I have found myself in the strange position of talking with a new friend about her birth choices (which are far different from mine). She does not want a homebirth at all, and I accept that. Hear me, people? Cause it just isn't my business. I was discussing hospital options with her, talking about doulas, passing on info about interventions. The strange part is that I found myself kind of advocating for an epidural. I know the risks; I wouldn't want one myself (though I had one, blast it); and I think not having one is a great choice. But, when a woman is afraid, when she is going to have a fairly tradition hospital birth with all the lying down, fetal monitoring, etc, and when she isn't committed to natural birth, I think an epidural might be the most compassionate choice.
Oh God, I might have just given myself a heart attack.
But, I guess I am writing this post to defend myself to myself. A true advocate for women does not dictate to them. She educates, listens, and advocates for the choices the woman herself makes. Informed consent and patient choice should be the core of our birth culture. And as my friend Jenn pointed out, that is what the women's rights movement should be about - giving women the freedom to make their own choices.
So, though I myself might choose to give birth with a trusted midwife (somewhere nearby but not hovering) in a fishy pool in the living room and bury my placenta in the garden with a daffodil bulb, I support the right of my friend to make her own decisions and to give birth in a hospital with all the interventions she feels are necessary. And if people think that is strange, all I can say is GIRL POWER!!!
And just for fun, a very tame birth picture with my beloved fishy pool.
11 comments:
I'm going to write more to you in an email response that I know I owe you--as soon as my workday has been productive enough to warrant a break. I just wanted to say I am glad you posted this. I would in fact think it was strange if you were of the mind that there is only one "correct" way to give birth and wanted to push that opinion on others. To paraphrase Jane Austen, it's important to make allowances for differences in situation and temperament. Not everyone is the same--and it means all the more that I can have a respectful conversation with you about birth options and know that you will provide your experiences and opinions without trying to force me in one direction or another. That makes you a great person and a great friend.
Thanks Tori! And don't worry about emailing if you don't have time. We'll talk more on the 26th, at any rate.
And super lots of points for working Jane Austen into this discussion. She has an appropriate quote for everything!!
Kelly,
Good point about the proper nature of advocating for women. Too often "women's movements" turn into movement for telling women how to live. It's not clear to me that it is any better for a woman to be controlled by other women than it is for her to be controlled by men.
~Jason
Kelly,
I think that there is a fine line between truly supporting a woman's ability to chose whatever she wants and actually supporting individual choices. I certainly believe that it is very important that we have a full range of choices - including poor ones, and no one should be able to decide for me what I can or cannot choose. But I also believe that women's bodies are built to birth babies, and they need to hear that. The medical community does a fabulous job of telling us that we are incapable of birthing babies without their help - including epidurals because we women just can't take the intensity of labor and birth. It is absolutely not my job to knock another mom's choices, but it also not my job to add to the fear surrounding birth by suggesting that a mother needs routine interventions.
I have considered becoming a doula numerous times, and each time I come to the same conclusion - that I just don't think I could actively advocate for women making poor, fear-based choices. So many doula stories I know involve doulas running damage control as medical professionals pressure moms into more and more interventions. To me it would be like watching someone dart back and forth across a busy street - just not something I could do often and in good conscience.
Sometimes interventions can be life-saving. Sometimes they can help a mom have a vaginal birth instead of a c-section. Sometimes, interventions are a good choice. But for most moms, most of the time, I think they just confirm the message that they are incapable of doing what we have done for millennia. My first job as a birth advocate is to send moms that message that we can birth babies.
Melinda
Melinda,
I mostly agree with everything you said. I could never be a doula either; I just think the experience of seeing women, especially uninformed ones, making poor choices would be too disheartening day after day. As far as my friend goes, though, she has already decided against a homebirth and in favor of a more medical kind of birth. While I think this is not the best choice, if she is going to do the medical kind of childbirth, I think she will need an epidural. Birth outside of the hospital or with a very limited amount of intervention in a hospital is certainly a doable kind of pain, the kind of pain that you so rightly say we have evolved to handle. But a birth, strapped to machines, lying in only one position, with pitocin and who knows what else, is not that natural kind of pain. I do not argue with a woman getting an epidural in that kind of circumstance, just as I am glad that they anesthetize c-section patients.
So, basically, I agree that our first job is to send the message that moms can handle birth, as moms always have. But if a mom decides on an unnatural and probably painful intervention filled birth, I guess I think an epidural might be in order.
It was extremely interesting for me to read the article. Thank you for it. I like such topics and everything connected to this matter. I would like to read more soon.
Truly yours
I came across your blog here looking on for an article that is truly balanced that states facts relating to each type of birth without bias...unbelievably I've found nothing yet. This is about as close as it gets, and your preference is still very clear. (which is, of course, fine with me - it's your blog - and your body!) =o) I guess I am trying to see if anyone else in the universe feels like I truly do...Any birth choice a woman makes is hers, no ifs ands or buts.
Ok, well now that I've read your comments I have a few more things to say. Just because a womans choice does not match yours is certainly does not mean her choice is 'uninformed'. Perhaps she is VERY informed and has decided that she is willing to accept the risk that goes along with her choice. Women do NOT need to be told that their bodies are capable of having babies. New mothers are bombarded by this constantly. And just who are these women you know who run around making foolish birth choices? You know, the ones you wouldn't be able to tolerate working with because they haven't reached the same conclusion as you? You mentioned that we have 'evolved' to 'handle the pain'. It's my opinion that the pain of childbirth, from an evolutionary standpoint, is so that when we feel this pain we seek assistance. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not there to illustrate who can 'handle it' and who feels they can't, and who gets bragging rights if they choose to go without pain relief. How dare anyone (who's not an experienced midwife or an OB)comment that any other woman's birth choice is a 'poor choice'? Who says?
(I'm not meaning any disrespect here, Kelly! Just always interested to debate! =o) )
Because there are studies about the outcomes for Mom and Baby when certain interventions are used, I can say that some choices are poor choices. I feel free to judge people and their choices. What I don't feel free to do is butt in. Women should have all the freedom in the world to make whatever choice they wish. But they will not get a rubber stamp from me saying "That's okay" no matter what. What is the point of researching and learning, if I don't have opinions?
But just so you don't worry, I would never tell a woman my opinions unless she directly asked me, and only then, if we were close friends. Cause, even though I can have my opinions, she gets to have hers too, and hers are none of my business.
As for working with women who are making choices I find disturbing, why would I do that? I want to enjoy my work.
It may not be the best choice, but that doesn't make it an uninformed choice. bad things happen with natural births as well. In fact the only person I know who has had a postpartum infection and needed to be hospitalized for it gave birth vaginally. One person I know who had a VBAC had her scar open in labor and later, after her emergency c-section was told her uterus was so thin and close to rupture they could see the baby through it. (Her babies are 16 months apart - she was led to believe 'her body' could do it! And now feels like a complete and total failure thanks to natural birth advocacy) I know another person who had a VBAC and it went fine. I know anecdotes aren't proof, but it just goes to show that you can plan all you want but it might not turn out in a way that's acceptible to white, educated internet people. I do appreciate your open-mindedness - it's EXTREMELY rare when it comes to this topic.
I'm not sure being white has much to do with it.
In the end, I believe that "birth is as safe as life gets." Birth is safe, and we did evolve to do it. But it isn't totally safe. Nothing is. Life involves risk, and accidents happen. In any birth setting.
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