact.

Lazy Day and Train Day: Running of the John Bull Line, Days 13 and 14

2011-12-27T11:42:00.000-05:00

Boxing Day was a lazy day. We slept late in our posh hotel; I have a visit to the steam-room, sauna, and pool; and we walked out for lunch in the early afternoon. One artichoke pizza and one fight later, we were back in the room, watching Dexter and hanging out. I took a little walk along the Thames, but only a little one. Later, Indian food. Total lazy day, total awesomesauce.

This morning we got up early, packed up, and headed out of London. King's Cross Station is a nuthouse. How on earth Mrs. Weasley gets all those children and owls and such into there and onto a train is beyond me. I commented that it was worse than London itself, and an old, toothless man overheard me. He cackled gleefully and said (at least 4 times): "I used to live here. I wouldn't come back for a thousand pounds." I'm a little of sick of London too, so I smiled at him in camaraderie.

We took the train to Newcastle, which is so far north that it's almost in Scotland. I looked out of the window at the lovely countryside the whole 3 hours. The fields are bordered by hedges, filled with either black, loamy dirt or sheep grazing. In the distance, we saw villages far away enough to lose any flaws and just look charming, and there were often pretty little churches in the center. We saw some factories too, enough to keep Aaron interested in whether or not they were nuclear power plants or oil refineries.

Now we are settled into our hostel, which is a VERY LARGE step down from our last hotel. :) Like, a step the size of the Grand Canyon. But we like it. It's cheap. There are bunkbeds!! Aaron is unimpressed by bunkbeds, but I love them and called dibs on the top bunk! We are doing laundry this afternoon, an essential task at this point, as Aaron is one day from commando.

I'm very excited to be on the move again. I had a nice rest over Christmas, but I'm ready for adventures again. We are going to rent a car in the morning and head out along Hadrian's wall for some scenic driving and hiking.

Aaron's comments:

There was a Hari Krishna riding a little scooter in his full orange garb with orange Vibram Five Fingers to match.
England doesn't seem to have trailer parks. I need to check their tornado rate, but I'm assuming it's nothing like ours because clearly trailer parks cause tornadoes.
I'm surprised they have solar panels at this latitude.
London has the most bizarre strikers ever. They planned and had signs announcing the Underground strike on Boxing Day. In a real strike, they surprise everyone and stay away until they achieve some goal. This should have been "call in sick to work day."

Our England Christmas: Running of the John Bull Line, Days 11 and 12

2011-12-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I skipped day number 10 (probably not, though, because you aren't so methodical). This is not because I have a secret day that I am not going to tell you about; instead, it's because I messed up my numbering (pointed out by Aaron, Mr. Methodical himself) and am now correcting it. I counted 2 days of travel as day 1. So, Christmas Eve should be day 11 and today, day 12.

Now that that VERY important detail is out of the way (major sarcasm alert), let me tell you about our Christmas.

As I said earlier, we got a much nicer hotel than usual for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day, so that when all was closed and there wasn't much to do, we could be in a spacious room in a hotel with room service and amenities that we are used to (Every Motel 6 in America has a bathtub and in-room temperature control, but not here!) Our room is very nice, and the hotel overlooks the Thames and Tower Bridge.

After we checked in on Christmas Eve, we ate amazing Thai food (all the Asian food here is amazing so far), and we went to Harrod's (big mistake, but we were looking for something specific). It was slammed full of people and slammed full of expensive stuff we were afraid we were going to break. There were Christmas crackers that cost 400 pounds with silk handkerchiefs and jewelry inside. We got out of there as soon as possible with very little trauma (except for Aaron, who can't even stand to go to the Marietta grocery store). Mama, we were very right to avoid it.

After that miserable interlude, we went to do fun stuff. We saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie at Leicester Square, and it was great fun. I thought it was better than the last one without all the crazy coming back from the dead stuff. Aaron thought it was too silly to be better, but we both still loved the relationship between Holmes and Watson. After the movie, we went back to our favorite London neighborhood, the one near Earl's Court, where we stayed for a few days before Bristol and Bath. We ate at our favorite Indian restaurant (more chicken balti!), bought some champagne, and tried unsuccessfully to find Christmas crackers that cost 4 pounds instead of 400. After we got back to the hotel, I took a bath (A BATH!), which I have missed so much. Showers can only make you feel so happy; the biggest amount of happy requires a nice, immersion bath.

We exchanged presents, too, all of which came from Blackwell's Bookstore in Oxford. Aaron got me a lovely illustrated version of Cooleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," which he would have to have been blind and deaf to not get me, as I oohed over how beautiful it was for 10 minutes. (It was after this that I suggested we get each other book Christmas gifts to exchange.) He also got me 2 surprise books--From Elvish to Klingon: Exploring Invented Languages by Michael Adams and The Time-traveller's Guide to Medieval England: A Handbook for Visitors to the Fourteenth Century by Ian Mortimer. I love my books, but we realized after packing them up that it might have been best to get something lighter for Christmas. I got Aaron The Gun: The Story of the AK-47 by C.J.Chivers, If Rome Hadn't Fallen: What Might Have Happened If the Western Empire Had Survived by Timothy Venning, and Alexander the Great Failure by John D. Grainger. Aaron likes What-If books and guns and has found that he has "huge gaping holes" in his knowledge of the Roman Empire, so I think my gifts were a win.

Today, Christmas Day, we slept in until noon and ate a ridiculously over-priced lunch in the hotel restaurant. For Aaron, the price was not as bad as for me, since he got to take home 2 noise makers and a mask. Apparently, Brits celebrate Christmas with the trappings we use for New Year's Eve. The person who gave Aaron his stupid whistle and horn should be tortured for all the hours I have been tortured; he takes every opportunity to blow those awful things. Too bad I can't just send him off to David's house with them, like I do when Livy has some super loud and annoying toy.

I used went down to the fitness center of the hotel and relaxed in the steam-room, sauna, aromatherapy room (that's a warm room that smells yum), and swam some lazy laps in the pool; Aaron actually did a real workout. Later, I went to the spa for my foot and leg massage, which included buffing my feet, exfoliating my feel and legs, and tons of wonderful massage. Aaron was considering doing one too--his feet have been hurting from all the walking--but I don't think he would have enjoyed being buffed and exfoliated. Maybe I should just rub his feet for him. :)

For dinner tonight, we had more Indian food. We may start to smell like curry, but that's okay because if both of us reek, we won't notice it on the other one. As we ate (chicken balti!), we watched a bit of the second Bourne movie on TV. Now we are hitting the sack. We had a very happy Christmas, and we hope all our friends and family did too!

P.S. Lest you think we never try any new Indian dishes, I wanted to tell you that we always get an order of chicken balti and something else. I just mention the chicken balti so often because compared to it, all other curries are red-headed stepchildren, squibs, and B movies.

Bristol and Bath: Running of the John Bull Line, Days 7, 8, and 9

2011-12-25T13:33:00.001-05:00

Bristol and Bath were next on our trip, though it's hard to remember, as I am so relaxed from our luxurious Christmas hotel with steam room and sauna. :)

We stayed in Bristol, but we really didn't see much of it. It wasn't a place we really wanted to see, but it was much cheaper than Bath and within 15 minutes of it by train. The only cool Bristol thing we did was see Rory. He came over on Thursday afternoon from some place in Devon to hang out with us. We ate a late lunch, wandered all over Bristol, looked in at the cathedral, and ended up yapping in a pub. It was awesome, and we finally had someone to ask all of our questions about England. Have we been tipping correctly? (Pretty much, maybe a little too much.)Which button do you press on the toilet? (He can't figure it out either.) Should people walk on the left side of the sidewalk and stairs? (It's a crazy free-for-all, mostly.) And finally, why the hell didn't you go to Oxford? (Apparently, British people make stupid mistakes in their youths as well. Why didn't I go to Oxford, after all?) We were so glad to see Rory again, and it was even more fun than the last time.

Each day in Bristol, we took the train over to Bath. The first day, after leaving London, checking into our hotel in Bristol, and going back over to Bath, we just ate and wandered. Bath has an amazing amount of shopping, and after this first day, we managed to avoid those areas. :)

The next day, Thursday, we went to the Roman Baths in the morning before we saw Rory. They were bigger and more extensive than I remembered, and it was very interesting. Going to see them with an engineer made a difference in the focus; I do not remember Mama and I spending so much time looking at sluice gates and pipes. :) But seeing those things closely made me appreciate even more the amazing building abilities of the Romans.

We especially enjoyed the section on curses. Apparently, a lot of folks came to the baths (dedicated to Sulis Minerva) in order to curse people who stole from them or messed with them in some way. They would have a scribe write their curse on a piece of metal and then throw it into the spring. Archaeologists have found a lot of them, and they go something like this: "Dear Sulis Minerva, someone stole my gloves from the baths. I think it was . Please make the culprit pay for this crime with his blood, his eyes, his fertility, and the lives of his children. Amen." We had fun reading them, and I loved trying to figure out the Latin. I threw a coin into one of the baths along with a curse for Sulis Minerva; we'll see how effective she is. :)

Friday, I went to Bath much earlier than Aaron for a Jane Austen day all to myself. I walked by the Circus, the Royal Crescent, the gravel walk, and down Gay Street (all mentioned in her books). I toured the Jane Austen Center which is primarily about her life in Bath. I bought ALL the cool Jane Austen souvenirs. I got a Jane Austen Choose Your Own Adventure Book, a quiz book so Aaron can entertain me with Jane Austen trivia on the train, her History of England By a Partial, Prejudiced, and Ignorant Historian (a delightful parody of schoolroom history books on the monarchy), and graphic novel versions of Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. The people at the Center were all very knowledgeable and all in period dress, and when I went back outside onto the regular streets, I was a bit disappointed to be in 2011.

Aaron went to Bath in the afternoon to try to go to the Hershel Museum (the guy who discovered Uranus, hee, hee), but it was closed for all of the holiday season. Darwin's house too, except for Dec 31, so we might still make that. The scientists aren't making a very good showing in England. I'm so glad that he got to go to the History of Science Museum in Oxford. Rory reminded me that Lyra went there in His Dark Materials and that she met Mary Malone there. It says something about my interests that that fact made it twice as appealing to me.

We left Bristol and Bath on Christmas Eve, heading back to London to spend out Christmas in a much nicer hotel that we would usually get, since there is nothing open and not much to do. I'll blog about our Christmas in another post.

Happy Christmas everyone!

Our Days in Oxford, Home of My People: Days 5 and 6

2011-12-21T18:48:00.000-05:00

Oxford is not really the home of my people, not like you would think. My family isn't from there, and I've never been there before. But being in that city was like coming home. From the second I got my first look at the spires and read the lines I had printed out about when C.S. Lewis first saw Oxford, I was in love, in awe, in bliss.

On the first day, we visited the Bodleian Library. It is housed in the original medieval building, books on the shelves in the same order, but no chains holding the books in place like they had until the 1700s. (There were actually complaints that the library was too loud because of all the clinking and rattling.) The library tour was my favorite thing we have done so far because I got to learn all about the founding of Oxford University and about the use of the library in the past. Aaron thought it was gonna be dead boring, and even he loved it!

My next thing to do when I get home is to look at their archives online, find something I can research there in classical or medieval rhetoric, get a grant, and spend some time actually working in that library. It would be AMAZING!

I saw St. Mary the Virgin church, where Thomas Cranmer (among others) was martyred for refusing to be Catholic during the reign of Mary Tudor (who just keeps coming back like that damned cat in the song.) It was also the scene of John Wesley's last Oxford sermon before he got booted for being all Methodisty.

Later that evening, after it got too dark to gawk at beautiful buildings and pretend I am a fellow of some Oxford college in the early 1900s (and that they let women do that), we went in THE MOST AMAZING bookstore in the world. To my mother: It puts Square Books to shame. It was Blackwell's, and though they have other locations in the UK, Oxford was the biggest. They have a huge section for classical texts, in translation and in the original, a huge section of history divided into very specific eras (for instance, a full ceiling-tall shelf on the Anglo-Saxons, including both scholarly and popular titles), 4 full floors of books and the kind of books that you wouldn't find in your run of the mill Barnes and Noble.

I partly enjoyed the bookstore (cause really, it was so interesting), and partly, it made me feel terrible. I had a crisis moment when I realized how frivolous I have been in my reading. I can't believe how much there is to read and how I have frittered away my time. I am going to start on a much more serious reading plan when I get home (not in Marianne Dashwood style, though, as I am going to be reasonable and not get all carried away with plans I cannot carry out). I am going to sign up for the Anglo-Saxon language class that I have been putting off, rejuvenate the Sex Vultures, and read more classics, especially from Greece and Rome. I realized that by age 33 (my age on Jan 3), Jesus had lived and died, been a messiah, and started a religion. I haven't even learned Sanskrit. So I have some work to do.

We spent a second day in Oxford because it was so great. I got up early and took an earlyish train from London by myself to fit in more awe. Aaron joined me later for lunch. Before I met up with him, I toured Bailiol College and Trinity College. I enjoyed the grounds, chapels, and history of both. Oxford colleges are so weird to me. They are so independent of the overarching university and have so much personal character; their isolation within a greater body is fascinating. The tutorial system is also foreign and intriguing to me. I had a chance to study abroad in Oxford as an undergraduate and passed it up, and I regret it deeply. It makes me sad to think of the mistakes that I made because of how little I understood myself back then. I was ON THE PATH to grad school and world domination, but as it turns out, I am more relaxed and a soak-in-the-atmosphere kind of a person. Oxford would have been perfect. I also didn't apply for the Rhodes scholarship (which would have been unlikely), as I was busy getting married and stuff.

Aaron and I had lunch (not Indian food, strangely, since that beloved stuff makes up about 80% of our diet), and then we split up again. Aaron went to an exhibit at the Oxford History of Science Museum on timepieces, astrolabes, and stuff like that, which he liked A LOT. He says that the highlight of the visit was a metric clock where they tried to divide the day into 10 hours with 10 divisions each. It didn't catch on. :)

I went on a walking tour of Oxford that I printed out from a C.S. Lewis fan sight. I saw where he stayed when he first arrived in Oxford, saw the pubs where the Inklings met, and toured Magdalen College where he was a fellow. It was my favorite college so far, by a landslide. The buildings were spectacular, especially the cloisters and the chapel, and the grounds were amazing. I couldn't believe that I was still in Oxford. It was totally quiet, and I was almost completely alone. I walked for miles and miles on the paths that Lewis walked, along the Cherwell River, past the Deer Park, and around Fellow's Garden. Part of the paths are called Addison's Walk, and that walk was the place where Lewis was convinced to convert to Christianity by Tolkien and another Inkling whose name I cannot remember. I walked there for most of the afternoon. In the chapel, I lit a prayer candle (not as a prayer, but as a memorial and a symbol of affection) for Lewis and for all the kings and queens of Narnia from Frank and Helen on down to Tirian and for Reepicheep. Lewis might have rather had a prayer, but I think he would have approved the gesture.

I didn't finish my walking tour because I spent so much time on Addison's walk at Magdalen. I did stop in at a tiny churchyard nearby to hunt out the interesting dead, and I looked at the outside of Merton College where Tolkien was a fellow. I intend to go back on Boxing Day to tour Christ Church College and try to get a look inside Merton. And to visit the bookstore again like I would a religious shrine. :)

I cannot accurately describe to you the feeling Oxford gave me. It was like a religious experience, like coming home after being away many years, like coming to the surface of the water and taking a deep breath just when you had run completely out of air. It was a mixed feeling, half glory, half grief. Glory because a place like that exists and people like me must have made it and might still inhabit it. Grief because the giants of that place, my people, are not easy to spot anymore, if they ever were easy to spot and if there are any left. I felt at home and at the same time horribly lonely. It's the feeling I always have when I read a Matthew Arnold poem: this guy and I are just alike, and he and I will never meet. I can only describe it as sublime.

Running of the John Bull Line: Days 3 and 4

2011-12-19T16:07:00.006-05:00

Since I haven't blogged in a few days, I'm gonna just hit the highlights.

British Museum -- It had an amazing amount of stuff. We looked through lots of the Greek and Roman artifacts and art, most of the Egyptian, a little of the Mesopotamian, and the pre-Roman British section. It took us nearly 5 hours, and we only skimmed the surface. My biggest complaint is that there needs to be more interpretation of the artifacts, not just cases setting them out. We have been to quite a few Native American museums where they had scenes of people doing different activities with the artifacts in the scene. It would have been easier to put it into context had they done that. It got a little numbing to just look at case after case of artifacts. Aaron's favorite was the Rosetta Stone because "it was big!", much bigger than he expected, unlike the lame-o Liberty Bell. My favorites were the Egyptian grave goods and shabtis, the natural, not wrapped mummies, and trying to decipher Latin inscriptions.

National Portrait Gallery -- We got here very late and only had an hour and a half, but it was wonderful, just as I remembered! We started with the early Tudor portraits and worked our way through the Regency. Each portrait had a card telling some facts about the person pictured, and we had a great time trying to remember who was related to whom and what they did. Aaron loved finding the scientists (Newton, Halley, Dalton, Davy, and Erasmus Darwin). I enjoyed the Tudors and the Jacobites most because I just love to follow the kings and queens through their religious squabbles and their struggles for the throne. I love to hate Mary Tudor (that bitch who burned Thomas Cranmer), and I love to imagine James II hightailing it out of England when William and Mary arrive. I also love a good underdog like Mary Queen of Scots or Bonnie Prince Charlie. This is just my favorite museum, and I will probably return again this trip to see the Victorians and the more modern portraits.

The Tower of London -- First, know that I am way too good to visit the Tower of London. On my previous trips, I have avoided it because I am just plain snooty and it seems so touristy. Aaron, on the other hand, is not too good for anything (meant in the best possible way, of course). He loves anything touristy (take, for example, his fascination with Vegas and some Nebraskan corn palace). So I went. It was actually kind of fun. Not stellar, but neat to see once. I liked standing in a tower built by William the Conqueror, and Aaron liked seeing some cannons that were captured at Waterloo. We both enjoyed the graffiti left on some of the Tower walls, mostly by Catholics locked up during Elizabeth's reign. Aaron liked the torture implements (A rack was his favorite; he prefers the classics.)

While seeing these London sights, we had the best food!! We are staying right now in a hotel near Earl's Court in a very Asian neighborhood, and the restaurants (all within 1/2 a mile) are fantastic. We've had Indian and Thai and want to try Lebanese and Chinese. Let me tell you that Chicken Balti (at the Indian place) is the best thing ever. If you aren't eating it right now, you are not living a full and happy life. I realize now that all the other values in life--work, family, love, hobbies--are all just the things we do to fill the time between meals containing chicken balti.

Here's a funny thing about England (and probably everywhere, but you notice it when it's not your home country): they tell a lot of public lies. We noticed these two:

At the British Museum on a sign explaining who Lord Elgin was (the guy who brought the statues from the pediment of the Parthenon to England), the humongous and violent controversy about whether the statues should belong to England or to Greece was described as "a matter for discussion." Give me a break. Greece should see this sign.

At the National Portrait Gallery, Henry VIII wanted to get rid of Catherine of Aragon (who had already borne him 6 children) because he "questioned the validity of their marriage." He apparently questioned it a lot (one new religion and an unheard of divorce worth.

Aaron's things:

I like that the English keep military time and count their floors from zero.
I love that they are so drunk that they feel the need to warn people with subway signs not to drive *the day after*.

Next blog post: our first day in Oxford.

Sleeping in England, Dreaming of Sewanee

2011-12-17T01:25:00.003-05:00

It's 6:30 in the morning here, and I am wide awake. My body hasn't adjusted yet to the new schedule, I guess. Aaron is still fast asleep in the other single bed, and I can hear his steady breathing. He must be in a deep sleep.

I dreamed tonight of Sewanee. Westminster Abbey must have done it. So much there was like All Saint's Chapel: the rose window, the fun of hunting for inscriptions on the walls, the immensity of the space, the vaults of the ceiling, the Evensong service.

Sewanee has always felt like a hub for the experiences in my life; every event and person that means anything to me seems tied back there by a string. And if a person or event isn't tied there, I knot it tightly on purpose. So don't be surprised if you are very dear to me and you find yourself dragged to Sewanee with some excuse or another. The real reason is that you are being knotted to that place and into my life forever.

It's strange to be on this much longed-for vacation and to wake up homesick, not for Meridian or for Atlanta, but for Sewanee.

Running of the John Bull Line: Days 1 and 2

2011-12-16T17:45:00.004-05:00

Aaron and I are in London!! Woot! We have named this trip The Running of the John Bull Line, after the John Galt line and John Bull, the British Uncle Sam. I think we should get the same treatment that Dagny and Hank did, and as we move down the BritRail, people should line the railway and throw flowers at the train. That would really make us feel welcome. :)

The trip over was insane. We got up at 6 (which is really early for us, especially since we hadn't slept much lately), got on a plane at 10:45, and landed in Philadelphia just after lunch. We walked around the historic part of town for a few hours and saw the Liberty Bell, which let me tell you, is pretty damn lame. It's just a medium ole bell. I expected that it had rung some signal for the Revolution, but no, it had just been decided as a symbol of liberty. Hmmm.

We left the Philadelphia airport at 9:00 pm and flew all night. By the time we got to London, we were out of it, but we didn't want to go to sleep because we wanted to get our schedules lined up. So, the only thing to do was to ride on one of those cheesy tour buses for a while and see the sights while sitting down. Aaron fell asleep on the bus a few times, and I was completely out of sorts. I decided that I had been to London one too many times.

18 hours of sleep later, I love London! We ate lunch at a nice little Indian place, and since we still had our tickets to the tour bus, we took a loop around the city again, this time excited about everything we saw. We walked through Westminster Abbey, lovely as always. The neatest things we saw there were Isaac Newton's tomb, Poet's Corner, a memorial to Caedmon (sort of the first poet in English), the tombs of Elizabeth I and Mary Tudor, the tomb of Mary Queen of Scots, and the shrine to Edward the Confessor. It's just so awesome to me that I could stand by the tomb of Edward the Confessor (thinking in my head about what a douche he was to practically invite William the Conqueror into England) and then stand on Tennyson's grave marker (thinking about "Crossing the Bar"). Westminster Abbey is like all of the good parts of English history all in one building.

Because Aaron loves me very very much and is a wonderful man in every possible way, he endured Evensong at Westminster Abbey with me. It was lovely. There was a boy choir singing all the responses and the psalm, and we got to sit right in the quire in the back row in those big stalls! There was a lot of kneeling and bowing of heads and repeating of creeds, and I LOVED it. Aaron, on the other hand, said it made him feel kind of creepy, but did it anyway for me.

Afterward, we had dinner at a delicious little pizza joint, where we talked and talked and got to hold hands across the table and do all the googly-eyed romantic stuff that is kind of hard when a trip to the pizza joint always mean playing 46 games of tic-tac-toe and having conversations about whether Phineas and Ferb is better than Madeline. We took a rambly walk home (stopping at McDonalds because it has the only reliable free wireless access in London, apparently), admired the lovely Westminster Cathedral (the Catholic church I'm gonna see if I can make Aaron go to), and are settled into our tiny hotel that only has hall bathrooms. (Wow, London is beautiful and interesting, but America has it beat for convenience.) Tomorrow we are going to spend the day at the British Museum.

Aaron notices and is entertained by different stuff than me, so he is going to dictate a few observations at the end of my blog posts. So, today, Aaron says:

I love having septagonal currency.
Quire (spelled with a Q) and Isaiah (pronounced I-zie-uh) make me happy.
I'll forever think that Philadelphia is the land of union thugs who inefficiently run trains with punch cards and are mean to old ladies.
I wish I could drive on the roundabouts.

Day 5 of the Great Trace Chase: Going Home

2011-11-28T14:55:00.004-05:00

We got up on Saturday morning, had a little breakfast our of our cooler, and headed to our last big Trace location. We wanted to visit the Grand Village of the Natchez Indians that was on the south side of Natchez before we left town and started for home. There was a little museum with exhibits on pottery, religious ceremonies, dress, and diet of the Natchez Indians, a tribe descended from the Mississippian mound builders that we had been learning about all trip long. Outside, there were two mounds to climb and a reconstruction of one of their houses. We also hiked a nature trail on the property of the village.

After this last Indian site, we started home. W decided that instead of going the old boring route,we would go south from Natchez and drive along the beach at least for a while. It was a grey, rainy kind of day, but we still got out and padded around the beach in our bare feet with our pants rolled up to our knees. We touched our toes to the water, but it was COLD. Livy chased sea gulls for the first time.

After that stop, we drove for the rest of the day (a total of nearly 12 hours) toward home. We finished Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, both by Roald Dahl. Livy read to me from Phonics Pathways, her newly beloved reader. We ate fast food because we were sick of our stupid cooler. And when we reached home at nearly midnight, as I carried the sleeping Livy into the house, I said, "We're home, sweetie." She replied, still mostly asleep, "I love home."

Day 4 of Great Trace Chase and What I am Thankful For

2011-11-25T20:48:00.004-05:00

Today, we left my mom's house and headed back to Jackson to start our final leg of the Trace where we left off before Thanksgiving. It was a full day, and some of our favorite things of the trip happened today.

The highlights:

1. We finished Matilda and started Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Livy likes Roald Dahl A LOT! She says he is tied with J.K. Rowling. I love these books too; they are like Narnia mixed with Jonathan Swift. Sharply satirical and heroic/fantastical at the same time. (Not that C.S. Lewis wasn't satirical, but this is acrid satire, very Swiftian.)

2. We hiked under a waterfall. It was a tiny waterfall, but it was so neat to climb underneath its overhang and put our hands in it from the back.

3. Livy climbed on everythings. She climbed the Sunken Trace (where the Old Trace is sunk way down below the treeline with lots of exposed roots), down into a ravine where she crossed a creek on a big log, and up several Indian mounds.

4. We walked through the remains of an old town and through its cemetery. We found the oldest grave, a lady who was born in 1778 and died in 1859.

5. We explored Mt. Locust, the only remaining inn from the hayday of the Natchez Trace. We did a scavenger hunt all over the grounds and inside the building, hunting up slave graves, magnolia trees, and furniture to hold chamber pots, among other things. Livy turned in the Junior Ranger book that she had been working on the whole trip here and got her badge. She and I agreed that this was one of the highlights of the trip. I liked the Pharr Mounds from Day 2 better, but Mt. Locust was a close second. The scavenger hunt made exploring really fun.

6. We climbed up (and Livy rolled down) the second biggest Mississippian Indian Mound in the counrtry, Emerald Mound. The sun was starting to set, and it was beautiful to look down over all the surrounding forests.

7. We reached the end of the Trace in Natchez at twilight and drove across the Mississippi River into Louisiana and back. I love the river; I always have. It's so fun seeing how wide it is, and I love the moment when half of the car is in Mississippi and half in Louisiana. Afterwards, we drove through downtown Natchez to look at their Christmas decorations, which are AWESOME

A little Mexican food and several pages in our phonics reader later, Livy and I are settled into our motel, watching Phineas and Ferb.

This has been the most amazing trip. I just love traveling alone with Livy. She and I really get reconnected, and we do the most spontaneous, fun things. I would never do some of the things she pushes me to do, like jumping from hay bale to hay bale or climbing under a waterfall, even though it is off the path. It's awesome to listen to some many great books as we drive, and when we are together for long periods of time, she talks more than she does at home. Traveling together makes me feel so close; there are none of the distractions of home, just hanging out.

So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for how cool Livy is, for her being the kind of kid who enjoys my wandering ways and who makes a good companion. I'm thankful for Aaron, too, who understands my need to be on the move when I start to feel like a cud-chewing cow. I love that he doesn't feel left out when Livy and I take off. (The truth is that he really likes the alone time, as much as I like the wandering.) And I am thankful for the big world full of wonders and marvels to experience.

Great Trace Chase: Day 3

2011-11-21T23:30:00.004-05:00

Today, we set out early for another full day on the Trace. We made it as far as Jackson before heading east to my mom's house for Thanksgiving. We got to her house tonight, and I am so tired that I am only going to make a list of things we did, though I will try to include entertaining details.

1. We started out at the Visitor Center in Tupelo, where we saw some exhibits, touch deer skulls with antlers, and picked up a hitchhiker - an armadillo puppet named Sparkles who especially enjoys Native American historical sites and whom Livy taught to read a map all day long.

2. We hiked two sections of the Old Trace, the actual trail that the Kaintucks (that's Ohio Valley farmers who came down the river and hiked the trace home) walked along. We pretended we were Kaintucks, Chickasaw Indians, and even robbers (of which the Trace had its fair share). We wished we had horses so we could pretend to be mail riders.

3. We visited a Chickasaw Indain village, two more sets of mounds, and a house and barns circa 1840. We were excited to see a plow just like the one Almanzo would have used, harrow and all!

4. We did a nature trail through a cypress swamp, which was beautiful. I really wanted to see an alligator, but Livy was slightly terrified the whole time and was glad that we didn't. We didn't even see a turtle, but at different parts of the day, we saw cranes, hawks, and lots of horses.

5. We picnicked at a pretty overlook. It wasn't historical or interesting at all in that way, but we laid back on our blanket on the hill and had a delightful lunch of ham, cheese, veggies, hummus, and yogurt. Livy also ran up and down the hill about 48 times.

6. We watched the sun set over Ross Barnett Reservoir (very beautiful), and Livy threw about 600 sticks into the water.

7. We finished James and the Giant Peach and started Matilda (also by Roald Dahl).

I probably won't post until we are on the road again. We are going to spend 3 days here in Meridian and then head out again to do the rest of the Trace from Jackson to Natchez. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Great Trace Chase: Day 2

2011-11-20T20:29:00.007-05:00

So, it's good to have a friend like Jenn, who can come up with good names. Our trip is renamed the Great Chase Trace, which is a better not only because it is shorter and catchier, but because it is a tongue twister! When we shout out the name when we crank the engine, it's so hard and funny to say. We have started saying it 4 times over every time.

Today, we spent the whole day on the Trace. The morning was rainy and yuck, and in order to keep our spirits up, I said, "We are the kind of people who are so much fun that rain cannot stop us. It cannot dare to suck up any of our fun." To which Livy replied, "What about locusts?" (Can you guess what books we really like?) And I said, "No, locusts would not dare come near us. We are that fun." Now, since I am the kind of person who intends not be upset by the rain but has bouts of self-pity when we are in it, and since Livy is the kind of person who is upset by it at the beginning but never thinks of it again once the rain is in her plan, I made our "locusts dare not approach us" saying, and she reminded me of it whenever it rained on us and I complained. :)

We had some of the best moments of our day in the rain. We hiked down to waterfall and climbed up the side to get a better look. We saw a house built in 1816 by the owner of a ferry, and we hiked down to see where he ran his ferry across the Duck River. I fell down in the mud, but I didn't mind because locusts dare not approach. After the rain stopped, mostly, we hiked a nature trail and skipped stones at Sweetwater Branch, saw where Meriweather Lewis died (some say murder, but most say suicide) and was buried, picnicked where the Colbert Ferry carried people across the TN river, climbed up Bear Creek Mound (Mississippian Indian temple mound and some Indians even earlier), explored a sinkhole/former cave and climbed all over the fallen-in ceiling rocks, and explored the Pharr Mounds.

The Pharr Mounds were a lot of fun, my favorite thing of the day. The rain had stopped; it was nearly dark; and we had the 90 acres to ourselves. We read the info about the mounds and walked out to three of the biggest. We ran up, ran down, and Livy rolled down like a log. She compared the heights of the two biggest by counting her steps. We thought we saw a deer on the top of one in the distance, but it was only a clump of tall white grass. :( We climbed up onto those big round hay bales and jumped from bale to bale. We ran with our eyes closed across the big open space. Basically, it was awesome sauce. Irreplaceable fun.

We had dinner, a bath, and now we are playing a version of Memory I made up with Choctaw word flashcards that came in her Junior Ranger book. We also managed to finish The Last Battle and start James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl. Good day.

Mississippi's the place, by way of the Trace:Day 1

2011-11-19T21:17:00.006-05:00

Two observations:

1. This blog has become a travel blog. Partly because we travel ALL THE TIME, and partly because when we travel I have time to write on it.

2. As road trip names go, this one is not our best. But we must have a name, and this is all we've got: "Mississippi's the place, by way of the Trace." I reserve the right to change it if one of us comes up with something brilliant.

Anyway, Livy and I set out after a lunch with Aaron for Nashville. Why did we go in that direction to get to Mississippi, you may ask. Because we are going to drive ALL THE WAY down the Natchez Trace if we can fit it all in. The Natchez Trace is a paved highway running down an old trail called the Natchez Trace. See, people in the West (Kentucky, Pennsylvania, etc) used to travel down the MS River and then walk back up the Trace. There were also apparently tons of Indians, outlaws, and mail riders. The road has tons of hiking (some of it along sections of the Old Trace), pretty overlooks and picnic spots, and historic sites of all kinds.

I used to drive it with my parents all the time when I was little. ALL THE TIME. Finally, as a teenager, I put my foot down. My MS history and government teacher father would have driven that damn road every holiday and read every placard along its 440 miles. But now, more than a decade later, it seems really fun to me again. Did it just take some time to stop being sick of it? Am I just old? Whatever the reason, that's the trip I chose this time.

Livy is a really good road-tripper, and this one is even better because she can follow our progress on the map of the Trace and get out all the time to run about. I am not sick yet of "Look, there was mile marker 423! Look, there was mile marker 422!" So far, it's just adorable. And I have learned that she will read ANYTHING if it is on a map. :)

So, we drove to Nashville today and started down the Trace almost at the very top. We started at mile marker 436, instead of 444, because of where our highway spit us out onto the Trace. We saw (and drove across) an awesome bridge (the Double Arch Bridge); we hiked a 1 mile round trip up to an amazing overlook where we saw patchwork fields and horses below us; we drove into an beautiful sunset; and we listened to almost all of The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis.

Tonight, we got dinner, grocery shopped to fill our cooler for tomorrow, checked into a hotel, and now we are working on Livy's Junior Ranger book for tomorrow. She is matching up footprints to animals and making coded messages in Choctaw.

More tomorrow!

Day 4 of We Crave Caves: The Drive Home and the Analysis

2011-10-30T16:47:00.005-04:00

We got up this morning, refreshed and reconnected after our little incident, and we ate our breakfast from the cooler. We packed up, checked out, and hit the road.

We drove straight home, about 5 hours. We finished The Silver Chair and started The Magician's Nephew. Livy played games on her phone. It's lovely to be home, and I will probably be satified with my normal routine and not having any adventures for about 3 days. :)

The highlight of our trip was definitely Dinosaur World. The cave was wonderful, but we had been there before. Dinosaur World was a monumental surprise. Both of us thought it would be a dinky, cheesy, roadside attraction, and it turned out to be both ginormous and exciting. As we drove by it on our way out of town, Livy yelled out the window, "Goodbye, T-Rex! Goodbye, stegasaurus! You have such lovely skins!" That sounds weird, but really, it makes perfect sense.

We almost always see dinosaur bones. You get used to these creatures as skeletons, without flesh, without life, without skins. To see them all live-looking, with skins on, was a treat. Yes, we know that scientists don't have much idea what their skins look like (they do have some impressions left in dried mud), but even an educated guess at a whole, fleshy dinosaur made us happy.

Next adventure (the weekend and week before Thanksgiving) will be a trip down the Natchez Trace. No dinosaurs, but Indians, highwaymen, and Mississippi River traders will be great too.

Day 3 of We Crave Caves: The Agony and the Ecstacy

2011-10-29T23:52:00.004-04:00

Mostly, it was ecstasy. We breakfasted from our cooler and drove to Mammoth Cave National Park. We took a walk to the Old Guides' Cemetary, then did our 11:15 New Entrance tour. It was a much larger group than the last time we came (36 people), but we had a great time. The highlight was the Drapery Room.

After the tour, we grabbed a quick lunch at Wendy's. We spent the afternoon working on Livy's Junior Ranger Badge. I love this program so much! They give you a free activity book with lots of info about the park, geology, careers studying caves, animals in the caves, etc, and it is filled with games and activities. Some were typical worksheet type things (crossword puzzles, word searches, etc), but some were more unusual. We did a nature scavenger hunt hike, counted deer (24 today), and ranked nature careers in order by which Livy likes best (1st-paleontologist, 2nd-wildlife biologist, 3rd-botanist, last-out-of-6-choices-historian). At the end of the afternoon, she turned it in and talked with a ranger, who gave her a shiny gold junior ranger badge that looked a lot like a real one. It was a lot of fun, and it gave some shape to our wanderings in the park. I think I might arrange some scavenger hunt activities for hikes at home too.

We took a short walk around a pond/marsh, and then we went on our second cave tour of the day, completely by lantern light. It was a less exciting part of the cave, but it was cool to be in the dark. Awesome things: a naturally mummified bat, a live bat, and tons of graffiti from the 1820s and 30s.

Next came the agony part. Livy was tired (she did walk miles and miles today) and cold, so we finished up the night with a ginormous tantrum (I cannot remember the last time that happened!), which I handled nearly as badly as she behaved. One long, warm trip to Taco Bell, a long talk, much crying, and a fair bit of Narnia later, we are both sorry and both tucked tight into a much beloved bed.

Tomorrow we head home.

Day 2 of We Crave Caves: Dinosaur World

2011-10-28T20:19:00.005-04:00

We woke up in our hotel and started a long and rainy morning. We filled our cooler with food at the grocery store in the rain. We drove 4 hours through the rain. Rain, rain, rain.

But then it stopped, and we went to Dinosaur World. No amount of rain, not even 40 days and 40 nights of it, would keep me from this amazing place! It was a walking path lined with life size dinosaurs, probably 50 of them! What could be better than that? Even if we didn't do the caves, the trip would already be worth it.

It was freezing, but I just imagined that we were living in the age of Mammoths. (There were life-sized mammoths!) Tonight, dinner in our hotel room, Little House on the Prairie on TV, snuggling. Tomorrow, Mammoth Cave.

Day 1 of We Crave Caves: A Little Drive with a Big Spirit

2011-10-27T23:26:00.003-04:00

Livy and I set out tonight at 9:30. We only drove for an hour and half, but I wanted to get started today so that we would feel like our adventures had begun.

On the way, we listened to The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which I think is an excellent soundtrack to an adventure trip. Caspian and crew are on an adventure to the eastern edge of the world, and we are on an adventure to Kentucky. Pretty much the same, if you ask me, especially since we have a noble, voyaging kind of spirit.

Our trip is called "We Crave Caves" because our destination is Mammoth Caves National Park. We aren't just driving straight there, though. We are going to take in the interesting island stops on the way, just like true Narnians.

Tonight we heard a quote from my dearest Reepicheep himself that seemed a good motto for our adventures. They have found the island where the 3 lords sleep at Aslan's table. Reepicheep declares that he will stay the night at the table, and Eustace asks him why. "Because," said the Mouse, "this is a very great adventure, and no danger seems to me so great as that of knowing when I get back to Narnia that I left a mystery behind me through fear."

Blog Carnival as a Collaborative Archive

2011-09-14T22:42:00.002-04:00

I had an interesting idea in the car on the way home.

I've been reading about archives--how they are formed and how they are used. Are blog carnivals archives that are formed collaboratively? The are a collection of documents, kept in one place, but instead of being shaped by one or two archivists, they are shaped by many people. It's a collection of documents whose authors thought they were worth collecting and sharing under a common heading.

Kinda neat.

New Birth Stories Project

2011-09-14T12:22:00.006-04:00

I haven't written much since I've been back to school, mostly because I have plenty of writing to do elsewhere, but also because my mind is all filled up with thoughts about rhetoric, writing, teaching, and the like. Today, I was doing some thinking about a new research project I am contemplating, and it occurred to me, "Why not do some of my thinking out loud on my blog?" So here goes.

I am interested in birth stories (as well as birth preparation manuals, but that will have to wait). Right now, I am just beginning to form some questions about them. I've done a little research, and there is very little academic work done on birth stories. What there is, I don't have access to, but I'm getting it.

Why do women tell birth stories? They certainly do it a lot, as any baby shower or mom's night out participant can tell you. It's amazing how much women talk about this. Who else tells personal narratives with this kind of fervor? Soldiers telling war stories? Religious testimony?

Why do some women choose to write these stories down? What is different about writing the story and telling it? Why do some women make these stories public on the internet? Who is actually reading these stories? Other moms, pregnant women? Who is the audience that these women are writing for?

Are there archives of birth stories I can find and use? Do I want to look only at written birth stories or include oral storytelling as well? Can I find birth stories by men? What are they like? Birth stories by birth attendants? Birth stories by family members or friends?

What will I find in these stories? Some things to look for:

1. agency - Who is in control in the stories? Do birth attendants appear as the subject of the sentence more often or less often than the mothers? Look for explicit references to choices, to deliberation, to the process by which decisions are made (both before the birth and in emergency situations). Are the stories themselves an act of control?

2. language about the body - How do women talk about their bodies? Will I find everyday or technical body descriptions? How do birth attendants in the stories talk about or treat women's bodies?

3. isolation - How isolated is the mother in the story? Birth stories strike me as a way of making our inner lives open to the outside during a very important life event. Is this correct? Are the stories showing women who are alone in their heads? Or are the women connected, during the birth, to the people around them? Are the birth stories themselves an attempt at connection?

4. community - How do the writers of the stories talk about other women, their partners and families, their birth attendants, their babies? Are these birth stories communal stories or very individual stories?

I'd love to hear any feedback you have about these questions, or anything else about birth stories that you find interesting. Also, if you have a birth story that you would like to be included in my research, email it to me at kellyelmore79 at gmail.com.

Question on how to be Adult Centered with a Toddler

2011-08-23T16:24:00.004-04:00

Since I may never write a real blog post again (grad school attacks!), I thought I'd post this email conversation I had with a friend. She listened to podcast 18 about living an adult centered vs a child centered life. Here is her question and my answer:

"I'd like to hear more about what kinds of adult-centered activities you think children are capable of participating in at different ages. We have no problem taking 3-year-old Bobby (names changed to protect the toddlers) to restaurants, but when it comes to entertainment on the weekends we always seem to be doing child-focused things: the zoo, the botanical gardens, and the children's museum over and over and over again. Things that I really want to do for entertainment are totally not kid-friendly, like going to the theater or symphony. We've tried taking him to museums, but he only wants to run through the big rooms (which is disruptive to other patrons) and won't cooperate when we try to stop and look at the art/displays/whatever. Specific suggestions would be really helpful."

Here's what I said:

"Hey! This is a good question, and we might answer it on the podcast, but I thought I'd give you a few quick suggestions on email in case you might be kind of desperate. I know that desperate need to do something intellectually stimulating when you have a 3 year old. :)

First, he's really little, and it will get easier. It won't be long before he'll be able to do museums. Three is nearly the hardest because they aren't big enough to behave appropriately in fancy places, but they are big enough to cause trouble.

My first thought is that the zoo and the botanical gardens don't have to be child centered. They are certainly child friendly, but do you not find them interesting? I certainly do. Are you getting sucked right into the children's garden? Maybe you could try increasing the time you walk through things that are interesting to you before you move to the children's garden.

Other suggestions: Find portable things that you and your husband want to do together and then find ways to do them at a fenced-in playground. You could play trivial pursuit while Bobby plays. You could just have conversation, which can be hard when you have a three year old.

Bobby may not be able to do the symphony or the theater, which require a serious level of quiet, but I bet he could do outdoor concerts.

To get together with friends, you could meet at a restaurant (more like a pub atmosphere works great for me) and play games. You could offer to have get togethers at your house so that Bobby will have his regular environment, put on movies and stuff for him, and then participate with your guests. It might be hard at first if he isn't used to having your full attention, but I think he could learn.

As for you and your husband, are you watching movies you like at home? Recordings of theater and symphonies? Bobby can be there, and you can teach him to be with you relatively quietly or play on his own. Livy still does this. If Aaron and I are watching something she doesn't like, she'll come in with us and cuddle for a while, then go out and play in her room, then back in to cuddle. She learned that when she was really little, and she wasn't as good at not interrupting back then, but she was practicing.

Does any of this help? I was just brainstorming really, but if I knew what are your favorite hobbies and entertainments, I might be able to help you come up with some ways to enjoy those things.

Also, get a sitter fairly often. I love to sit at coffee shops and read for hours, and that is never going to be Livy friendly. So I get someone to stay home with her while I do it.

I'd encourage you to think of this not as figuring out what kinds of adult centered activities children are capable of participating in at different ages and more like a way to get both of your needs met. You think of things you really want to do, you think of what Bobby can handle now, can learn to handle, can't possibly be expected to handle, you find a way to get your thing without making him miserable. Take the symphony. He can't be expected to handle that, so you get a sitter. But if what you really want to do is hear some music, an outdoor concert might be doable. It might fall in the category of something he could do now (a concert at a park with playground equipment and room to run) or it might fall into the category of things he could learn to do (a concert of a famous band at an outdoor venue where he could move around and play with toys, but would have to stay right by you.) Anyway, I think it will be more productive to think of the things you really would like (getting together with friends, time to have conversation with your husband, interesting things to look at, etc) and then find a way to make that happen in a way Bobby can do or can be expected to learn to do."

Hope this Q&A is fruitful for you guys too!

Travel Plans: England it is! (I think)

2011-08-18T18:10:00.002-04:00

So I am not completely settled on my Christmas travel plans, but I am kinda sorta close to being completely settled. Here's what I've been thinking.

We want to do England, Italy, and Greece/Turkey in the relatively near future. Of these trips, I think Livy would like England least. It would be the trip where we would mostly be looking at books (British Library), at pictures of people who wrote books (National Portrait Gallery), at places from books (Bath), at places where books got written (Keat's house at Hampstead Heath), at places where people who wrote books once lived (Straford-Upon-Avon), and at dead people who wrote books (Westminster Abbey). Livy doesn't even read books yet, and none of the ones she especially likes to hear have much to do with England. :)

However, I think she would like clambering over ruins and seeing the places where our favorite mythology came from (Greece and Rome). I think she would like Macchu Picchu (another place on our list), and I think Turkey would be exotic enough to make it fun for her to wander around in. I don't see her being amazed by London, which is a lot like any old city, unless you really like English books. :)

Plus, England on the train is kind of a romantic trip. There will be time to hold hands and stare out windows as English fields speed by. There will be time for reading poetry aloud on the way to the place where that poetry is rooted. There will be time for conversation and for peaceful hours of nothing to do. Livy would hate that crap. Aaron and I, on the other hand, would like it a lot.

So England seems the perfect trip to do now, when we have lots of time and no Livy accompanying us. Perhaps Macchu Picchu next summer? I'm not sure when it will be comfortable there temperature wise, but in my dream, it will be fairly cool next summer when Livy, Aaron, and I climb up. Then maybe Italy or Greece/Turkey next Christmas with Livy?

So anyway, I think it's England, and I'll know for sure when it sinks in just enough and feels just right.

How I Could Once Have Been "Shelley or the Idealist" by Ann Jellicoe

2011-08-15T20:13:00.004-04:00

I just finished a play today called Shelley: or the Idealist, and I really enjoyed it. It is about the life of Romantic poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and judging from my relatively small amount of knowledge about his life, it was pretty accurate.

In the play, Shelley is portrayed as naive, thoughtless about other people's feelings, brilliant, devoted to his principles, and impulsive. I feel a lot of kinship to him and am ambivalent about that feeling.

I love that I am spontaneous, sensitive to the beauty of the world, idealistic, and open to new and world-changing ideas. I don't love so much that I am sometimes oblivious to the effects of my actions on other people and often jump too quickly into ideas and actions without thinking them through.

I was a lot more like Shelley when I was younger, and after reading the play, I am so happy that I have learned a lesson or two that will make my life turn out so much better than his did. It's hard to say if the changes came with Objectivism or with adulthood, as I acquired both at about the same time.

I learned not to use youth, poetry, passion, or the beauty of the wild, untamed, animal part of myself as an excuse to be irresponsible and callus. I learned to think about the consequences of my behavior to myself and to others. I learned to find poetry in a committed life, a life with responsibilities, a rooted life. I learned that Jane Austen had it right when she wrote, "Without scheming to do wrong, or to make others unhappy, there may be error, and there may be misery. Thoughtlessness, want of attention to other people's feelings, and want of resolution, will do the business" (Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 24).

I cannot hate Shelley because so much of the misery he causes and endures comes from his naivete. But I can see that he gets the just reward of holding (and living) bad ideas and of refusing to take responsibility for his actions. And while I can empathize with him and remember when I was much like him, I am also glad to have grown up.

A Poem and A Question

2011-08-11T12:58:00.004-04:00

I wrote this poem. I have no illusions that it's actually good, but the sentiments that poured out surprised me a little.

I folded socks today.
And as I did the dishes,
I remembered when I wrote verses
All about desire and the supernova of my feelings.
My insides haven’t changed, and as I did the dishes,
My belly churned with violence.
My skin prickled Bacchic all over,
While my hands folded socks.

Think this signals a midlife crisis?

Podcast #18: Living an "Adult-Centered" vs a "Child-Centered" Life

2011-08-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

Look at that! Three weeks, three podcasts, woohoo!

Situation of the Week (Jenn): "If I scream, he wins." (It'll make sense when you listen!)

Topic: Living an "Adult-Centered" vs a "Child-Centered" Life (begins 8:48)

Link: "Child Friendly without being Child Centered" at Reepicheep's Coracle (Kelly's blog)

Q & A: How do you handle a parenting mistake when you realize you were unfair, but your child communicated his displeasure in an unacceptable manner (such as hitting or yelling)? (begins 27:38)

Link: "Parenting Toolbox: 3 Rs of Recovery" at Reepicheep's Coracle

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Enjoy! And please send us questions or email us your comments and feedback.

How is "Decide What You Will Do" different from punishment?

2011-08-10T10:00:00.002-04:00

My last two posts have been about the positive discipline tool "Decide What You Will Do": When Effective Communication Fails and Positive Discipline Toolbox: Applying "Decide What You Will Do" to Parenting. As I was writing the second one, it occurred to me that sometimes deciding what you will do can look a bit like punishment.

Take one of the examples that I used: A teenager gets a couple of speeding tickets, and his parents decide that they are not comfortable letting him use the car.

This could be done in a punish-y way if the parents' goal is to make him feel bad so that he will remember the lesson. The point of taking away the car is to teach the kid a lesson, through a painful stimulus, and make it more likely that he will remember to drive slowly.

The parents haven't decided what they will do about their own behavior; they have decided what the kid will do.

The parents could take away the car in a non-punishy way, as well. They could decide that they do not feel comfortable letting the child drive without them, as he has proven that he won't be safe. But they are happy to drive with him because they want him to have practice driving carefully and have a chance to show them that they can trust him to be safe. They aren't trying to make him feel bad for his speeding by applying a negative stimulus; they are making a decision about what they feel comfortable doing, in the context of the kid's speeding. Instead of deciding what they will do to the kid, they are deciding what to do themselves with their own behavior.

The outcome of both of these situations is the same as regards the car. It's not being used right now by the kid. But as far as future learning is concerned, the situations are different. In the first one, the parents create an adversarial relationship with the child, letting him know that they will hurt him for his own good and that they will impose arbitrary time limits to punish him. They don't give him a way out, a way to earn back trust. He learns to hide his driving and car use from them, or he learns to do what they say and slow down because they say it.

In the second example, the parents show the kid they are on his team. Though they don't want him driving alone, they are willing to drive with him so that he has a chance to prove that he can slow down. The kid learns that, though his parents set a limit when they see danger for him, he can count on them to help him remove the need for the limit as soon as possible. They want him to enjoy driving, and they don't like to prevent something he enjoys; they just want him to do it safely.

I guess my main point is that "deciding what you will do" should focus on the parent's behavior, the behavior that he can control. When it becomes "decide what you will do to the kid to teach him a lesson," you've veered into the realm of punishment.

(A note for readers: I am not completely happy with this post, mostly because trying to identify exactly what is different about limit setting vs. punishment can be kind of hard. I know that punishment adds an extra bit of oomph on top of the limit setting. For info on this, read Jenn's post Discipline Without Punishment. What I am finding hard is understanding and expressing the difference in mindset between a parent deciding what he will do and a parent punishing. I'd love to hear your comments on this.)

Positive Discipline Toolbox: Applying Decide What You Will Do to Parenting

2011-08-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I wrote about how I applied the Decide What You Will Do tool to communication with other adults. Today, I would like to give some examples for how this tool is also useful with children.

As a quick review for those who didn't read the other post (though I can't imagine why they aren't following my blog as their most beloved task), Decide What You Will Do means realizing that you can't control the behavior of others and accepting the responsibility for your own behavior. It means sticking to the things you know are right, even when they don't cause others to immediate fall into line with all your plans. It is intimately connected with selfishness because deciding what you will do means looking at your own values and morals, deciding for yourself what will lead to your happiness, and doing that thing no matter what.

So how can this tool be used in parenting? The most important part, I think, is to recognize that you can't make children do a lot of things. You can't make them sleep, you can't make them eat, you can't make them learn, you can't make them stop crying, you can't make them pee or poop on cue. You can encourage them to do these things. You can make them so afraid of you that they will do these things just to avoid the consequences. But, if their little brains are completely set against the thing, you can't push a remote control button and make it happen.

Once a parent acknowledges that he doesn't have control over his children, he can focus on his own behavior and on creating an environment where children will learn to focus on theirs. Here are some ways I can imagine a parent using the Decide What You Will Do tool:

An infant is waking up in the night really often. Mom has tried everything; Dad has tried everything; Baby will not sleep more than 2 hours. Mom is feeling excessively angry about baby's demands. Mom can decide that she will get up with baby, but if she gets too angry, she will wake Dad to take over instead of yelling. (I wish I had done this one.)

8 month old baby refuses to take a bottle and will only take a few sips of breastmilk from a cup from Dad. Mom wants to go to chorus practice alone for 2 hours. Mom decides that she will go and sing, and the baby will have to take what's in the cup or wait 2 hours. (This is one I had to do. Note: I would have made a different decision if the baby was very young. Deciding what you will do must be used with the context of parent and child in mind.)

A toddler has a tantrum in the grocery store. Dad cannot make the kid stop screaming, but he can decide that every time this happens they will leave the store immediately. (Who hasn't done this one?)

A toddler with a new sibling has a potty regression. Mom might decide to clean the mess up without saying a word and giving the child extra time alone with Mom at others times during the day.

A five year old interrupts conversations and knows that if he needs attention, he can tap Dad's shoulder and wait for him to finish his thought. Dad might decide that he will ignore all inappropriate ways of getting his attention and only respond when tapped. He might decide to give reminders about the shoulder tap at other times before the child has interrupted.

While problem solving about going to the pool with an eight year old, the child storms away, and she refuses to talk about the problem. The parent might decide that he has expressed himself in the best way he can, that he can't make the child communicate, and that they will just not go back to the pool and encounter the problem again until it has been solved. (Very similar to the situation in my post yesterday about conflict with an adult.)

A teenager gets a couple of speeding tickets, and his parents decide that they are not comfortable with loaning him the car.

None of these examples is a rule. Parents will decide different things based on their values and the situations they are in. The commonality is that the parents recognize that they cannot control their child's behavior directly and can only control their own. They make decisions about what they are going to do, and they stick to it.

Sometimes the sticking to it can be kind of hard. When Livy was a volatile toddler (dude, you have no idea!), she had tantrums in public places pretty often. I decided that I wouldn't let her disrupt everyone, so every time she cried or screamed loudly, we went home. It was hard to leave a store I really wanted to go to or to leave a restaurant. But I did it.

The follow-through is important for two reasons. Children (and adults) learn whether or not to believe what you say about yourself by watching to see if you actually do it. And even more important, if you decide to do something and know it is right, not to follow through shows a lack of integrity. Doing what we know is right is not only good for our kids, but it is good for us, as all virtuous behavior is.

When Effective Communication Fails

2011-08-08T06:27:00.002-04:00

When Jenn and I teach our Effective Communication class for adults, we teach participants a script for sharing their feelings honestly and kindly, for listening to the feelings of their partner, friend, or co-worker, and for finding solutions that will work for both people. After the attendees practice this joint problem solving, we often get the question: What do you do when the person that you are communicating with doesn't know how to communicate effectively or won't? I had a recent experience that made the answer that we usually give more clear to me.

A friend and I had an argument. It started with a misunderstanding, which I escalated by making a snotty reply. I apologized for my nasty reply and started the communication process. After a few emails were exchanged, in which I explained my feelings, tried to get a grasp on his, and started groping around for a solution to heal our friendship and move on better than ever, he refused to talk about it anymore. He decided he isn't good at or comfortable with this kind of honest and personal communication and that he wasn't going to do it anymore.

This leaves our friendship at basically an acquaintanceship, since he's made it clear that we can't really talk about things that are important or difficult. This makes me super sad because he was a person I was really looking forward to knowing better over the years. I still feel angry (at least a little bit) and hurt because our situation never got resolved and never will be. Basically, as far as helping our relationship, this effort at communication was a big fail.

But I did what Jenn and I advise our class to do, when they want to know how to handle a person who doesn't want to communicate: I used a positive discipline tool card called Decide What You Will Do. The basic idea is that you cannot control other people; you cannot make them behave in the way you want, believe what you want, care about what you want. The only person whose behavior is really within my control is me. So, in a situation where the person I am communicating with is not responding the way I would like, all I can do is decide what I will do.

In my situation, I decided that I will continue to communicate my feelings honestly and openly, though I wasn't getting back exactly what I would like. I decided that I would tell this person what I really needed, though I was unlikely to get it. I decided that I would work toward reconciliation and understanding as long as the other person was willing to talk. And when he was no longer willing to communicate, I decided how much contact I was willing to have with him and on what level our relationship can exist.

By communicating my apology and my feelings and my desire to work through the problem, I actually gained a lot. I practiced my communication skills in a hard emotional situation. I clarified for myself exactly what I was upset about and what my needs were and ways I had contributed to the problem. I identified another instance of a mistake I make reasonably often (letting my temper flare when I feel upset without getting all the facts), and I am working hard to fix it. I got new information about a person that I needed to know (if someone doesn't want to deal with issues, we probably shouldn't be friends). And I get to be proud of my attempts to be virtuous, to handle problems rationally, to express myself honestly, and to work toward integrating my beliefs and my actions.

So really, this communication was not a failure. As long as I strive for good communication, deciding to do the things that I know are right and carrying them out, the process has worked for me, even if it doesn't always work for the relationship. I have been successful with the only part of the process that is in my control.

Positive Discipline Tool Card: Special Time

2011-08-03T11:23:00.004-04:00

First of all, let me say that the name of this card, Special Time, kind of makes me want to barf. I don't know why; perhaps one of my X chromosomes is damaged in some way. But I wish it was called "Do something cool together" or "Spend time with the people you love" or even the dreaded "Quality time." But when I can get past the name, I really love this card.

(You can find these cards here, and there's even an IPhone app. The cards are reminders of how many great tools are in our kits that we sometimes forget to use.)

The card says, "Schedule special time that is different from regular time. 1. Take the phone off the hook. 2. Take turns choosing an activity you both enjoy from a list you have brainstormed together. 3. Age guidelines: 2-6 years old - 10 min/day, 7-12 years old - at least 30 min/week, 13 and older - once a month something your teen can't resist."

I love this card because Livy and I are very different. We like to do different things a lot of the time, and though we spend A LOT of time together (ask any homeschooler just how much), it's not always doing something together (not just next to each other) that both of us just love. When we do this, I notice that we talk more, we argue less, and much less discipline is required because it's so easy to be respectful of each other.

I feel like the times might be kind of small, but if I worked away from Livy and if I had lots of kids, maybe I would see that differently.

So what does this have to do with discipline, you may ask? I touched on this above; when we are all filled up with loving each other, we get along better. We have fewer arguments to problem solve about, and we are more willing to help each other with chores and problems.

Focused time for us to be together prevents either of us from feeling left out or overlooked. A lot of poor behavior can spring from the desire to get noticed, to get some attention; check out my post on the Mistaken Goal chart. And not just Livy's behavior either. When I feel left out of her life and like we are growing apart, I get snarky and bossy. This card helps me too! As all positive discipline tools do!

Finally, this card improves discipline because so much of positive discipline has to do with joint problem solving and effective communication. Much of what we do boils down to:

I feel ______ because ________, and I wish ______, followed by trying to find mutually agreeable solutions. Why on earth should either of us listen to the other or care about the other's feelings if we aren't feeling close? I don't stop and use effective communication on random loiterers in the street. If I want this kind of problem solving to work, we have to be highly invested in each other's happiness and moral development.

So what do we do for this special time? Livy loves to fall asleep in my bed at night, and that's a great special time for us. We get all cuddled up, and she just drifts off as we watch a movie or as Aaron and I chat. We go to Whitewater together and do waterslides. We play games, like Yahtzee or Skip-bo. We listen to audiobooks together. And I make sure to let Livy know that these times are really important to me; time spent with her is essential to my happiness, and I want her to know it.

A picture of Livy falling asleep on me, one of the activities both of us love that makes us feel super connected.

6 Months of Books

2011-08-02T10:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I have done a post telling you what I am reading, so I thought I'd pull out my trusty book journal and get to it.

First, a few fun stats. So far this year, I have read 44 books. 16 of them have been rereads, which is actually kind of low for me. I guess I have been on a new book streak. 8 of them were non-fiction.

Since I know everyone is dying to know exactly what I read, I think I am going to list all those 44 books and intersperse comments.

January

The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
Rhetorica Ad Herennium (in translation) by an unknown author -- (If you are interested in the techniques of persuasive writing, this is a fabulous text. Very old, but very relevant.)
Greek Declamation by DA Russell
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

February

De Oratore by Cicero (in translation)
"A Rhetorician's Vade Mecum" by Lucian (in translation) - not book length
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
In the Arms of Mr. Darcy by Sharon Lathan (Mostly trash, but I just love Mr. Darcy.)

March

Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and Emma by Jane Austen (This time, I think Mansfield Park was my favorite. Oh, Jane Austen, how do always change so, though you've been dead for hundreds of years?)
Captain Wentworth's Diary by Amanda Grange (Absolute trash, but I just love Captain Wentworth.)

April

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (Elizabeth Gaskell is the clear highlight of all the new books I read this year so far. Diana Hsieh recommended her, and I was not disappointed. I liked Wives and Daughters best, but North and South was also delightful. Where else can you find a good man who is also an industrialist in good literature? I didn't like Mary Barton so much as these two. It was too focused on the poor in a dingy town from me to love it. I missed my country characters that you get in North and South and in Wives and Daughters. Fans of Jane Austen should definitely try Elizabeth Gaskell.)
The Millionaire's Dinner Party: Adapted from the Satyricon by Petronius (in Latin) (Freaking hilarious. Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler have nothing on the Romans.)
Dead Until Dark, Living Dead in Dallas, and Dead in the Family by Charlaine Harris
Lanterns on the Levee by William Alexander Percy (This book is the most poetic prose I have ever read. The feelings its author has about the South, about Sewanee, about cemeteries are almost exactly like mine. However, beware the racism. It was written long ago.
Lives of the Sophists by Philostratus (in translation)
Institutes of Oratory by Quintilian (in translation)
On Christian Doctrine by Augustine (in translation)

May

Club Dead, Dead to the World, Dead Reckoning, and Dead as a Doornail by Charlaine Harris
D'Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling (What can I even say about this? If you haven't read Harry Potter by now, there is clearly something wrong with you that may be incurable.)
Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell

June

The Darcy's and the Bingleys by Marsha Altman (Mr. Darcy buys a copy of the Kama Sutra for Bingley on his marriage. Total trash. But have I mentioned how I love Mr. Darcy?)
Ender's Game, Ender's Shadow, Shadow of the Hegemon, Shadow Puppets, Shadow of the Giant, Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, and Children of the Mind by Orson Scott Card (Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow get the number two spot after Elizabeth Gaskell for how much I adore them and where have they been all my life. I've never read sci-fi like this before. Go read it, even if you don't read science fiction. They are acutally well-written.)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling

July, so far

Mary Barton by Elizabeth Gaskell
Bangladesh by Tamara B Orr (I don't really recommend this book or this country.)
The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Currently Reading

Before the Dawn: Recovering the Lost History of Our Ancestors by Nicholas Wade (Love this book so far. Lots of newer genetic information confirming or calling into question older theories based on the fossil record and archaeological findings. Very readable.)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
The Romantic Manifesto and The Virtue of Selfishness by Ayn Rand
Values of Harry Potter by Ari Armstrong (will be reviewing this before too long)
How to Write a Sentence and How to Read One by Stanley Fish (The exciting and fun alternative to Strunk and White. Stanley Fish is a wonderful writer, and I like his rhetorical way of approaching writing.
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (reading it again in research mode)
selections from Livy's Legends of Early Rome (in Latin)

So, what are you reading?

Newest Podcast! Brainstorming a Parenting Problem!

2011-08-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

Yay! Another episode! Please forgive the buzzing in the background; we're trying to figure it out.

Situation of the Week: Handling problems among children when some of the children are ignoring another

Topic: Brainstorming Parenting Problems--Kelly and Jenn discuss a problem that Kelly is having and come up with some solutions together (begins 6:01)

Q & A: What should you do when other people try to force their kids to share or give stuff to your kids? (begins 21:11)

We hope you enjoy this episode!

You can listen here, or download from our podcast site.

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Send feedback and comments to cultivatingthevirtues@gmail.com. And send your questions for our Q & A section to our Google Moderator page.

Racism and My Childhood in Mississippi: Inspired by The Help by Kathryn Stockett

2011-07-30T19:21:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett (a novel about the relationships between black maids and their white employers set in Jackson in the mid 60s), and I enjoyed it very much. But this post is not a book review. After reading Kathryn's afterward about growing up in Mississippi and about writing the book, I feel inspired to write a few memories about racism from my childhood.

I am 32 years old, so I grew up in the 80s and 90s. That sounds all modern when you write it out like that, but it's not quite that simple. We were integrated, of course--sort of. Black children went to school with me; my Girl Scout troop had black and white girls; and black people could go into all the public places.

But we weren't really all that integrated, except legally. There were (and are) black and white churches, black and white neighborhoods. I hardly ever saw interracial couples until I came to Atlanta, and when I did it was a shock. Only white trash girls dated black boys, and I cannot remember ever seeing a white boy with a black girl.

At school, black and white kids segregated themselves completely by middle school. You could be friendly with kids of the other race, but you weren't really friends. I had a black girl that I called my friend (and I wish we realy could have been), but when my mom and I drove her home from school, we had to drop her off two blocks away from her house so that her daddy wouldn't see her get out of the car with a white lady. I remember once when she went to church with me. That's literally all I remember; it was a shocking enough thing to do that such a little nothing event still stands out after all these years.

I remember that the word "nigger" was used in ways that were so commonplace that it almost lost the power of a racial slur, like calling a wimpy boy "pussy" or calling a disappointing event "gay." My parents were very progressive, and I would never have said such a nasty, racist word, but I frequently heard a game called "nigger-ball" or a kind of firecracker called a "nigger-chaser." I knew that it was wrong to use that word, but it was only years later that I really understood how built-in the racism is when little children use names like that completely nonchalantly.

When I was learning to drive, my mom took me to a cemetary to practice. We stopped when we saw a very newly and terribly defaced grave. It was James Cheney, a young black man who was killed along with two other civil rights activists in Philadelphia, not far from my hometown, in 1964. It was still being defaced, apparently, in 1995.

One of the murderers, Edgar Ray Killen, a local preacher, was acquitted at the first trial, but he was retried and convicted in 2005. It was a big freaking deal then. I was so proud because I had heard the story of how my mother had driven one of my relatives to a homecoming in a church where Edgar Ray Killen was going to preach, and she wouldn't go in. She just sat in the car. Thank god Mississippi finally did what my mother had known all along was right.

I was slapped once in a racially-motivated incident. A little friend of mine, a truly sweet girl, won our class's citizenship award. Another girl in the class said to me that she only got it because she was white. I replied, "She won because she is way nicer than you." She slapped me across the face, hard. Of course, I just tattled on her because I was Hermione Granger all the way. I wish I could tell you that I slapped her right back. That would make a better story.

When I was in about the 7th grade, I entered an essay contest for Martin Luther King's birthday. It was good. I remember nothing about it but that it was really good. I always won everything. That's bragging, I know, but you have to understand that I was a far better writer than any child in school. I didn't win the essay contest, and I was pretty sad. But when I found out who won, a girl that I knew could not have written an essay better than mine, I was furious. I remember my dad explaining to me that they were not going to pick a white child, that would look bad for publicity. I cried and cried and yelled Martin Luther King quotes about the content of someone's character (and essay) being the important thing. And I remember my dad saying, "You're right. MLK would be horrified. But this is the way things are."

I don't know what to say about all these things. They are wrong, all of them, though some much more horrible than others. I just wanted to get them down, to share them with people who may not have grown up with that kind of thing. I just wanted to say that it's not as over as some people think it is.

Why I am Taking Anthropology in the Fall

2011-07-27T10:38:00.003-04:00

No, I haven't changed my degree program. I am still booking along toward my master's degree in rhetoric and composition. My schedule for fall includes Enlightenment Rhetoric and Writing and Research Methodology. I am hoping to present on using positive discipline in college pedagogy at a conference, and I am planning a paper on classical rhetoric in Ender's Game. I am right on track with all that English department goodness.

But, I am also signed up for Intro to Anthropology. It doesn't have one bit to do with my degree. It has nothing to do with my academic background. It's just fun.

Every semester, I try to take a class just for fun, a class that I am interested in for it's own sake, a class that is new and exciting. I like to take languages; my last semester fun class was Latin. This semester, I also considered a math class and Ancient Hebrew.

I consider learning different and exciting subjects as one of the great benefits of being in a university setting for most of my week. Everywhere I go, there are professors and students who are engrossed in studying subjects I know nothing about. The library is full of books about things I never imagined. The schedule is packed with courses I would love to take, majors I would love to have, if only I had all the time in the world.

The cool thing is that right now I do have a lot of time. I definitely have time for the workload of one undergraduate course. And for that little bit of extra time I put in, I get the feeling of branching out, of integrating far flung subjects into my mental picture of the world. I get the excitement of learning the basics of a new subject. I get the chance to be a wanderer in the university, not a provincial citizen of one department, but a globe-trotter.

Rhetoric: Who Needs It?

2011-07-25T19:52:00.005-04:00

This post was inspired by a conversation at our Ender's Game reading group when we were discussing Ender's leadership abilities and the ability to manipulate people. To the person who disagreed with me, I hope you don't feel attacked. I think this is a terribly interesting topic, and I'm glad to have a chance to clarify my thoughts about it.

The person basically said that she didn't like it when people used their skills/people manipulation/rhetoric (though she didn't use that word). She wishes that people would just be honest and basically tell the flat out, unbiased, neutral truth. She was a little appalled that I would intentionally arrange situations to bring people together or keep them apart at a social gathering.

The thing is, I don't believe there is a flat out, unbiased, neutral truth in human communication. By choosing words, gestures, tones of voice, and body language, we choose connotations. It is impossible to strip human communication of connotation. We can't make it neutral because we can't strip the human out of the communication. Even in writing, word choice and syntax carry connotation.

Some people are better at using these forms of rhetoric than others. Some can choose their words and tones and gestures (usually subconsciously, I think) to give their ideas the connotations they intend. Some can smooth social situations so that everyone has a better time by manipulating the situation. Some can make truth easier to hear or easier for a specific person to understand. These people do this by using rhetoric.

Rhetoric does not mean lies. It means constructing the content and form of the communication in the most effective way for both the communicator and the audience. People do use it for bad, lying purposes. But pedophiles lure children into vans with puppies (at least in the movies); that doesn't make puppies deceitful.

I believe that there are two kinds of people: ones who use rhetoric effectively and on purpose and ones who use it accidentally and (usually) ineffectively. It's like Ayn Rand's essay "Philosophy: Who Needs It?"; you can consciously choose your philosophy (and the way you communicate) or you can do it subconsciously. But no one can keep clear of a philosophy, just as no one can tell the flat-out, unbiased, neutral truth. We cannot escape the fact that language is connotative.

It's also my wish that we could get rid of a disdain for socially-skilled people, along with the idea that rhetoric is inherently deceitful. Without the kinds of things these people do--smoothing over awkward social situations, making connections between people who would like each other, seeing that people who dislike each other aren't forced into contact, and cementing groups together by tying themselves to lots of individual members--,social groups wouldn't function nearly so well. Businesses, organizations, teams, and groups of friends would fall into disrepair.

People with really good social skills who work a room or manipulate situations (when they use their powers for good) are not being deceitful or dishonest. They are using rhetoric and making the most of human communication.

Guilt About Traveling Without Livy

2011-07-25T10:58:00.000-04:00

I am immersed in Mommy Guilt. For those of you who have experienced it, you know that it's worse than anything, even ginormous spiders. All good parents want to do what's best for their children, want to give them everything in our power, want to be a really great parent. And when I have doubts about a decision I am making about Livy, that's when I feel this awful pressing weight of guilt.

Here's the situation:

I am planning a 3 week trip to either England or to Turkey and Greece. Aaron gave me a trip for my 30th birthday, and we haven't ever gotten around to using it. This Christmas break is the time! Yippee! They thing is, I don't want to take Livy with us for the following reasons:

1. It will be romantic and awesome to go with just Aaron.

2. I don't think Livy will be very happy poking through museums, tons of ruins, literary sites for people she's never heard of, etc.

3. I don't really want to change my trip around to make it child-friendly.

4. It adds extra expense, which would have to come out of some other part of the trip budget.

The problem is that Livy, of course, wants to go. I worked it out with her, and we are planning a shorter birthday trip with her to Las Vegas, which I think she will absolutely love (and so will we, without changing the trip up too much) instead of a party. She isn't happy about missing out on our foreign trip, but that part is settled pretty well.

What isn't settled is my feeling that "good parents take their kids with them on foreign adventures." I feel like I am denying her a really neat homeschooling experience, and I am not meeting the ideal of the educated and well-traveled family.

My mom, correctly I think, tells me that it is impractical and a little ridiculous to even think about taking Livy on this trip. She would hate it at least a large part of the time, and we would not have as good a time. It would be a colossal waste of money, and there will be plenty of time for Livy to travel when she is a little older and when our interests align a little better.

But I still feel (at least part of me feels) that I am being a terrible mom. Shouldn't I want to take my darling with me on an adventure? Shouldn't I want to change the trip around and make it the kind of trip we could enjoy together? Shouldn't I think leaving her for three weeks is too much for me and especially over Christmas?

The truth is that I don't want to take her, don't want to change the trip, and think both of us will be fine (though we'll miss each other) for three weeks. So here are the things I am going to think about when unreasonable mommy guilt punches me in the stomach:

1. Normal child development does not require a trip to Europe. Livy can grow up to be smart, well-informed, and not provincial without taking this trip.

2. I did not go to Europe as an 8 year old, and it didn't turn me into a WWF fan whose favorite vacation is to a NASCAR race or to the world's biggest ball of twine.

3. Because Livy is almost 8, it is likely that she will have years and years to go to Europe after I am dead and buried. Now is my only freaking time.

4. It's not only okay, but good, to be selfish about pursuing my own values. I want to look at musty old books, portraits of people she's never heard of, and architecture she doesn't care about. I shouldn't have to give up those values.

5. Moms come in a lot of different packages. Just because I am not the kind that enjoys vacations more through the eyes of their children doesn't mean I am not a good one. I have many mom qualities that make me stellar, like my very high fun quotient, that aren't a part of the traditional mom image.

6. My relationship with Aaron is super important, and it's a good thing that I want to do things alone with him. Not only is it essential to my happiness, it's a rocking good example for Livy for when she has a romantic partner one day.

So, the bottom line is, I know I shouldn't feel guilty. I know I am doing what is best for me and not harmful to Livy. And yet the parenting ideal of taking the children everywhere and educating them with travel is hard for me to shake.

ATLOSCon Survey for People Who DIDN'T Go

2011-07-24T14:37:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone,

Now that I am back in action after ATLOSCon (I was incredibly lazy for nearly two months while I recovered), I have created a survey for people who didn't go to ATLOSCon. Basically, we want to gather data to help us make ATLOSCon more relevant and interesting to people who didn't come this year. We'd love your help!

If you didn't come to ATLOSCon, please fill out this survey. Also, please pass it on. We'd really appreciate links to our survey on blogs, twitter, Facebook, Google+, your local Objectivist mailing list, basically anywhere Ayn Rand fans who didn't attend our conference may be lurking. It's very short, so never fear!

Here's the link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DFZGZG7

Thanks,

Kelly

To Ron Weasley (On Why I Get You and Your Relationship with Harry Potter)

2011-07-22T18:51:00.006-04:00

Dear Ron,

I'm writing this letter to tell you that you and I are alike and that I really get you. When I read about your adventures, I see myself in you, and I wanted you to know that I try to live up to your example. Keep reading, and you'll know what I mean.

You know how you are kinda famous, but Harry is really famous? I get that. You know how no matter how much you contribute to the fight against Voldemort, people just think of you as Harry's sidekick? I get that. You know how you worry about how you are always overlooked? I get that.

See, I have a famous best friend too. We are also business partners, just like you and Harry are partners in fighting Death Eaters. My friend Jenn is just as cool as your friend Harry. She always gives me credit for my contributions; she always treats me as an equal; she knows that we are so much better together than either is apart. None of the awful feeling of being in someone's shadow is her fault, anymore than it's Harry's fault that you don't get noticed so often.

It's not that Harry and Jenn don't deserve their fame, either. Harry could cast a corporeal patronus in his third year. And Jenn has an amazing blog where she works very hard to keep the thoughtful and helpful parenting posts chugging out. But we're pretty great, too, right? I mean, that chess game you played? How you handled the group when Harry was obsessed with the Deathly Hallows? And I am an awesome parent educator, with good classes, good podcasts, and some really new and innovative ideas about parenting and Objectivism.

But it's hard to be overlooked, isn't it? It's hard for you to hear about how Harry is the symbol of the anti-Voldemort movement, when you have shared in every anti-Voldemort activity. He gets called "The Chosen One," I know. Did you know someone once told me that Jenn was "the Objectivist parent?" You know how you didn't get invited to the Slug Club? Well, once a guy I just met socialized with me for an entire party, and at the end, he told me that he couldn't wait to meet Jenn because he had some parenting questions. One person asked me, "Are Jenn's kids the coolest you've ever met?" Umm, I have my own child, dude, and I am kind of partial to her, awesome though Jenn's kids might be.

Anyway, you can see that our positions are similar. What I really wanted to tell you was what I learned from watching you. You handle being right next to and being support to and working with someone really famous. Mostly, you handle it pretty well. I've learned from you that I just have to focus on my own values, as you focus on the mission to destroy Voldemort, and not worry so much about what people think. I've learned that when your friend becomes the youngest seeker in 100 years, you can be happy for him, even if you would like to be playing Quidditch too. You can celebrate someone else's accomplishments without always comparing them to your own.

I work hard on not being second-handed, on focusing on the product I am working on, rather than on how it is received.

I work hard on not being envious, on remembering that it isn't my friend who overlooks me. She is always my biggest cheerleader, and I want to be hers, even if she has bunches of others.

I work hard on doing the thing I actually want, instead of the thing that will get me a little more spotlight. For example, I really wanted to go to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend, but Jenn and I were asked to speak at ChicagOCon. I struggled with the decision because I worry that people will not miss me in our presentation and wonder why Jenn has a partner at all. I worry that I will be more overlooked if I miss my chance to be on stage. But I weighed my values, and I decided to do the thing I actually valued more and let the fame fall where it may.

Basically, I work hard at keeping the sane voices in my head, the ones who speak reality to me, talking louder than the voices of my insecurity. Just like when you were about to destroy that Horcrux, I fight the part of me that talks in Voldemort's voice. I choose not to hear the message that second-handedness and fear convey. Instead, I think of the love that my friend and I share, the amazing work we do together, my very real contributions to Objectivist parenting, and my other values.

When the Horcrux tells me that nobody would care if I never wrote or spoke about parenting again, I just stab it with a big ole Goblin-made sword. When the Horcrux tells me that no one even knows I exist or that Jenn and I figured it all out together, I just look around for the nearest basilisk fang. I shrug off the kind of insulting things people say with this thought: "Jenn IS just that awesome. She deserves every compliment. And I am that awesome, too. Even if folks on the internet don't know it, I know it. And so does Jenn and the other people I love. They know who I am and support me in my important work."

But I know the dark moments, the ones when second-handedness wins. I know just how you feel when you leave Harry and Hermione in the tent and disapparate. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just quit. Why not let Jenn do the parenting education and focus on something else? Then I wouldn't have to feel overlooked; I'd not be doing anything to overlook. I've pulled back several times, tried to back away from our work, decided to just quit and stop feeling like this. But like you, I came back.

It's rationality that saves us both, Ron. We can use our minds to keep away the insecurities, to ignore the slights, to focus on important values, and to choose awesome companions in our work. And when Voldemort is dead and positive discipline has swept across Objectivism like fiendfyre, you and I will both know that we did good work and acheived our goals. And we will have Harry and Jenn to share in the pleasure of a job well done.

Your admirer,
Kelly

Update on our Harry Potter Marathon - more serious spoilers

2011-07-14T19:43:00.005-04:00

We're finished with all the movies up to The Goblet of Fire. Tonight we are going to get through at least Half-Blood Prince, and maybe some of Deathly Hallows.

Highlights:

I love the Yule Ball scenes from Goblet of Fire. I love the burgeoning romance between Ron and Hermione; I love Harry and Ron not wanting to dance. I love Neville staying out til 2. I love Hagrid and Madame Maxim and his inability to keep his hands where they should be. I just love the whole thing.
I LOVE Rita Skeeter. She is just exactly what she should be, and in my best imaginings when reading, I could never have made her that perfect. I wish her role was even bigger.

Low Points:

I HATE Dumbledore in the movies. He has none of the real Dumbledore's sense of humor; he's not caring and warm and batty; and he gives me the creeps. He doesn't figure out immediately that Harry did not put his name in the freaking goblet, and I can't love him like I do the real Albus.
I don't like how small a role Dobby plays in the movies. We meet him in Chamber of Secrets, and then where the hell does he go? He doesn't give Harry Christmas socks in Prisoner of Azkaban. He doesn't steal the Gillyweed for Harry in Goblet of Fire. How am I supposed to sob (like I did while reading the books) when he takes that knife in Malfoy Manor, when I can't get close to him over the whole series of books?

It's so fun to watch them all again. I'll report more later.

Objectivist Round Up - July 14, 2011 edition

2011-07-14T18:27:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the July 14, 2011 edition of the Objectivist Round Up.

Jared Rhoads presents Twead #13: Why Businessmen Need Philosophy posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, "Here are some highlights from our twead of the new book, 'Why Businessmen Need Philosophy.'"

Scott Connery presents Michele Bachmann Pledges to Ban Abortion, Gay Marriage, and Pornography posted at Rational Public Radio, saying, "Is the Tea Party just a re-branding of the Republican Party? Is it a unique entity that values freedom and small government in the way that the old Republican party doesn't? Will the Tea Party be able to squelch the socially conservative wing of the Republican party long enough to get our Budget under control? Sadly, the answer is no. Not if Tea Party Caucus Leader Michele Bachmann has her way."

John McVey presents OTI post #6 - Law of Causality posted at John J McVey.

Joseph Kellard presents The Moon Goddess with a Sun-like Presence posted at The American Individualist, saying, "My analysis and photos of Augustus Saint-Gaudens' "Diana," which takes center stage at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s sun-soaked American Wing."

C.W. presents The Continuing Story in Greece, Europe, and the World posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "The spectacle goes on. I offer some detail and some perspective, but no ultimate predictions, since no experience exists from which to induce. Stuff to keep in mind."

William Green presents Stretch Goals posted at Proudly Selfish.

Benjamin Skipper presents Quotes That Guide My Life posted at Musing Aloud, saying, "It took years to reach this point, but I think I can finally say which sayings drive my life and mold my character to the greatest extent. Do you have any significant phrases that move you?"

Rational Jenn presents Time Travel Tuesday: Because I Said So posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "The phrase "Because I said so!" is not part of my parenting toolbox, as I think it is nothing less than an appeal to authority. Removing this common parenting tool benefits both children AND their parents."

Julia Campbell presents moroccan pork skewers + grilled eggplant and leeks posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "Yummy pork skewers with grilled veggies. Perfect nice summer night meal."

Paul Hsieh presents The Coming Collectivization of American Health Care posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "My latest OpEd in PajamasMedia discussed why the government is so eager to collectivize American doctors and hospitals."

James Hughes presents The Road to Happiness posted at Temple of the Human Spirit, saying, "An Objectivist inspirational poster featuring the three cardinal values."

Jason Stotts presents Podcast Survey posted at Erosophia, saying, "Do you want an Erosophia podcast? Do you want to prevent my voice from ever reaching the airwaves? Come and take my super short survey to determine whether an Erosophia podcast will become a reality."

Diana Hsieh presents NoodleCast #86: Interview with Ari Armstrong about Harry Potter posted at NoodleFood, saying, "I interview Ari Armstrong about the Harry Potter books and movies."

Ari Armstrong presents Harry Potter Themes: Interviews and Articles posted at Free Colorado, saying, "What are the religious themes of the Potter novels? What are the broader values of the books? Summary of Ari's article in eSkeptic and an interview on Diana Hsieh's podcast."

Kelly Elmore presents Ender's Game Reading Group for ATLOS posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "This post describes a new reading group I am starting for the Atlanta Objectivist Society. It centers around the novel Ender's Game and is one of our organization's optional value groups (OVGs)."

Rachel Miner presents Mommy School 2011 posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, "I share my progress so far with summer homeschooling. We're having lots of fun playing written-clue hide and seek, listening to history classes while bouncing round the house, and doing multiplication races too!"

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Harry Potter Movie Marathon - Book and Movie Spoilers Included

2011-07-13T10:09:00.002-04:00

To get ready for the last Harry Potter movie, which comes out this weekend, Livy and I are watching each of the movies again. Last night, we watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I thought my readers might be interested in my observations.

First, my god Harry is young in the first movie. I had forgotten that. Harry is little and cute and less confident. Hermione is a pain in the butt. Ron can play chess, but other than that, he's kind of a dud. They are all sweet kids and clearly brave, but it is unbelievable to me how much these characters grow and develop through the movies. Will that happen to Livy? Will I look back on the way she is now and wonder how she could be so different?

The first movie was pretty good, I thought. The plot of the book was simple enough that you didn't miss much in the movie. My only big complaint is that Hermione's logic problem with the potions was missing. I loved that; it's not all flashy magic. And I love that Hermione, Snape (who made that task), and Dumbledore saw that logic was as important for a wizard as spells, and also very rare.

Even though the Chamber of Secrets is one of my favorites of the books, I wasn't crazy about the movie. It just seemed to jump from action scene to action scene without really tying everything together. I didn't feel connected to it, partly because there was no depth to Ginny's experience with the diary, I think. It was just a magical object, not the way a horcrux should be, sucking the life out of anyone who gets emotionally close to it, like in the book.

The fun part of watching the movies again with Livy is that, this time, she's read the books. (We are in the middle of Deathly Hallows.) As we watch, we're talking about the differences between the books and the movies, recounting the scenes that get left out, talking about what will happen in the books later. It's fun to see her connect the hints in Chamber with what happens in the last two books. When we first saw the diary, she shouted, "Harry, that's a horcrux!" When Harry uses the sword on the basilisk, she said, "Oh, look, now it's getting basilisk power so it can kill the locket." We discussed Snape's behavior all the way through. At this point, she still thinks that he will be evil because of killing Dumbledore, and she's having a hard time reconciling how he helps Harry and Dumbledore with the evil Snape she imagines.

On Vacation with Aaron (Warning: Extreme Sappiness Awaits)

2011-07-10T10:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Blog,

I love going on vacation with Aaron. It's so fun. I am never coming home. Well, until Aaron gets all J on me and insists we have to go back to work, do the chores, see our friends, etc. He has many excellent qualities, but quitting our wholes lives and running away together to an exotic beach location is not one of them.

Back to his good qualities. He is so chill and doesn't care if we just meander. Want to take a detour into Chattanooga? Okay! Want to walk across my favorite pedestrian bridge over the Tennessee River at dusk? Okay! (And we did eat at his favorite Mongolian Grill in Chattanooga too.)

Another good quality is that he talks and talks and listens and listens. All day today we've been talking. We talked about what we think will happen to our friends in the future over lunch (and cheesecake). We talked about Ancient Greek myths at the Parthenon. We talked about what a Victorian person would think of everything going on in the park while we sat on a swing and people-watched. We talked about how pretty the Opryland hotel is while we wandered through its conservatories, and we talked about all the people and how fuzzy they looked to Aaron since he is so blind without his glasses while we laid in the sun by the pool. I just love it that we talk and talk and talk.

I think getting away with only your favorite person is the best thing in the world. Better than bacon. Better than a spoon of butter oil. Better than Whitewater. Better than Pride and Prejudice. Better than the smell of gardenias.

You know how I know that Aaron and I are just right and even better? Because he is the most fun person in the whole world. Amen.

A Funny Livy Story

2011-07-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Aaron, Livy, and I had dinner with Jenn, Brendan, Ryan, Morgan, and Sean. When we were getting in the cars to leave, Jenn said, "Have fun in Nashville!" to me. (Aaron and I are doing a super fun getaway together this weekend!) Livy overheard this comment.

L: "Mom, what is Nashville?"

Me: "It's a city in Tennessee. We went there together a couple of times. Remember the place where we saw the Parthenon with that ginormous statue of Athena and went to the Opryland Hotel with the river inside?"

L: "Yes."

Me: "Well, Aaron and I are going there this weekend."

At this point, Livy started to cry. I thought, as you probably do, that Livy was sad because she wasn't going to get to go with us. I was preparing in my head to give a big rousing speech about how everyone needs time alone with people they love, about the time Livy and I spend alone, etc.

L: (Crying loudly.) "Why can't you ever go on vacation while I am at my Dad's house?"

Me: (Thoroughly confused.) "We are. Just Aaron and I are going to Nashville. You will be at your dad's the whole time."

L: (Looking much relieved.) "Oh, good. I just want to stay home forever. We take too many vacations. Let's just stay home from now on, okay?"

I'm posting this story so that my readers can get a better sense of who Livy is. She is, in many ways, the anti-Kelly. I want to go everywhere all the time. And if people do things without me, it takes all my restraint and good principles not to actively wish that they are having a terrible time. All the fun in the world should happen when I am present. :)

Livy, on the other hand, likes a more low-key life. She likes to be at home, to work on her projects, to watch shows she likes, to go to her friends' houses, to sleep in her own bed. And apparently, she couldn't care less if other people are off having fun without her, as long as she is content at home while they do it.

One more piece of evidence for me to use to understand the introverts in my life. Weird folk, but beloved, so I keep on trying. :)

There's no particular reason to post this photo, except it's extreme cuteness. Livy is in the middle, with two of her friends. The kid on the right is Morgan, Jenn's daughter. The one the left is Zara, an awesome-sauce kid from our homeschool co-op, whose fashion sense is a constant source of delight to me. If I was really secure enough to not care what people thought of me, I would dress just like Zara.

Ender's Game Reading Group for ATLOS

2011-07-08T09:52:00.007-04:00

I'm very excited about a new project of mine: an Ender's Game reading group for ATLOS. The idea is for a small group to study the science fiction book Ender's Game, giving a bunch of fans a chance to talk the book over and giving me a chance to teach some of the best ways to approach a novel in order to better understand it and enjoy it more deeply.

Ender's Game is the perfect book for us, I think. It is beloved and accessible to the group, a mixture of people ranging from me, all booky and literary, to people who almost never read fiction. We need something that is meaty enough for me to find it fun and with enough depth to really explore how to read literature. But we also need something that this group will enjoy so much that they want to think about how to get more out of it. It's just not gonna happen with lots of my literature choices, and I haven't found overmany sci-fi books with the required depth. But Ender's Game is perfect.

I've thought a lot about the format, and I think I found the way I want to do it. During the first meeting, we'll introduce ourselves (Yay, we have some people who are newish to the group doing this!). I'll do a very short little presentation on how to get more out of fiction. If I'm feeling bloggy, I'll post the presentation here when I am finished with it. It won't focus on plot, theme, rising action, and stuff like that; instead it will deal more with how to be a better noticer, how to ask good questions of yourself and the story, and how to pursue an interest that you find in a book.

After this little presentation and any questions or comments on it, we'll begin our discussion of Ender's Game with a lovefest. I don't think our group can be happy or go deeper without first having a chance to talk over how much we love this book, who our favorite character is, who we hate, and what Ender's experiences reminded us of in our own lives. And I think this is a great thing about the group that will be meeting. Because they haven't ever been English-teachered into hating sci-fi (at least they were left with one or two kinds of fiction to love), they still read it selfishly and without any of the soul-killing habits with which they read other fiction (like the game of "find the theme"). They will not be happy in this reading group unless they get to share how this book personally affected them, and good on em.

On the subsequent meetings, we will discuss the book thematically, rather than chronologically. I have a list of things I am interested in discussing (adults/children, simulations and the making of art, the complex parental relationships which both nurture and manipulate in this and other books about children, Ender's relationships with Peter and Valentine, the characters and author's position on total war), and I will keep a list of interesting things that come up from others in the discussion to revisit later. The group will come to an end when we feel finished.

I'm excited about this group as a part of ATLOS as well. It's one of the optional value groups that I think of as so key to the success and the uniqueness of our group, and it's the first time that we have held a reading group for a book that wasn't connected with Objectivism and philosophy. I like this direction, and I hope that more reading groups will spring up to delve into books that ATLOS members are passionate about.

If you are interested in this group, our first meeting is Saturday, July 23 at 2 pm at Stoney's. You should have read the entire book before the first meeting. See you then!

Relief

2011-06-07T10:49:00.001-04:00

Now I know why Dumbledore is so lighthearted.

Adventure in Dresses

2011-06-06T20:41:00.003-04:00

Today's adventure was a shopping adventure. I bought my first strapless dress. I have always thought, "If only I had smaller boobs, I would love to wear long, strapless summer hippie dresses." Finally, I decided that my boobs are still big and noticeable when I wear dresses with straps, so if they are gonna be big and noticeable, I might as well wear the pretty dresses that I want. So I bought a strapless bra and a strapless dress. Do I look like a fashion model? No. But I don't look like a fashion model in my other dresses either. And people who aren't fashion models get to wear long, strapless, summer hippie dresses if they want to.

The next adventure will be wearing it. I think I'll be afraid, but I think I'll love it, too.

Second Chances

2011-06-05T22:18:00.002-04:00

Tonight I embarked on an adventure that scares the hell out of me, more scary than any extreme sport. It's an adventure in second chances. A person who deeply wronged me, whom I never thought I would speak to again, who marked me deeply with pain, wants to apologize, and I said yes, setting off on an emotional adventure of the kind that shapes lives.

I don't know what to expect. I certainly can't forget or start fresh again. But I believe in "Yippee Mistakes." I proved to myself that I really believe it. I believe that people can change, and, though wrongs cannot be erased, I believe people can try to make amends and make some things right. This may not happen, but I believe in the possibility.

I learned some things about myself today. I am an essentially hopeful person. I am more like Professor X than like Magneto. I think that people can make mistakes and then learn to do things differently. I aspire to be like Dumbledore--to give people the chance to prove that they are no longer on the side of the dark magic, to believe that they can try to make things right. I may never want to give them the Defense Against the Dark Arts job (to trust them completely), but I can open myself to the possibility that they can use their free will to do the right thing. I can hope even for my enemies to choose to do right. I can wish that the potential I see in a person can come to fruition, even if we can never be friends again, even though that potential cannot erase the past. And I learned that I like this hopeful person that I am, that I don't want ever to be closed and decided and beyond the reach of the possibility of a changed life.

Breakdancers can't be Wusses

2011-06-05T10:38:00.002-04:00

So I went to Crossfit yesterday. How, I thought, can I justify this, when I don't especially love it and I've been doing it for a while? Doesn't qualify as much of an adventure when looked at that way. But then I got to thinking. What is the most adventury thing I really want to do but can't do yet because I'm not fit enough? Breakdancing!

So, Crossfit isn't Crossfit this summer. It's Breakdancing preparation. When I started to get overheated and miserable, I thought, "Breakdancers can't be wusses. Suck it up." When I was doing push presses and my shoulders got tired, I thought, "Wow, I'm gonna be strong enough to bounce into a handstand and out again."

Some adventures can't be had right this second but take some work. If I was going to hike to Macchu Picchu (another adventure I'd like to do), I'd have to prepare my body. It's the same with breakdancing and with parkour (which I'd like to try some day as well). So Crossfit this summer is the prelude to an adventure.

Science and Art Adventures

2011-06-04T10:24:00.002-04:00

I finished an amazing book that was an adventure itself, The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure. Wendy, an avid Laura Ingalls Wilder fan, immersed herself in Laura world by reading history, revisiting the fiction, and travelling to the Laura Ingalls Wilder historic sites. She records her adventures in a witty and modern book that was fascinating to me as a fellow Laura lover and that was often hilarious.

Aaron and I went to a lecture at the Tellus Science Museum by a technician who worked on the Saturn V rocket and by a model rocketry enthusiast. It was okay. It was fun to see all the familiar Apollo 11 footage, but we knew almost everything the technician said about the Apollo missions. I wish he had given us more inside details about his job putting together the rocket and what it was like to be at the launches. The rocketry enthusiast was just a little too enthusiastic. I wasn't particularly interested in that part, and he was convinced that it would hold our family together Republican-style if only we would build rockets. A little weird.

Afterward the lecture, we went to dinner with friends and then to see the New X-Men movie. It was amazing! I have always loved Magneto best, and this was his movie. The backstory on the friendship and parting of the ways between Magneto and Professor X was wonderful, and the very young and insecure Mystique was a delight. This might have been the best X-Men movie yet, even without Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart.

Summer of Adventure

2011-06-02T20:20:00.002-04:00

So, I am done with being serious about anything except adventures. I don't plan on writing about anything else on this blog for a while. I'm not going to be writing about parenting, Oism, rhetoric, or anything else that belongs to normal life (unless I just really want to). Instead, I am going to write about my adventures.

Usually, in the Lyra universe, I am like one of the Oxford scholars. My adventures (and I love them and plan to dedicate my life to them) are in the realm of books and ideas. But since I don't know what I will be doing in the fall (hopefully, school, but there is some doubt), I am going to fill up every second with another kind of adventures, Gyptian adventures. Like Farder Coram, I am going to see things and do things and think about things, different things, outside things, exotic things, things that don't happen in grad school, things that you can't teach.

I'm going to read, of course; I think I would die if I didn't read. But I am going to read like Gail Wynand: here, there, everywhere. No courses of study for me. Only random entrances and exits into new worlds, coming and going when I fancy.

So to start off my journaling of this adventure story, I'll tell you what Livy and I did since ATLOSCon ended.

Toured an old gold mine and panned for gold.
Read Percy Jackson out loud in a hot tub.
Played Yahtzee, Trouble, Chess, and Checkers.
Canoed on the Toccoa River.
Parked my canoe in the tip of a fish trap and wandered around it marveling at those awesome Mississippian Indians.
Shouted at geese.
Rode horses.
Started my tour through Bruce Springsteen, thanks to the mixed CD a friend gave me. (Incidentally, he talks about dock workers as much as country singers talk about farmers. It's like an adventure through the North.)

This last few days has started my summer off right, in my opinion. Check back for more adventuring.

Sex at ATLOSCon

2011-05-16T12:19:00.005-04:00

Okay, so maybe not formal, organized sex. But at least a class on sex. And plenty of chances to meet attractive Oists. The rest is up to you! :)

The class that I am talking about is called "Sexual Ethics and Objectivism," and it's being given by Jason Stotts of Erosophia fame. You can find a description of his talk here.

What I like about Jason's approach to sex is that he isn't a prude. I'm so done with people who, after chucking Christianity and altruism, can't seem to chuck Christian sexual ethics. Jason wants us all to talk more about sex, get more comfortable with how central it is to a happy human life, and learn to do it better and better. Those are goals I can get behind (pun completely intended).

As you can see from this picture, he clearly belongs here in Atlanta!

Here are some comments from a few of his other (famous on the internets) fans:

"I've read many of Jason Stotts's posts on his blog, Erosophia, and I've found it extremely interesting and thought-provoking. Jason's insights into sex and sexuality are quite astute--his clarity and precision of thought have definitely aided my own thinking on the issues he tackles, and it's refreshing that his analyses are not inhibited by conventional Victorian attitudes about sex, but rather frank and open." -- Arthur Zey

"Although I was never very religious growing up, have been studying Objectivism for 4 years and considered myself to have a very healthy sex life, I was surprised to find that many of my opinions about the morality of sex were based on the stereotypical Judeo/Christian values of American culture. Reading Jason's blog this past year has challenged my views on the morality of sex in more ways than I thought possible, and for that, I am forever grateful! I really enjoy his sex tips and his posts on etymology." -- Kelly Valenzuela

And from my Aaron, who is always ready to say something provocative and in the #AaronZone (but let's face it, so is Jason Stotts, though in the most calm and reasoned way possible):

"Jason Stotts is the Dan Savage of Objectivism. His blog Erosophia advocates rational, honest communication in relationships, along with being very sex positive and understanding the importance of being 'good, giving, and game'. He pushes the boundaries of some Objectivists by getting into unconventional topics such as anal play, pegging, and a new look at roles of masculinity and femininity. Erosophia recognizes that sex is not amoral, and that morality is extremely important to the proper role of sex. Yet it also recognizes that so much concerning sex can be a matter of individual differences, of optional values rather than universal/moral ones, including not only sexuality and libido, but also one's desires, kinks, and - even more controversial - desire for monogamy versus polygamy. I enjoy and recommend Erosophia and hope other Objectivists also discover and are willing to be pushed out of their comfort zone by it." -- Aaron Bilger

Jason and his wife Megan

Jason himself answers the question, "Why have you focused your academic interests on sex?":

"I get this question a lot: why sex? Why do I want to write about sex? Well, it seemed like a good choice, since, as a man in his sexual prime, I spend enough time thinking about sex that it seems like it’s not too much more effort to direct this thought and put words to paper.

"To be honest, though, the answer is deeply rooted in my past and psychology. You see, I was raised by a father who was a cross between a Nietzshean egoist, a Hedonist, and an amoralist. The result was a man whose primary care in life was sexual conquest. Quantity, not quality, was his goal and he did his best to instill this thought to his three sons. I, being the oldest son, tried for some time to live up to my father’s ideals. However, it didn’t take long for me to see that there were deep flaws with his position. Unfortunately, I couldn’t articulate exactly what was wrong with it and that bothered me deeply. I knew that this path of hedonistic conquest was wrong, but I couldn’t say why. Some people complain that they are left ignorant about sex by their parents. I would have been glad to have been given the gift of ignorance. Instead, I was saddled with bad ideas and the drive to discover precisely why these were wrong and what, then, was right.

"The primary reason that I write about sex is because I think that it’s silly that people are willing to shine the light of reason on nearly any other aspect of their lives, but not on sex. Sex is not some magical phenomenon, although sometimes it feels like it might be. Sex is part of being human, part of our nature and of “the human experience.” Further, it’s not like we need fear that looking too closely at sex will spoil the magic. To paraphrase Robert Solomon, if looking too closely will spoil the magic, then sex is a cheap trick indeed. We need to dispense with our irrational taboos regarding sex and take a fresh look at it. We need to not shelter ourselves in ignorance of sex and hope for the best, but to actively engage sex and make the most of our lives."

I'm very excited about hearing Jason's talk and discussing the ideas later with the other attendees. I hope you'll join us for Jason's talk and for all the other exciting classes and social events on our schedule. If you haven't signed up for ATLOSCon yet, get going! It's only 2 weeks away, but there is still time to register. See you there!

Stuff that Makes Life Worth Living

2011-05-11T15:51:00.000-04:00

Day 4 of the 5 Star Challenge is to list "five things that make you happy you are alive."

1. A soft-top Jeep with the top down. In this happy moment, I am wearing a tank top, so the sun is warm on my brown shoulders. The wind is keeping me cool and whipping the baby hairs around my face into a halo. There is a novel playing, something like Anne of Green Gables that makes me feel that small moments of joy, experienced one after the other, are the best kind of life.

2. The feeling of getting into a car that has been sitting in the heat all day. I love how it's almost too hot, and I wait and wait to see how long I can bear it before I turn on the air conditioning or roll down the window.

3. The day you get the next book of a series you adore in the mail. I've been looking on the porch every day waiting, rereading the other books obsessively, avoiding any spoilers from anyone who got it sooner. And then, there it is. And everything else is dropped. Laundry sits mildewing in the washer; plants wither in their pots. Everything important in the whole world is in between those two covers. Aaron who? Livy who?

4. The first sip of a canned diet coke with all it carbonated power.

5. The awful ache that comes with a powerful ballad. "Dust in the Wind," "Hallelujah," "Top of the World," and "Strawberry Wine.". I like to listen to them and wallow in how rich and deep and twisty they make me feel.

ATLOSCon 2011: Bringing You a New Enjoyment of the Visual Arts

2011-05-10T10:14:00.010-04:00

Today, I want to tell you about Luc Travers, his book Touching the Art: A New Approach to Art Appreciation, and the three ways you can learn more about his method at ATLOSCon.

I've known Luc for many years; we were in a college campus club together in Tennessee, where he ran the successful MTSU Objectivist club. We've kept in touch over the years, and we consider him one of our honorary Atlanta Objectivists. Luc has gotten a degree in art history, moved to California to teach at the VanDamme Academy, and written a book, but the thing that impressed me about him in the old days is still the most noticable thing about him: passion. Luc loves what he does; talking about the visual arts sets him on fire. Going to the museum with him is an experience not to be missed. Anyway, enough about Luc in particular and on to his method.

He explains it best, I think, so here's his intro video:

And for one more taste of Luc's method, giving the viewer a tour of a painting that he loves:

At ATLOSCon, Luc will be giving a Saturday course on Art Appreciation, a guided visit to the High Museum on Sunday afternoon, and during the Friday and Saturday sessions, he will be available in the social area to sign copies of his book (which will be for sale) and talk with people about his ideas (he's super fun, so be sure to stop by his table).

Luc has this to say about his guided visit:

"The complaint I receive from attendees to my lecture presentations is that they don't feel confident that they can reproduce the experience they had with me when they are on their own. The solution to this problem is the guided visit. The guided visit is designed to be an intermediate step between an introduction to the principles and being fully self-confident in applying the principles yourself. Through the use of specially designed questionnaires and my assistance, the guided visit is the "training wheels" of applying the life-changing approach to art taught in the course.

This kind of guided visit has been the most highly praised of my presentations. The participants have felt personally empowered, and consequently their own self-generated experiences have been more powerful than anything they experienced while listening to me lecture. The guided visit is key to making my approach your own."

I hope that you will join us at ATLOSCon for Luc's presentations and for all the other wonderful course offerings and social events that are on our schedule. To register for ATLOSCon (held May 26-30 in Atlanta), go here. If you want to add Luc's guided visit to your current registration, email me at kellyelmore79@gmail.com. See you Memorial Day weekend!

Five Things I Am Grateful For Right Now

2011-05-09T06:42:00.002-04:00

My Five Star Challenge got a little derailed by being sick. Maybe I jinxed myself by saying my body was able to keep me well! :) Anyway, here are the things I am grateful for.

1. That Aaron, who doesn't have or want children of his own or have a strong interest in rhetoric and composition, loves me enough to support me while I stay at home with Livy to homeschool part-time and go to school in rhet/comp part-time. He loves me enough to support my values, and I couldn't live the perfect life I do, able to do the things I love most, if he didn't make it possible.

2. That so many good books have been written and that so many more will be written and that I can read any of them that I please.

3. That spring has come, bringing flowers and veggies and warm sun to lie in and green trees to sit under. Spring is my favorite season because of plants, Decoration, sun bathing, walking on coolish evenings, taking the top down on my Jeep, and the feeling of new beginnings. I am grateful that spring comes every single year, not just once. The earth gets a clean slate, and I do too.

4. That Livy's dad wants to have her half the week, hang out with her as much as he can, and really be her parent. He would never be satisfied with every other weekend and holidays, and because of that, she is attached to her mom and her dad post-divorce in a way I don't think many kids get to be.

5. That I have such an awesome Objectivist community here in Atlanta to socialize with, raise my child with, fall in love with, and talk about ideas with. I can't imagine how isolating it must be not to have all kinds of people like you ready to hang out anytime.

What Can My Body Do?! Wouldn't You Like to Know!

2011-05-05T11:51:00.005-04:00

The second day of the five star challenge is to list five things my body can do.

1. My body can (and has) grown an entire human being, given birth to her, made and delivered breastmilk for more than 3 years (a year of that without other food), and carried her for 3 years on my chest, back, or hip. My body is a sweet, fertile, baby-makin' machine!

2. That same body can (and has) driven men (and women) crazy. My body is capable of feeling the most intense pleasure and giving it too. And that pleasure has only gotten better, even after all the effects of #1.

How bout we skip the picture here? :)

3. My body can do awesome athletic things. It can do gymnastics, keep up with teenage boys in a pickup basketball game (yesterday at homeschool co-op), tear it up on the dance floor, squat, snatch, even manage a few double-unders, flip off the diving board, hike miles and miles and miles, and run/walk a 5k.

4. My body is a germ-fighting machine. Constantly bombarded with viruses, bacteria, half-spoiled food, etc, my body hardly ever gets sick. My skin is super amazing at keeping all that crap out, and my stomach is like a tank. Seriously, if there was ever a person suited to be the king's food tester, it's me. I'd eat it, say, "Wow, this tastes funny. I wouldn't eat it, if I were you, Your Majesty," and then go about my business (which might include a pickup basketball game with the royal pages).

I wish I had a picture of me happily eating poisoned food while those around me are dropping like flies. Sort of.

5. My body helps my mind relax. A massage, an hour lying out in the sun, a good long walk, a glass of wine, a piece of red velvet cake, a roll in the hay, a new hair color--all these bodily experiences make my life so much happier and make my mind calm and clear and ready for thinking.

5-Star Challenge: Totally Ripping Off Some Awesome Chicks!

2011-05-04T19:51:00.003-04:00

Since Jenn is the boss of me, I have to do what she does. Not always, but kind of mostly. :) And since she ripped off Mel, I'm gonna rip off both of them and be a cool kid like they are, by doing the 5-Star Challenge. This is my favorite kind of meme: it's all about me.

Over five days, I have to write about:

Five things you love about yourself.
Five things your body can do.
Five things you’re grateful for.
Five things that make you happy you’re alive.
Five people (or pets) who you love.

Day One: Five Things I Love About Myself

1. I am really fun. Like more fun that a barrel of monkeys. More fun than a barrel of drunk monkeys playing Beastie Boys' songs. It makes me happy that being around me makes other people happy.

2. I read a lot of books. They are awesome books, sometimes trashy-but-wonderful vampire fiction, sometimes classic British novels, sometimes ancient rhetoric texts, sometimes juvenile fiction, sometimes non-fiction. I spend most of my leisure time reading, and that's all I am going to do this summer.

3. I am content with what I have, even when what I have changes. Yes, I occasionally need to break out of my routine and have an adventure, but I am pretty laid back about my life. I think that I could be happy almost anywhere under almost any circumstances because I enjoy the moment I am in without looking ahead more than pleases me. I'm not much of a worrier, and I am always right when I assume that things will turn out okay in the end.

4. I am really good at people. I can almost always figure out what they are thinking, what they are going to do, what they mean by a statement or question, and how to deal with them, and I can do that really, really quickly.

5. Closely related to number 4 is that I am a really good teacher. I can determine where people are tripped up, how to explain something to them, how to break down a complicated concept, and how to support them so they get it themselves. This skill is not related to subject matter; given a little time to familiarize myself with a topic, I could teach anything.

See you tomorrow with a list of 5 things my body can do. You won't want to miss that one. ;)

ATLOSCon: Providing You with an Authentic Southern Experience Since 2010

2011-05-03T17:26:00.005-04:00

This post is the first in a series designed to give you more details about some of our ATLOSCon events. I am hoping to spotlight some of the classes, the Saturday evening party, and other social events. I want you to get a feel for the kind of things our group enjoys doing and to know more about the awesome fun planned for people who attend our conference.

Today, I want to write a little about the Stone Mountain Lasershow. On the Sunday of ATLOSCon, May 29, we'll meet on the big lawn at Stone Mountain at 6:30 pm to stake out our spot and eat a picnic supper. The show is free, and parking is $10 per car. People who are going hiking on Sunday afternoon will have already paid this fee and won't need to move their cars.

The big lawn faces a huge Mt. Rushmore style carving of Confederate generals on their horses. The size of this carving is just spectacular and something to see on its own, but when they start putting lasers, fireworks, and music with it, you get this ginormous, Southern, cheesy, fun experience.

Now, you may think Confederate generals and a lightshow on the side of a mountain is kind of rednecky, and let's face it, you are right. :) But it is rednecky in the best possible way, meaning that it is unpretentious, fun, and incredibly patriotic. If you can't imagine how people can combine a nostalgic love of the Confederacy and a passionate love of America, you haven't spent much time in the South. It's a strange pairing, but it's true.

I leave the lightshow everytime happy, having enjoyed cheesy music and animations, having been moved by the patriotic spirit of Georgia's people, and having been amused by Southern culture all over again. It's a little like going to a museum or going to see some piece of Americana. You'll love it!

Here's what Jenn says about it:

"The first time we went to the Stone Mountain laser show, it was only a month after we'd moved to Georgia from the Midwest. We had no idea what to expect.

The mountain itself is unusual--a big hunk of rock sticking out into the sky, with a relief of three Confederate Generals carved into the side. We walked all the way up to the top (about a mile, I think) and the view was amazing. And amazingly windy!

Later that day we found a spot to watch the laser show and quickly found ourselves surrounded by tons of people. I was thinking that the laser show would be some cool lights to go with whatever music was playing. WRONG. It's really laser animation, and my favorite was the animation of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" (great song btw).

The songs--everyone knew the words to the songs and sang along. There were classic Americana songs, patriotic songs, and Georgia songs. I love how all of the Georgia songs were the finale, and I LOVE how everyone sang all of the words and cheered. It's definitely a uniquely Georgian experience!"

Here's a recent article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution about the new-and-improved lasershow that they are debuting just for us (okay, maybe not).

We hope you'll join us for ATLOSCon (this link is for registering, which you should do RIGHT NOW!) and for the Lasershow. Both are experiences not to be missed.

Objectivist Round Up - April 21, 2011

2011-04-21T23:29:00.005-04:00

Welcome to the April 21, 2011 edition of the Objectivist Round Up. This has been a big week for Objectivism! Many of the posts this week are reviews of the Atlas Shrugged movie, and whether we loved it or hated it, whether we promote it or renounce it, we can all agree how wonderful it is that the book sales are so high! So here is the new edition of the Roundup, and here's to many new people reading it and reading Atlas Shrugged.

Edward Cline presents April Fools’ Day: Imam Rauf Addresses the Nation posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "On April 1st, The Washington Post, in its continuing state of dhimmitude, allowed Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, founder of the Cordoba Initiative and promoter of the Park51 mosque near Ground Zero, to serve Americans a smorgasbord of Islamic taqiyya, “Five myths about Muslims in America.” Taqiyya is the Islamic practice of saying one thing in English, and another in Arabic. His article was reprinted in numerous newspapers across the country. This commentary will serve as a rebuttal to his principal assertions."

Joseph Kellard presents My Long Road to Objectivism posted at The American Individualist, saying, "A looked back at my years-long introduction to Ayn Rand and her books that changed my life."

Hannah Eason presents The Real World: Atlas Shrugged posted at Hannah, Writer, saying, "A for-fun recasting of the Atlas Shrugged movie with public-figure doppelgangers."

Tony White presents Post 3: How to watch the Atlas Shrugged movie posted at Peripatetic Thoughts, saying, "A blog post reviewing the Atlas Shrugged movie and suggesting that Objectivists will profit from watching the movie in a certain way."

John Drake presents What are you doing this summer? posted at Try Reason!, saying, "Maybe not Phineas and Ferb quality, but I will be busy this summer."

Shrikant Rangnekar presents Atlas Shrugged Movie Report: April 17, 2011 posted at Shrikant Rangnekar.

Ari Armstrong presents Atlas Shrugged Audience Reactions posted at Free Colorado, saying, "Hear what audience members thought of the Atlas Shrugged film in Westminster, CO, in this video."

Harsha Vardhan presents Food Ministry to target food wastage at weddings. posted at Harsha blogs!, saying, "Food Ministry has decided to target food wastage at weddings. How absurd can they get?"

Opus Dei presents This is John Galt Speaking posted at Ayn and Self..., saying, "No one on earth explained 'Individualism' and 'Capitalism' in this honorable a way. Never ever did history of literature witness such a feat as the John Galt speech. And I know, it never will."

David C Lewis, RFA presents Are You Responsible For Your Own Retirement? posted at A Revolution In Financial Planning, saying, "There was a time when people were responsible for their own retirement. Now that burden is shared or completely shifted onto taxpayers. I discuss an interesting day-trip to a county fair and what I learned there."

Jason Stotts presents Atlas Shrugged: The Movie posted at Erosophia, saying, "My thoughts on the new Atlas Shrugged movie."

Kate Yoak presents Life begins at conception posted at Parenting is..., saying, "An unborn baby does not have individual rights, it does not think, feel or reason. It exists outside of governmental control or protection. But it does have an identity. I describe the intimate connection that begins even as it is just a multi-cellular organism."

Rational Jenn presents The One about the Atlas Shrugged Movie posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "My thoughts about the experience of seeing the new Atlas Shrugged movie as well as how our local group is trying to take advantage of all of this recent interest in Ayn Rand and Objectivism."

Stephen Bourque presents Movie Review: Atlas Shrugged Part 1 posted at One Reality, saying, "I enjoyed watching the film . . . but it has a lot of problems."

Shrikant Rangnekar presents Atlas Shrugged Movie Polls (Over 350+ answers and counting?) posted at Shrikant Rangnekar

Harsha Vardhan presents Back to License Raj--Competition Commission's new guidelines. posted at Harsha blogs!, saying, "This note addresses the negative effects of the new merger guidelines released by the Competition Commission of India."

John McVey presents OTI post #5 - validation and importance posted at John J McVey.

Rory presents Politics: Addendum posted at A Matter Of Mind To Matter, saying, "Something of a personal post, but also something I think others will be able to relate to: the attitude that when it comes to trying to change the world, inspiration and appeals to emotion are just as important as reason and facts."

Diana Hsieh presents Atlas Shrugged, Part 1: Video of My Review posted at NoodleFood, saying, "In Sunday's Rationally Selfish Webcast, I discussed "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" in the "Atlas Shrugged, Part 1" movie. Here's the 17-minute video from that webcast."

Scott Connery presents Bring the Troops Home From the Drug War posted at Rational Public Radio, saying, "It's time to learn from the mistakes of alcohol prohibition and apply them to drug prohibition. It's time for advocates of liberty to become consistent advocates."

Rachel Miner presents Harry Potter Love posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, "This is a combined post where I both share my reasons for re-reading the Harry Potter series so many times and briefly review Ari Armstrong's new edition of Values of Harry Potter."

Jim Woods presents Unbalanced Rhetoric posted at Words by Woods, saying, "Sen. DeMitt offers empty rhetoric instead of legislative integrity."

Kelly Elmore presents An Instance of Problem-Solving Between Parent and Child posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "This post describes a misunderstanding between parent and child and how we solved it together."

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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An Instance of Problem-Solving Between Parent and Child

2011-04-18T08:19:00.003-04:00

For the past few months, Livy has been shutting her door when she is alone in her room, playing or watching TV. I have always knocked and waited for an answer before I come in because that seemed respectful and kind. Lately, I have been getting the answer, "What?" when I knock.

I was bothered by this because it just sounds so cold. "What?" Not, "Yes?" or "Come in." I was starting to get super irritated by how rude this sounded, and it hurt my feelings a little because it felt like my presence was irritating to Livy and causing her to be rude.

Finally, I talked with her about it. I said, "Could you say something else when I knock on your door? 'What?' sounds very rude to me, and I'd like you to answer in some more polite way, like "Yes?" or "Come in." This didn't sound like a very big request to me.

Well, it was. She started to cry and said that she didn't want to say any other words but "What?" She said that she wasn't trying to be rude and that she didn't want to talk about this anymore EVER.

I pulled her into my lap and comforted her in her obvious distress. "We have a problem. We have to talk about. Do you need a break before we talk about it anymore?" No, she didn't want a break. Her attitude seemed to be that if we had to talk about this, we might as well get it over with. :)

I told her about how "What?" hurt my feelings because it seemed she never wanted me to come in. She cried more and told me that she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but she did not want to say any other words. She seemed adamant about not accepting any of my alternatives for "What?", and to this day, I have no idea why.

So I said, "I don't know what to do about this situation. I don't want to have my feelings hurt every time I knock. You don't want to say any words except the ones that sound rude. Do you just want me not to knock?"

At this, Livy brightened right up. She thought this was an excellent idea. I learned that really she didn't like to be interrupted by my knocking and her having to give an answer. If I just come in, she has a second to finish her thought, pause her movie, put her Lego in place, close her circuit, whatever, and then she doesn't feel like she loses her train of thought. She wasn't closing her door to have privacy; she told me that I can come in anytime I want and she'll never mind. She added that she never, ever wanted to talk about this again. Apparently what to say when someone knocks on your door is traumatic. :) I told her that we might want to talk about it again when she is older or if our plan doesn't work, but that for right now, we can drop the subject entirely.

The plan has been working: I have been walking right in, and she has been perfectly happy about it. I don't feel hurt by rudeness, she doesn't feel interrupted, and we understand each other a little bit better.

Garden Pictures

2011-04-11T16:13:00.003-04:00

Registration is Up for ATLOSCon 2011!!

2011-04-04T10:12:00.000-04:00

The Atlanta Objectivist Society is thrilled to announce that it’s time to register for our second annual conference, ATLOSCon! The conference will be held on Memorial Day weekend, May 26-30, 2011.

We have many different classes to choose from, ranging from Objectivist epistemology to swing dancing, including business, philosophy, art, exercise, sex, parenting, and science. We also have a large variety of social events planned, including hiking, eating, partying, and working out together.

Many of the classes have limits on the number of attendees, so if you are coming (and we hope you are!), we recommend that you sign up as soon as possible.

We can house a limited number of out-of-towners, so if the cost of lodging would keep you from coming, please email Kelly Elmore for more information. If you are under the age of 25, we have a 20% discount available. Email Kelly Elmore for more details about how to get the young ‘uns discount (before you register).

For more information, see the conference schedule, class descriptions, and speakers at http://www.atlantaobjectivists.com/atloscon-schedule/.

The registration page can be found at http://www.rsvpbook.com/event.php?403563.

My Best SnowCon Moment

2011-03-14T21:48:00.004-04:00

I'm going to write about my favorite moment of SnowCon, the peak moment. I was standing next to Jenn in front of our audience. Our posters were set up; our markers were out; and everyone was looking up at us. It wasn't quiet yet because we were waiting on the webcast to begin, and I looked out over the crowd and saw so many faces looking back at me all shining with friendship and good fun and interest.

I loved that moment best because it combined everything. I was about to talk about parenting and communication, which I love. I was in front of people, smiling and joking, which I love. I was with Jenn, whom I love. I was talking not to a crowd of strangers, but to a host of friends. The first row was filled with the people I had gotten to know over dinner, Anders and Maria, Maryallene and Don, Steve, all making me feel more comfortable with their recent familiarity. Aaron and Santiago sat together, looking positive we would do well, their faces reassuringly clear of any doubt whatsoever about our brilliance, and we wondered if Brendan was able to watch back home, knowing that he wouldn't have a doubt either. Earl and Tom were taking pictures of us and smiling. I remember seeing Paul and William and Arthur and Lisa and Sarah and Travis and Colleen. Diana and Kelly were working hard to make everything go smoothly for us. Chris was telling us for the 10th time that we would be great because he knew we were very nervous.

Perhaps it's arrogant to compare a parenting talk to being at the top of a Saturn V; okay, yes, it really is, but I can imagine what Neil Armstrong must have felt as he was ready to blast off. He must have heard the familiar voices of the Mission Control guys, thought of the gathering of other astronauts and his family, imagined all the people in America wishing him well and watching him in his big moment, looked at the deeply-known team beside him, and felt that he was being pushed out to the moon by goodwill alone.

There were awesome things before this moment: talks at the cabin, joking in the hot-tub, Diana's lecture, good food, much alcohol. There were awesome things afterward too: our talk (which went really well), the congratulations of our friends, the live webcast, Santiago's talk, debriefing with Jenn, Colleen, and Travis, the coffee shop discussion with Diana about books. But that one moment, waiting for our talk to begin, is why I love Objectivist conferences.

It was the precious feeling of being with people who get you, people who like you for all your principles and your forthrightness, people who are benevolent, people who want you to succeed and who glory in their own successes. It's funny to me that anyone would think Objectivists don't value feelings and people, that they don't know how to be close and have good relationships. Because it was love, both for me and for a community of like-minded friends, that I felt flowing over me from every direction in my best SnowCon moment.

Things I Won't Feel Guilty About

2011-03-04T11:49:00.004-05:00

Inspired by Jenn's post, I am going to make a list of the seven things I won't feel guilty about as a mom. Notice I don't say "things I don't feel guilty about;" occasionally, I do feel unreasonably guilty about these things, but I set the guilt aside as soon as I can.

1. I'm divorced from Livy's dad.

This is not ideal from Livy's perspective, always shifting back and forth between houses and not having both parents with her all the time. However, I am 20,000,000 times happier now than when I was married to her dad, and I don't regret getting divorced for a second. My selfish need to give and receive real romantic love must come first in my own decision making.

2. I didn't cosleep with Livy.

I know it's best for baby, but I hated it. Suck it up, baby. :)

3. I work and go to school instead of devoting 100% of my work time to homeschooling.

Sometimes I think of the Norman Rockwell painting (that exists only in my head) of happy, hippie homeschoolers. The children play in a field of wildflowers, while their gentle, intelligent mother walks serenely behind them, engrossed in watching their exploration of the world. One child picks flowers (of which she knows the botanical names, of course), and the other points to birds and insects and collects nature samples to take home for her collection. Mom has no other delight to match the sight of her babies learning and exploring.

So, that's not what our life is like at all. I go to work; I go to school; I am engrossed by my own homework. I find Quintilian's ideas about the education of an orator more delightful than the conversation of a child, even my own. Most of the things kids do are only interesting to other kids, so I find Livy lots of playmates to share her interests with. We spend tons of time together, but we have never yet frolicked in a glade wearing white eyelet dresses. Mostly we watch TV that many parents would think inappropriate for a 7 year old, do chores together, and listen to Harry Potter.

I love my adult life, and though I am very dedicated to keeping Livy home with me and providing her with enriching experiences, I don't do it 24/7 or in a meadow.

4. I let Livy free-range.

Not only do I not feel guilty about this, I feel extremely proud. My child can cook herself breakfast, take care of the household chores, and at the park, play with other kids on the playground while I walk loops around the park's perimeter. She is not watched like a baby because she isn't one. She is incredibly capable, not because she is an exceptional child, but because she is given an exceptional amount of freedom and responsibility.

5. My seven year old falls asleep nearly every night in my bed.

We both love it, and I hope she does it when she's 14. The sacred and inviolate rituals of bedtime and separate sleeping space make me want to hurl.

6. I talk frankly with my child about atheism, Santa, and sex.

God's not real, Santa's not real, and here's what a condom's for. Just be happy because, if you are the kind of parent who will leave your kid to grope about in the dark about what is and is not real and about the risks and joys of sex, your kid can learn from mine instead of from the kids who don't know any better than they do. I may be preventing your child's teen pregnancy. I should get a medal.

7. Yesterday, my child ate cookies and ice cream for dinner at her sleepover.

Overall, she eats meat and stock, veggies and fruit, high-fat dairy and other mostly paleo goodies. But life sometimes requires cookies and ice-cream, and I am glad she can revel in some "sinful" pleasures now and then. We are not a family of 100%ers.

What do you not feel guilty about?

First Springtime Objectivist Round Up - March 3, 2011

2011-03-03T22:17:00.005-05:00

Welcome to the March 3, 2011 edition of the Objectivist Round Up.

I dedicate this edition to the coming of spring! And if you are still in snow and don't have your own yet, here is a host of golden daffodils for you to enjoy.

Diana Hsieh presents NoodleCast #60: Live Rationally Selfish Webcast posted at NoodleFood, saying, "Here's my latest Rationally Selfish Webcast, in podcast form!"

Ryan presents For the Kiddies: Wallace and Gromit?s World of Invention posted at Ryan's Rantings, saying, "A post in which I quickly suggest a show to curious children and whimsical adults."

Burgess Laughlin presents David Allen's "Getting Things Done," as Integration posted at Making Progress, saying, "David Allen's Getting Things Done is a tool of integration of facts, values, and actions. It is a tool for applying an objective philosophy to the details of life."

Rory presents On ambiguity and searching posted at A Matter Of Mind To Matter, saying, "Traditional Objectivist approaches literature and education fail precisely because they attempt to present what is true and essential with no respect to the reader's or the student's perspective in following a process of *striving* to appreciate and understand what is being shown to them."

Alexander Marriott presents First in War, First in Peace, First in Solvency? posted at Alexander Marriott's Wit and Wisdom, saying, "As we have just past the 279th anniversary of George Washington's birth, what can his life's greatest achievements and most important struggles teach us about how to confront our national debt? This brief essay seeks to place debt at the very center of the American founding and the very real worries the founders associated with that debt and how they built a system designed to be able to pay it off."

C.W. presents The Debt and the Republicans posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "The Republicans claim that they are doing something about the budget deficit. Instead, their efforts are more hype than results. What they have done so far will make no difference."

Joseph Kellard presents Iranian Expatriate Talks Regime Change posted at Long Beach Patch: Latest Articles, saying, "My article on an Iranian expatriate who talks about his decades-long efforts to help overthrow the Islamic regime that jailed him and confiscated his jewelry store before he fled, ultimately, to America."

Ryan Kavanagh presents Unfree under the CRTC posted at Ryan Kavanagh's /dev/brain, saying, "The recent usage based billing scandal outraged Canadians for the wrong reasons. Rather than being outraged that a company obtained permission to charge its resellers as it desired, Canadians should have been outraged that permission was needed."

Scott Connery presents Does Islam mean Peace? posted at Rational Public Radio.

Kate Yoak presents Are objectivists evil? posted at Parenting is..., saying, "Reactions of my friends to some of the objectivist content on the Internet have given me pause. I am discuss why objectivists come though in such a negative light and how to do better."

Michael Labeit presents A Primer on Slippery Slopes posted at Michael Labeit at EconomicPolicyJournal.com.

Hanah presents It Takes a Village posted at Charlie's Bookshelf, saying, "It turns out you can't judge a book by its title."

Gene Palmisano presents Ousting the Neocons posted at The Metaphysical Lunch, saying, "Time has come for the neoconservatives to go the way of the dinosaur, and relinquish the Republican Party."

Diana Hsieh presents Law of Treason posted at NoodleFood, saying, "What is the law of treason -- and what should it be?"

Edward Cline presents Court Endorses “Thought Crime” posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "It is not for nothing that when the Obama administration proposes taking over the Internet, or when courts uphold the idea of “hate speech” or endorses the regulation of speech in schools and businesses and even in government itself, no one thinks is it Aldous “Huxleyian” or Thomas “Hobbesian.” it is immediately dubbed “Orwellian. In terms of totalitarian methods and ends, Orwell literally wrote the book."

Ari Armstrong presents Union Critics Counter-Protest posted at Free Colorado, saying, "Critics of political-sector union collective bargaining spoke at at a Denver rally."

Kelly Elmore presents Parenting Kids Through Difficult Choices posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "Here's a description of how I helped Livy to make her own decision, even when she wanted me to make it for her.

David C Lewis, RFA presents Dear Dave: What's Wrong With Personal Finance Blogs? Twin Tier Financial posted at A Revolution In Financial Planning, saying, "Financial blogs are numerous in number on the Internet. I examine a few and give my opinion of the blogosphere in general. I also manage to rant for a bit."

Santiago and Kelly Valenzuela present The Real Economics of Illegal Immigration posted at Mother of Exiles, saying, "How the immigration crack down at Chipotle restaurants is bad for the economy and bad for America."

Peter Cresswell presents Make Christchurch an Enterprise Zone not a Ward of the State. posted at Not PC, saying, "My colleague Peter Osborne wants to get government OUT of earthquake recovery in Christchurch, New Zealand. Here's his post calling for an Enterprise Zone that was put in front of the Prime Minister this week."

Rational Jenn presents Homeschooling Mommy WIN posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "How I managed to back off of my kids and allowed them to do their own homeschool project."

Julia Campbell presents moroccan roasted chicken with dates posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "This is a super delicious, wonderfully spiced roasted chicken that's tender and has the contrast of sweet dates."

That concludes this edition. After taking a lovely walk in the spring sunshine, submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: objectivist round up, blog carnival.

Parenting Kids Through Difficult Choices

2011-02-24T09:31:00.002-05:00

Not long ago on OGrownups, there was a discussion about a blog post that Katie Granju wrote about making a choice for her son when he asked her to. Little did I know that Livy apparently reads OGrownups and gets ideas for new ways to behave. :) In no time flat, we faced the same kind of situation in my house, twice in a 24 hour period.

The first incident was about whether we should go to the Fernbank Museum of Natural History on Saturday or have a friend come over to do a sewing lesson with Livy. I was completely neutral about my part in these things. As neither were better or worse for me, I told her that she could choose which one she would rather do.

"Which one do you think I should do, Mom?"

"I think you should do the one that you want to do the most."

"Yeah, but which one is that?"

"Only you can know that, sweetie."

Skip ahead to tears, rolling about on the bad in apparent agony, and much pleading. Finally, she asked, "Why won't you decide for me?"

"I don't make decisions for you because I don't want to boss you. I want you to control your own life and make your own choices, so that you will grow up to be a really good decider."

"But it's not bossing me, if I tell you to boss me."

"It's not just about you, Livy. It's about me. I don't think it's okay to boss people, and so I don't want to do a wrong thing. I can help you think about your choice, but I will not make it for you."

The second please-boss-me event was the next day when she had to choose which princess dress to wear to a friend's birthday party. She pulled out the choices, tried them all on for me, and then asked me to pick. I reminded her that I wasn't going to make choices for her, and I helped her think through the dress choice: Which is prettiest? Which color do you like the most? Which is most comfortable? Which will the birthday girl like the most at her party? Etc. Etc. for a long time.

She wasn't any happier this time when I refused to make up her mind for her than she was the first time. Again tears and gnashing of teeth. Why would I not just tell her, you may be wondering. Is it really so important a principle to make me endure all this crying? Yes, I think it is.

Choices between two good things are the toughest kind of choices. We want them both; both would have good results. How on earth do we pick? We examine our values hierarchies and try to tease out which choice fits best with our long term best interests. This is a hard skill, and I want Livy to learn it.

The other reason I didn't give concerns what I do not want her to learn in this situation. I don't want her to learn that when we are faced with hard choices, we look to others for a final decisions. We may look to them for advice, for help with problem-solving, or for a sounding board, but we do not relinquish our independence. Each person must accept responsibility for that moment of final choice.

I also don't want her to learn that it is okay to accept responsibility for someone else's decisions. I strive to be a model of virtuous behavior for her, and I, by refusing to stand in for her independent judgment, show her the proper role of an advisor, friend, parent, or spouse. I don't want her to grow up to be the kind of person who accepts the responsibility for other people's decisions.

Lest someone think that I would never enforce my authority in Livy's decision-making, I'll add this. I do make final choices for Livy very occasionally. I hold final say on decisions that endanger life, limb (in a serious way), or other people's rights. But those kinds of decisions are very, very rare. Other than those cases, I advise, counsel, help, and then stay out of the way of Livy's independent judgment. Even when she asks.

CtV Podcast 13: A Glimpse Into the Relationships of Parents and Their Young Adult Children

2011-02-08T18:12:00.001-05:00

Cultivating the Virtues is pleased to present the 13th episode at long last! Please know that we are aware of some technical issues--I have a lot of static on my mic, but believe us when we say that it was much worse before Brendan, tech god, got a hold of the files! Please bear with us while we work through some of these issues (which will likely exist on the next podcast, too, since we recorded them at the same time).

Situation of the Week (Jenn): Helping a toddler cope with fears and enjoying his self-awareness

Topic: A view of what it's like to be the parent of a young adult (begins 7:06)

Q & A: Does parenting involve sacrifice? (begins 20:09)

As always, feel free to send questions, suggestions, and critiques to cultivatingthevirtues@gmail.com. And we have a new place for you to send questions for future podcasts: check out our Google Moderator page. Please add your own questions and vote for existing questions that you like.

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Science Is a Good Subject Too: A Life-Learner's Revelation

2011-02-07T21:28:00.006-05:00

Regular readers of my blog will recognize that I am a ginormous geek, but my geekdom is pretty well confined to the humanities. I read classic literature, translate Latin and Greek, work on French and Spanish (once in a while), learn history, diagram sentences, peruse ancient rhetoric texts, write creative non-fiction, recite poetry, and think about linguistics. It's not that I don't like science and math; I went to a math and science magnet school for high school, for Jupiter's sake. It's just that they don't thrill me and fill up my daily life.

So, as Livy accompanies me on a romp through existence, her exposure to ideas and educational materials can be a little bit one-sided. Of just how one sided, I was unaware until recently.

As you know, I have been bemoaning her lack of academic interest and worrying about what it means and generally not living up to my standards of minding my own business about her interests. At least, I've been doing that in my head. I've still been good about not bothering her and bossing her into doing things she isn't interested in. But, as I was reminded on a trip to the local science museum, science is an academic subject. Who knew? :)

In the hands-on section of the museum, Livy did every single electricity project available, and she did them thoroughly. It took us about 45 minutes, during which her friends moved on to something else (unusual because she would ordinarily have followed them). When I saw how strong her interest was, I realized that I haven't been meeting her sciency needs.

She is an engineering type, I think. She likes to build things out of Legos and to figure out how things work on her own by tinkering. Math has always been a stronger interest for her than reading, and she loves to hear me read non-fiction books on animals, space, and fossils. I don't know how I got away from providing her with the option for science exploration, but I did. I guess it just doesn't come naturally to me, and so it fell out of our lives.

I've learned my lesson now. Since the museum, we have done tons of electricity experiments of our own (series and parallel circuits, resistors, LEDs, fuses, building an electromagnetic motor, and using switches). I checked out a bunch of books that I think she will like about a multitude of science topics, and we are considering a junior astronomy course at our beloved museum. Basically, I am not neglecting this whole interesting side of human knowledge as I provide her with materials and options for learning.

So, I'm taking a few new lessons from this experience:

1. Everyone is not like me, and I need to get out of my own head and into Livy's. I can't use my yardstick to measure everybody else.

2. Science is pretty fun, and I can expand my own life-learning journey by participating in Livy's.

3. The second I start to worry about Livy's progress, some new thing will come along to surprise and inspire me. I need to chill.

4. That key ingredient of life-learnin g, strewing the environment with cool stuff, requires me to get outside my own comfort zone of activities and materials.

For those of you living with science lovers: We've been using Snap Circuits to do electricity projects, and we LOVE them. The kit comes with millions of parts and a project book, and the snap in pieces are easier for Livy to manage than wires (though we are using those too). She can use the Snap Circuits much more independently. Have fun!