Boobs in the News

I'm going to tell you all a very surprising secret. Aaron likes my boobs. A lot. Here's another: so did Livy. A lot, maybe even more than Aaron, but I'm not sure.

Here's a wonderful article about the uproar when Victoria Secret model, Miranda Kerr, had the audacity and the immodesty to post a breastfeeding picture on her blog. An underwear model posted a breastfeeding picture and suddenly she is immodest? Oh my F-ing God.


The reason I like this article is that it calls BS on the Boob False Dichotomy. The BFD is my name for this need we have to make boobs be for ONE THING ONLY.

On one side of the dichotomy, moms wearing denim jumpers who only do it with the lights off claim that boobs are exclusively for nursing babies. I imagine them smacking the hands of their randy husbands if they ever dared to touch one of their wives' saintly boobs.

On the other side of the dichotomy, I imagine the woman from the Cake song "Italian Leather Sofa" who has "a silk dress and healthy breasts that bounce on his Italian leather sofa." You know, the yuppies who claim that breastfeeding is disgusting, that boobs are only for sex, and that children should never set foot in any restaurant other than McDonald's.

I was glad to find in the article that someone besides me thinks that boobs are for nursing babies (and even children big enough to say "Mom, would now be an okay time to nurse?") and for enticing men into bed.

As an end to this review (Yes, it's a review AND a rant, so please go read the original article!), I'm gonna reveal one more scandalous secret. Women can be both nurturing mothers and sex objects at the same time. Pregnant women routinely boink their partners; nursing moms sometimes take pole dancing classes; and your own mom probably let your dad fondle the same boobs that she nursed you with (if you were lucky). Get over it.

My Birth Story, Told For the First Time After Seven Years

Tonight, I feel ready to open up a pocket of pain that has been buried and almost untouched in me for 7 years. I don't understand why it hurts like it does or why similar experiences don't scar other people as they have scarred me, but I am ready to write it finally. I sit here, crying, trying to justify the public nature of this confession, and all I can say is that it feels right. Maybe I can never be free of this until I pour it all out, shine a bright light on it, and take away its power by talking about it and making it commonplace to think of it.

I'm talking about Livy's birth story, my birth story, and that really is the start of it. In my mind, her birth was not just the time when she emerged into the world; it was the time when I would emerge into a new role as a mother and a grown up woman. It was a rite of passage, not just a medical event, and when it went wrong, somehow I didn't get what I needed, though Livy ended up okay.

It has been so long that I forgotten a lot of the details. The things I remember are probably the most important for the telling anyway.

I had planned a homebirth. This was the easiest choice in the world. I was working as an apprentice midwife when I got pregnant, and though I stopped attending births, I was really passionate and committed to the idea that homebirth was best for uncomplicated pregnancies. I still am.

My pregnancy was really uncomplicated. In fact, I have never felt better in my life. My blood pressure was perfect; I slept 10 hours every night until Livy was born; and I didn't have aches and pains or morning-sickness. The only thing was, Livy was really late. When we got to 43 weeks, the midwives started to worry a little. I know that the chances for complications rises at 42 weeks, and I can understand their concern.

They offered me a chance to go to the doctor and get a stress test ultrasound to see that everything was alright and the placenta was still functioning well. The other option was to use herbs (blue and black cohosh) and castor oil to try to induce labor. I should have done the stress test. Once Livy was born, we found that her placenta and the amount of vernix on her skin showed that she was devoloped like a 40 week old baby. Why didn't I do the stress test? I was just so sick of being 43 weeks pregnant in GA in September. I should have done the stress test.

Instead, I took the herbs (but not the castor oil) and walked and walked and walked. I walked too much. Even though I knew intellectually how much energy it takes to birth a baby, I was so focused on getting her to come, I didn't rest enough.

The herbs and walking worked, and I went into labor. The midwives came when the contractions got closer, and labor was good. Truly, it was. It didn't hurt too much, and I was in that fog where I didn't feel the passage of time. I remember this part of the birth as a happy, difficult, and right kind of time.

After about 30 ours, my labor kind of halted. I got in the fishy pool and soaked in the warm water, and the contractions started to come less frequently. Why didn't I let it be? Why didn't I just relax in the pool and remember that babies are born when they are born? But I didn't. The midwives got me walking again, and I just wanted Livy to get born. I was sick of waiting. Once it started, I just wanted it to finish and to have my baby with me.

By 36 hours, I was worn out. I wasn't able to eat or lie down between contractions. I could only walk and walk and walk and kneel and squat and walk and walk and walk. I was so tired, and I felt harried by the contractions like I couldn't find a place or a time to sit and rest. I wondered if I was in transition, and that gave me hope. I wasn't in transition I learned later.

Finally, when I was too tired to keep going and I just stood in the shower and cried, the midwives suggested we transport to the hospital. They assured me that it wasn't an emergency, but they thought that I needed an epidural and a nap and that they baby would come after that.

I was devastated and terribly afraid. But I was SO tired and so weak from lack of food. We drove to the hospital in our own car, and my ex made calls to work to say he would be out a few days while on the inside I was breaking apart. I remember that when a contraction hit, I wanted the car to explode so that I could only be free of it. I remember eating pineapple, and I have hated it ever since. It tastes like disappointment and misery.

At the hospital, they wanted me to fill out forms and to sign things, and I wanted to scream and rip the throats out of everyone. How could they talk to me like this was a normal thing, when I was seeing all my plans and dreams from Livy's birth shattering in front of me?

The doctor gave me a rough vaginal exam that I was not ready for and joked that "this one may have to come out of the sunroof." He knew I was a homebirth mom; he worked with homebirth moms. There was no excuse for his levity. If I saw him now and recognized him, I would gladly hit him in the face. I would be happy to watch his nose bleed and know that I had paid him back in some small way for his joke when I was terrified and vulnerable. Nothing so invasive or insensitive has ever been said to me in my whole life.

The midwives came with me to the hospital, and because of them, I didn't have a c-section. They talked with the doctor and encouraged him to try an epidural and pitocin first. After I got the epidural, I slept for 4 hours, the pitocin working on me the whole time. After that my labor really picked up.

I don't remember much from the hospital. I remember that the doctor put his hand on my perineum while I was pushing to prevent tearing, and I wasn't sure if his hand was in my vagina, my anus, or outside of me. It was like I was right side out and inside out at once, and I couldn't tell what was inside and what was outside. I saw Livy's dark hair in the mirror when she crowned, and I cried.

When she was born, there was meconium on her. It was clearly old meconium, even I could see that, but they insisted that there was danger from aspiration. They suctioned her throat and wiped her off before I could hold her. I was rabid with desire to hold her and fear for what was happening to her. The 6 feet between us was like a mile of pain.

She didn't have to be without us, though. She stayed in the same room, and David and I never had to take our eyes off of her. I delivered the placenta, while they washed her. I insisted they not soap her, and though the nurse clearly thought I was an idiot, they didn't. I had signed waivers refusing vaccines and eye drops and Vit K, and I had to say it again, but she didn't get any of those things.

They wouldn't let me hold the placenta. It may seem strange, but I am crying harder as I write that. What right had they to deny me? It was mine. I insisted that they let me look at it, and they did. It was red and healthy and completely free of calcifications. It was a young placenta. All this had been for nothing. She was not overdue; she took a long time to cook. I didn't get to take it home. I didn't get to plant it in my garden or trace with my hands the blood vessels that had connected us for so long.

The hospital staff woke us up all the time. We would get to sleep, and they would wake us to take my blood pressure. They would move her to a crib, away from my arms. When David fell asleep with her on his chest, they woke them and moved her. We couldn't leave the hospital for two days because I hadn't had a strep test. I guess they were afraid if she got strep, I was too stupid to feel a fever or look for the other signs.

They gave us formula and formula coupons, but I threw them all in the trash. Lactation consultants came, and Livy latched on. We would not understand the breastfeeding problems that would come for a week or two still. I often wonder (and so did the lactation consultants) whether it was the suctioning that made her refuse to take the nipple far into her mouth for so long.

I feel guilty. It's my fault that the birth went this way. I knew better; I knew that babies come very late sometimes and that I should let things take their course. I wasn't patient and I didn't stand up for myself and for Livy and that's why I still hurt after all these years.

I feel guilty for feeling guilty. My friend who had an emergency c-section and whose baby had a NICU stay doesn't feel like this. Other moms have babies that die. Some women can't get pregnant at all or have babies with major health problems. What right do I have to ache and to rip apart when Livy is fine and we are happy together?

How can I ever let this go? I will never have another baby, never have another birth. How can I accept that this one, this horrible twisting of my hopes, is the one birth I will have in my entire life. How can I forgive myself for causing all this pain, for (maybe) causing the breastfeeding troubles that blackened our first 14 months together, for causing, or at least contributing to, the miserable post-partum depression that I lived through? Will I ever read Mothering Magazine again without pulling back from my own thoughts in fear? How can I make this dragging regret a part of the past instead of a part of the present?

I want to share something with you, in the spirit of full disclosure.



This picture symbolizes for me how sterile and cold her birth was. She is lying on a table, not held, not warm, just lying there. She is being touched, not by human skin, but by latex gloves, and they are worn by a stranger. It makes me feel nauseated to look at it. She should have been on my chest, still bloody but warm and loved. More desired than clean. Resting her head on my breast, smelling colostrum. My hands should have been on her, not empty, not balled up with the fingernails digging into the palms with the restraint it took not to rip her from these gloved hands. This picture should have been different.

Breastfeeding and the Paleo Child

This post is going to do two things. First, I am going to tell you why I think breastfeeding (especially, "extended" breastfeeding) is a perfect match with the paleo lifestyle, both from the perspective of the baby's health and the mom's. Then, I am going to provide a fairly extensive series of links so that you can look into this further, especially if you want to see lots of references for the claims in the first part.

First, let me say that I know that not all mothers are able to breastfeed. If a mom *cannot* breastfeed, then I am so happy that we have formula so that her baby can continue to thrive. I would suggest that anyone who might need formula and is into paleo eating look at the formula recipes from the Weston A. Price Foundation: http://www.westonaprice.org/Recipes-for-Homemade-Baby-Formula.html. I do not endorse their breastfeeding advice or all of their suggestions for baby's first foods. Their stance on the benefits of breastfeeding is not vigorous enough, and their suggestion for adding foods at 4 months is horrible. Only look at the recipes!!

However, I think that the number of mom's who truly *cannot* breastfeed is really small. Most people who give up breastfeeding saying that they couldn't are moms who didn't get enough knowledgeable support, got poor support, or didn't want to breastfeed enough to work to solve problems. Breastfeeding, when it goes well, is easy as pie. However, it doesn't always go well, and those are the times when lactation consultants, experienced moms, a supportive and fully convinced partner, and a lot of patience are required, if the mom wants the breastfeeding relationship to continue. When special circumstances, like returning to work or dealing with an illness in mom or baby, crop up, creativity is required. But breastfeeding is possible in all kinds of crazy situations, if the mom is motivated and properly supported.

So, why is breastfeeding so compatible with the paleo lifestyle? Because, just as our bodies evolved to require fats and meats and veggies and all that other awesome paleo food, the bodies of our young evolved to require mother's milk. Female human bodies evolved to make the ideal food for our children out of all those awesome paleo foods she was eating. By breastfeeding, we are giving our children and our own post-partum bodies what they evolved to need. Below you will find several links detailing the benefits of breastfeeding for moms and babies.

We, as knowledgeable paleo eaters, should be suspicious of baby formula, even the homemade kind. We have learned in other contexts that pseudo-food, even if it keeps us alive, does not lead to optimal health. We know that sometimes nutrients we never dreamed of turn out to be important components of natural foods. So, no matter how much DHA companies add to formula, I suspect that the balance of nutrients, some which may not even have been discovered yet, will turn out to be better in real breastmilk made by mothers eating a paleo diet.

So, we pretty much know that breastfeeding is the way to go with little babies, but what about those weirdos who nurse toddlers? Why on earth would anyone still be breastfeeding an 18 month old? A two year old? A three year old? A four year old?

My first kind of tongue in cheek answer is that the time just sneaks up on you. One minute I was nursing a 5 month old baby, and the next minute she was 3 and asking me for breastmilk in complete sentences. It seems to me that you just nurse day to day, and when a child turns 3, it is not like a lightning bolt. She was nursing the day before when she was 2, and she wasn't much different the next day when she was 3. I hardly noticed how weaning happened for us because Livy did it so gradually and naturally. Over time she just nursed less and less, and one day, I realized she hadn't nursed in several days. For her, there was no day of weaning. We just both forgot to nurse one day.

In the section below, I am including several links about weaning age, nursing in traditional cultures, and what it is like to nurse an older baby. There are also links about the benefits to mom and baby of "extended" nursing. I put extended in quotes because according to anthropological evidence (including traditional cultures of humans and other primates) nursing a child well past a year is perfectly normal. One of my sources cites the natural weaning age of human children to be between 2.5 and 7 years.

I think that much of the resistance to nursing toddlers or even preschoolers comes from our cultural desire to hurry separation. Westerners, especially Americans, tend to put a high value on self-reliance and independence, as they should, but our culture mistakenly assumes that by hurrying up this separation process, we are creating more independent children. I think it is the same kind of assumption that drives excessive cardio exercise. We want strong hearts; it seems like getting our heart pumping a whole lot would give us that. Conventional wisdom is born. The conventional parenting wisdom works the same way. We want kids who can stand on their own two feet; it seems like getting them off the breast and eating grown up food early would make them more self-reliant. Conventional wisdom fails, again. As it turns out, meeting the evolutionary need of children to breastfeed until their immune systems are mature, until their birth weight quadruples, and until they are psychologically mature makes children healthier, smarter, and more socially adjusted. See links below for references for that big ole claim.

Even if it is good for toddlers, is it good for moms to keep nursing so long? Studies say yes. Breastfeeding longer lowers the risk of breast cancer, reduces the need for birth control by suppressing fertility (though not forever and in every circumstance, so read up on this before you just stop using that condom!), reduces diabetic mothers' insulin needs, and protects against osteoporosis. Plus, it makes parenting so much easier! That's another post, but trust me when I say that the release of oxytocin makes it much easier to be kind during a tantrum and easier to re-connect afterward.

Here are the links. I will try to give you an idea of what you will find in each one, but they are all packed with information. Some of the links are to the website of Katherine Dettwyler, an anthropologist who studies, among other things, the nursing habits of traditional human communities and primates. Some are the the website of Kellymom, my favorite place to find information about every aspect of breastfeeding, normal and problematic, with references. The other is to La Leche League, a breastfeeding support group led by parents, which was a help to me when I needed information. However, for serious problems, I recommend a lactation consultant. Mine saved our breastfeeding relationship. There are also a few pictures of breastfeeding pairs. I included them partly because they are so pretty and partly because I want images of breastfeeding, especially toddler breastfeeding, to be more common. Seeing normal healthy moms, nursing normal healthy children helps to make breastfeeding seem like the normal thing it is. Now we need lots of images of people eating bacon and meatza and bone marrow to normalize that too!

Natural Weaning Age in Non-Human Primates

Frequency of Nursing in Other Species

Recommendations for Nursing Duration by Pediatric Nutrition Experts -- I don't love some of the organizations, but I find their positions on duration of nursing interesting, none the less.

References in Katherine Dettwyler's Work (the above links) -- There is also an interesting comment at the top about why pediatricians and obstetricians never mention these studies.

Some resources Dr. Dettwyler recommends to learn more about child rearing in traditional cultures. -- Also a wonderful comment on how to take what traditional cultures do with a grain of salt

Do babies under 12 months self-wean?

Benefits of "extended" breastfeeding for mom and baby

Health hazards of not Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding's Benefits for Mothers

Another Article on Primate Nursing based on Dettwyler's Research -- I included this one as well as the first because it adds a little information and is footnoted. I included the first one because I enjoy Dettwyler's explanations.

Toddler nursing: What to Expect

Owen My Nursing Three Year Old -- a post from an old friend with a nice picture of toddler nursing

A Gorgeous Picture of a Toddler Nursing -- And an excellent demonstration of a good latch, as well. They should put this picture in a how-to manual.

If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them or at least go out and try to find an answer.

My Paleo Kid

There has been some talk on OEvolve about how to help kids transition to a paleo diet with their parents, and the suggestions have been really helpful. But, I thought it might be useful to hear about how paleo works when you do it from the beginning, or at least how it worked for us. As a disclaimer, we are not 100%. We eat tons of things in our family that are not good for us, but we try to minimize those things and we know what things are bad when we eat them. :)

Livy (who is six) started her paleo journey in the womb. While I was pregnant with Livy, I ate meat, veggies, raw dairy including loads of butter, bone broths, some raw liver in smoothies, and cod liver and butter oil. I also ate some crap, but I did pretty well over all. Livy was breastfed for the first 3 years and several months of her life, and she was exclusively breastfed for about 10 months. While nursing her, I kept up that same kind of fatty and nutrient-dense diet.

I waited until Livy was actually interested in solid foods (in eating them, not just playing) before offering her any. At about 10 months, she started to try to get things off of our plates, so I would give her a big chunk of steak or a large carrot to chew - basically, real food, but nothing chokeable. She would suck every bit of juice out of the steak until it was grey. Steak has been her favorite food for all 6 years of her life. She didn't really ingest much solid food until she was over a year old and finally had some teeth. At that time, I would chew up things on my plate and then give them to her to eat or cut food up into tiny pieces. We did delayed the big allergens, but most of them aren't healthy foods anyways. She never had baby food, and she ate (and still eats) a wide variety of foods. She loves egg drop soup, any Thai food, beef and pork, chicken wings, grape tomatoes, salad (as long as it is covered in balsamic vinegar), salmon, and anything heated up in a bowl of homemade stock. But, as she has gotten older, she also likes pizza, cake, candy, soda, and innumerable other kinds of junk. I did not give her unhealthy foods when she was too little to want them; no need to give ice cream to babies before they actually want it. :) We did not give her cereals. It's just awful how little babies start their lives out with crappy grains, when they could be eating meat and broth.

Our policies about food are these:

1. Eat whatever you want whenever you want. I usually do not buy crap and bring it home, so her choices are pretty good. Sometimes I do buy things like popsicles and marshmallows, but not very often. She goes to the fridge, gets snacks or meals, heats them up, and eats when she is hungry. I like that this policy keeps her in touch with her body's needs and gives her independence. If I feel that she is eating too much junk, I look to myself first. Am I buying too much junk? Am I not preparing healthy foods that she likes? Usually, if I clean up my shopping or cook more, the problem is solved. Once I had to mention to her that I noticed she was eating a lot of sugar, and we talked about ways to cut down and still be satisfied. She was willing to work with me.

2. I don't prevent her from enjoying cake at parties, having chocolate milk at a restaurant, or eating candy on Halloween. She eats a healthy diet most of the time, and the rest of the time I try not to worry. She is usually very good about self-monitoring (much better that I am) and rarely overeats candy or cake. I want her to enjoy herself and not feel resentful about our diet.

3. We eat out a pretty good amount, so I guide her into making better choices when we are out. If she really, really wants macaroni and cheese, I let her have it, but I try to explain why steak or chicken wings or a cup of soup would be a better choice. She almost always chooses meat or soup because this is what she is used to.

4. We do not do "kids' food." I hate children's menus, and I hate the idea that kids will only eat pizza, mac and cheese, and hamburgers. Livy has always eaten adult food, and we rarely order off the children's menu. Instead we find smaller portions of regular food, like soups, appetizers, and small portions of meats. I do not cook more than one thing. If you don't like what I cook, find something else in the fridge for yourself. I do not leave out spices (though I am sensitive to her palate, just as I am to Aaron's). My idea is that Livy is a human person, and she can eat like one from the beginning of solid foods. Often, she and I split an entree, and that way, she tries many different delicious foods.

5. Exercise is optional. I do not force her to join a sport or anything like that. But, I try to make exercise fun. We have a trampoline; we go to the park; we ride bikes or scooters. She chooses to play soccer. I think, as in the case of diet, modeling is the best way for kids to make good choices. She sees me and her dad (particularly her dad) being active, so it seems like the way people should be. She can do pistol squats on either leg (for you Crossfitters), so I guess she is doing okay!

6. I do not encourage a small child to fast (obvious, I hope), but I don't make a big deal out of missing or delaying a meal. I see so many parents encouraging, bribing, forcing, or guilting kids to eat at regular meal times. I think this is silly. They aren't stupid; when they get hungry, they will eat. Today, Livy chose to skip lunch. No big. The human race has faced times when kids missed more than one lunch, and we all survived.

7. I teach about nutrition more than I legislate. Those of you who know me and my parenting are probably not surprised that I do not force Livy to eat or not eat according to my wishes. Instead, I have been teaching her about healthy eating since she was a baby, and I encourage her to eat well by my example, by my use of my money for healthy stuff instead of crap, and by putting the work into making things that she likes that I like for her to eat. I am not willing to make food a battle (partly because I don't want her to rebel and eat 2 tons of candy later and partly because food battling leads to the kind of disordered relationship with food that I have struggled with my whole life).

Now that I have rambled on and on about my principles, let me give you some specifics about what Livy eats. These are the foods she eats most often (some of these are obviously used by me in the preparation) and the supplements she takes: beef, chicken, pork, turkey, bacon, sausage, shrimp, and fish (all kinds of cuts and all kinds of preparation), stock (bone broths made from all kinds of animals), chili, meat stews, meaty soups, oranges, berries, apples, raw milk, butter, lard, coconut oil, bacon grease, olive oil and balsamic vinegar for salad dressing, salad greens, tomatoes, broccoli, onions, potatoes, eggs, cod liver oil, vitamin D, and a multivitamin. I even went to the kitchen to see what else might be added to this list and couldn't find much. Sometimes she eats Campbell's Soup (cause she loves it), and sometimes she eats popsicles, but I think that is about it. She will eat ANYTHING that we grow in our own garden or get from our beloved farmer.

For breakfast (when she chooses to eat it), she usually has leftovers from the night before. Lunch is more of grazing kind of meal - milk, fruit, lunch meats, etc - unless I cook. For cooked lunch or for dinner, I make meat and a veggie or a stew. When we eat out, she eats pretty much the same kinds of things (meat, veggies, soups), but I know (and she knows) that the fats and broth and meat are not the healthy farm and homemade kind. We like to eat ethnic food, and sometimes we can find restaurants (Thai especially) that use healthy ingredients.

I'll be happy to discuss any of the above with folks who want to ask questions, make comments, or criticize to kingdom come. :) Pictures follow.


Fat, healthy, breastfed baby


Livy, Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and fan of chicken wings



Livy eating turkey leg


Inevitable build of paleo child :)


Livy's actual body type - long and lean and muscular. Amazing how wrong all the people were who told me that breastfeeding, meat, fat, etc would make her fat. Just so everyone knows, I don't think this is the only natural body type, just hers. I suspect she inherited it from her dad.

Melinda Nursing Owen

In honor of another ridiculous Facebook breastfeeding photo ban, here are pictures of Melinda nursing Owen. Again, all I can say to people who are scared that breasts, being used to nurture children in the way mothers have been nurturing them for millenia, will somehow cause society to collapse into an immoral chaos, is GET OVER IT.

Formula Ad Critique

Wow, I haven't posted in a long time! I've been writing final papers and final exams, so I haven't wanted to write anything else. I wrote one exam question for my rhetoric class on Aristotle's fallacious topics applied to current TV commercials and advertisements. I thought this piece of the essay might be interesting to some of my readers. Feel free to ignore the Aristotle stuff, unless that kind of thing floats your boat.


The next advertisement I am going to analyze, a page from the website of Enfamil baby formula, uses the fallacious topic “From affirming the consequent.” This fallacious argument is made when two things are considered the same because they share one or more characteristics. It is fallacious because it ignores the presence of other characteristics which show that the things are not the same. Aristotle’s example of this kind of argument is that because beggars sing and dance in the temple precincts and because happy people sing and dance in the temple precincts, beggars must be happy people. This argument is fallacious because singing and dancing in the temple precincts is only one characteristic of happy people. There are many others that beggars do not share which the argument ignores.

The Enfamil Premium ad uses this fallacious topic by equating Enfamil Premium with breast milk by showing that they share certain characteristics. Under the green oval labeled “Growth,” the viewer finds this claim: “Healthy growth patterns similar to breastfed babies, in both length and weight.” This is the argument from affirming the consequent. Since both babies fed with Enfamil and babies fed with breast milk share similar growth patterns in length and weight, Enfamil and breast milk are almost the same. The other characteristics of breast milk (such as lower incidence of allergies and type 1 diabetes, the antibodies received from mom that are tailored to the environment the baby lives in, and many, many others that I will not bore you with), the very ones that would differentiate it from Enfamil, are ignored.

We find the same fallacious argument again on the same page in the graph of mental development at eighteen months. The graph shows that babies fed Enfamil have nearly the same mental test scores for memory, language, and problem solving as babies who are fed breast milk. This visual representation falls even more clearly into the category of arguments from affirming the consequent because the bars for breast milk and Enfamil Premium are shown at a scale that makes them appear almost exactly the same size and because they are the same color. According to this argument, since test scores for babies fed breast milk and babies fed Enfamil are almost the same, breast milk and Enfamil are almost the same. The ad ignores the other characteristics that breast milk and Enfamil do not share, focusing only on the one characteristic which they do share and making them appear to be of the same value.

Though they are not as explicit, most of the arguments in this ad might also be arguing by affirming the consequent. Because breast milk is the silent standard to which the formula is being compared, any statement claiming that the formula is promoting a health benefit is equating it to breast milk based on that characteristic. For example, when the ad claims that Enfamil is “dedicated to providing complete, balanced nutrition,” what is the standard for infant nutrition that is complete and balanced? The standard is breast milk; we know that a formula is complete and balanced when it mimics the nutritional content of breast milk. So, Enfamil is claiming that since their formula is complete and balanced and breast milk is complete and balanced, Enfamil and breast milk are the same. Even assuming that their claim about being complete and balanced is true (which it isn’t), there are other characteristics of breast milk (like the benefits of its delivery method for both mom and baby or its composition changing based on the individual baby’s needs) which differentiate it from Enfamil. Again, Enfamil has chosen to ignore any characteristics that do not support the similarity between Enfamil and breast milk.

Post-Partum Depression

I've wanted to write this post for a while, but I have been putting it off. It's hard to talk about such an emotional topic. It took me several years after my bout with post-partum depression (PPD) to even talk about it with my close friends. But, I think it is very important for people who are having babies to be aware of the possibility of PPD, and particularly important for Objectivists. In my experience, Objectivists don't talk much about mental illness. So here is my story.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the risk factor for PPD are the following:

• You have a history of depression, either during pregnancy or at other times
• You had postpartum depression after a previous pregnancy
• You've experienced stressful events during the past year, including illness, job loss or pregnancy complications
• You're experiencing marital conflict
• You have a weak support system
• The pregnancy is unplanned or unwanted

Several of the above applied to me. I had definitely had intense mood swings, including depression, during my teenage years, though I had never been truly diagnosed. My marriage, though not too bad at that time, had been a bit rocky. I did not have a strong support system. And Livy's birth was very stressful and her infancy even harder.

We had planned a homebirth that ended in a transfer to the hospital. Livy's birth was fairly normal for a hospital birth, but to me, apprenticed to a homebirth midwife, it was incredibly traumatic (epidural, pitocin, short separation from the baby). I believe that the transfer was not medically necessary, and I blamed myself for not making better decisions. We had a horrible time breastfeeding. Though my husband was helpful with the baby, I did not have family in the area and didn't have friends close enough to help much with the baby. Honestly, I didn't know how bad I was and didn't ask for help. I didn't realize until it was too late how much I needed it. Livy didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time; she nursed round the clock; she was incredibly fussy much of the time; and I was a zombie.

That may all sound like normal parenthood, and it might have been if it wasn't for the PPD. I didn't have any energy. I didn't want to do any of the things I liked. I didn't even love my baby. That sounds horrible, but it was true. I felt protective of her, and I felt bound to take care of her, but I didn't feel any of the happy feelings about her that make so much work worth it. I remember the day when she was 14 months old when I looked at her and thought, "Oh my God, I love her. This is how mothers feel about their children." During the worst of the depression, I had violent daydreams about doing terrible things to Livy; I find that even now I can't write them down. I didn't do anything horrible to her, but I thought about it. And then I felt guilty and somehow wrong as a person, like I wasn't capable of loving a child like ordinary women could. Once, I yelled at her because she wouldn't stop crying. She was about 8 weeks old maybe, and I couldn't believe I had yelled at that tiny infant. But I was completely unable to emotionally handle her care.

I did all the right things, and I am still proud of not letting my emotional state affect the things I wanted to do for her. We pushed through the breastfeeding, though my nipples bled nearly every time she nursed. We did not nurse without pain for nearly a year. I thought about quitting. Looking back, I wouldn't have blamed me for switching to formula then. But, I wanted to do something right. If I couldn't give her (and me) a normal birth and the emotions I knew I ought to be feeling, I would at least succeed at the breastfeeding. And it did give me a kind of productive lifeline, a way to be successful and hang on to a little of myself. I managed to present a fairly normal front; my friends didn't know that I was not okay. My husband knew that I wasn't okay, but I don't think he knew what to do. He was just afraid and angry. Why wasn't this like it was supposed to be?

I don't really know what caused the PPD (some mix of hormones and psychological problems I suspect), and I don't really know what ended it either. At about 14 months, a lot of things changed. Nursing became easier; Livy started to sleep more; and I felt a kind of hormonal shift (no cycles yet, but something about my body felt different). I was myself again. Now I was tired and overworked and sometimes frustrated, but I loved my baby and felt awake. I don't remember a lot about the time before that; I think I was living in a kind of fog. In a way, I missed Livy's infancy. I don't remember her first step or word or any of that kind of stuff. It makes me sad to know that I will probably never get a chance to have another child and experience infancy as it should be experienced.

Part of the reason I wanted to share this is to help Objectivist moms who might experience PPD. I had trouble asking for help, partly because I was too "sick" to know that I needed it, and partly because I thought I should just be able to think my way out of it. If I was just rational enough, if I just worked hard enough, if I just did the virtues to the best of my ability, I would be well. How could this have happened to me, I asked myself, when I am supposed to be all rational and productive and happy? I wish that my ex-husband had been able to get me help. I wish that he had just made me an appointment with a cognitive therapist and driven me there. I was too weak to do that myself. I want partners of pregnant women to read this and have some ideas for how to help. Lots of the advice people give new moms is great, but it wasn't enough for me. Sleeping when the baby slept, take some time for yourself, use the sling to be more mobile with the baby - those are good advice, but I needed real professional help. I was afraid to go to a psychologist because I was afraid of the drugs. But, they might have helped me, and I needed my partner to let me know that he would support me if I decided I needed that. (And yes, there are drugs that are safe for breastfeeding babies.)

The other reason I wanted to share this was because of how alone I felt when I was so depressed. I looked around me, and all the moms seemed so happy, so in love with their babies. I couldn't admit that I was the only one who didn't feel that way. I thought I was the only one who wondered if I had made the wrong decision, if I should not have had children, if I was some kind of genetic freak with no maternal instincts. I want people who might be experiencing PPD to know that they are not alone. Since I have started talking to people about my experience, lots of moms have told me stories about their own struggles, from baby blues to true post-partum psychosis (a much more severe form of PPD). I think our society has a tendency to whitewash parenthood, to tell only the lovely things about it. Since I have shared my experience, I hear others talking about the not-fun parts of parenting, the PPD, the regrets, the doubts, the weariness, the loss of self. Not everyone has a bad experience and some people recover to go on into happy parenthood (like I did), but it is important for us to tell the truth about what happens so that parents can be prepared.

It was really cathartic to write all of this, and if you made it this far, I thank you for listening. I am including some resources in this post so that anyone with friends or family or a partner who might experience PPD can know where to find help.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists pamphlet on PPD

The Resource page of The Postpartum Stress Center (includes resources from specific states)

Article from La Leche League

FAQ from the Royal College of Psychiatrists

And if you have questions or comments that you don't want to share in the open comments section, feel free to email me.

Rachel's Boob (and without a baby, even!!)

For my grand finale, a breast without a baby on it. Not even lactating. Just a breast. Oh, the shock, the horror, the desire, the despair!!! No, not really. Well, maybe some desire. But anyway, baby or not, people need to get over the idea that the sight of a breast will somehow corrupt the youth and cause the elderly to keel over.

See less of Rachel at her blog, Brass in Pocket.

Ansley's Boobs!

Get to know her brain as well at www.johnandansley.com.

Nikki's Boobs! Both of them!!

Is everyone starting to be desensitized? Do boobs just seem like another thing in the world yet? Pretty, yes. Sexy, even. Incredibly useful. Nothing to be afraid of.

Look! Rational Jenn's Boob!!!

And there is even a toddler on it!! Woohoo!!

A Big (and exceeding lovely) Portrait of LB's Breast (and baby)!

My first submission is this lovely portrait of LB (of 3-Ring Binder fame) and baby. It is kind of discrete, but I have waived the indiscreet rule because her husband painted this! How cool is that?!

A big picture of a breast!!

Announcing . . . (drum roll) . . . my breast!!

In honor World Breastfeeding Week, I am starting a new feature on my blog. I'm going to post pictures of breasts (with children on them and without) so that people can see them and get over it. If you would like your breasts (and child, if you want) to be featured here, just send me a picture. No discrete pictures, please. I'm done with breastfeeding discretion. I only want pictures that actually show a good part of your breast. People clearly need to be desensitized to the sight of boobies.