Lately, I have been a worry wort. I try to control it, but that's the thing about worrying - it's not really in my control. Mostly, I am a super chill mom to my life-learning daughter, but sometimes, I just snap and lose my mind. I always lose it in my own head and not out loud, so I don't think Livy is really aware of it. But it makes me miserable.
This latest worry fest is about reading, one of my worry triggers, as you can see here. Livy (at age 7) has finally learned to read kind of (three letter words and such), but she shows pretty much zero interest in getting any better at it. I know that she is only 7 and that she would be starting the second half of her first grade year right now. I know that she reads at a level that is common for first graders.
But I am also me. I am the person who learned to read early enough to not remember it. I am the person who read adult novels in elementary school. I am the person whose entire life revolves, and has always revolved, around books and the act of reading.
But Livy is not me. She may love to read one day, or she may not. Right now, she doesn't really have any reason to improve her reading. What does a 7 year old really NEED to read? Basically, I should to chill out. She has plenty of time to improve her reading, and like everything she has ever done, I feel sure she will improve it suddenly when it seems worthwhile to her. She's one of those people who does nothing without a DARN GOOD REASON.
Why is it so hard for me to relax? I'm sure it is partly my own academic leanings, but I also think that as she gets older, I feel a lot more external pressure about reading. Will people treat her badly at chess class? Will my family worry about her future? Well, screw them. Not really, I mean, I like the people at chess class and I love my family, but their worries or opinions have never guided my interactions with Livy. I shouldn't let them now. I wouldn't force her into trendy clothes to avoid teasing, so I won't force her into reading. I wouldn't punish her to please my family, so I won't force her into reading for them either.
I also need to remember that SHE WILL LEARN TO READ. Why would she not? She isn't a masochist; she'll be able to see how valuable and useful it is and want that value for her life. She isn't cognitively challenged; she'll learn it fast enough when she wants to. She isn't growing up in a house without books and text; she'll learn from us that reading is a part of adult life. I need to be strong in my convictions and not let irrational worries inside me or irrational worries from others make me shaky.
So today, when Livy has spent another 3 hours (in addition to the 3 or 4 last night) making balloon animals, I am going to take a deep breath and enjoy that process. She is engaged in learning something in which she finds value, and that has to be good enough for me. Maybe this will be the interest that drives her into the library, but if not, it's value is not diminshed.
For a post that helped to snap me out of my worrying streak and reevaluate, look at Elisheva's post about her teenage son's educational and career choices. It helped me to remember that Livy does not have to do what I do to be happy and virtuous.
6 comments:
Kelly, I've been there.
My daughter Ella is now 9 1/2. Her sister Madison is 11.
Madison learned to read at 5, was devouring Boxcar Children books before she was 6, and stood in line to get Harry Potter #7 when she was still 7 -- she read it in 2 days.
Ella has never liked to read. She inched along slowly at the ages of 5, 6, and 7. At age 8, I instituted mandatory "half an hour with the book" every day. At age 9, she can read mostly fine, at about average for a 4th grader or a little above average. But she is is adamant about restricting her reading to her half hour per day and at lunchtime (we have a "reading lunch" in our homeschool). She has preferred Calvin & Hobbes for the last 2 years, although she'll now read Puppy Place and those awful Gem Fairy books pretty quickly for her half hour with the book, and also loves the earlier Laura Ingalls Wilder books.
Thank goodness we home school, or she would have been labeled as "slow" and made to feel anxious, just at the time when she should be relaxing and learning how rewarding reading can be.
The rest of the family are avid readers. Ella, so far, is not. This has been hard for me to come to grips with, but I'm pretty much there. I am confident that she'll be competent when she is an adult, and will read whatever she needs to read to succeed. She loves to act, and can read a script no problem now. Maybe she'll take a right turn someday and find she is an avid reader. Maybe she won't. I don't know. Fortunately, she doesn't mind being different from Madison, she's not competitive at all (although a little competition might be healthy), and she's very good at math, logic, and music. All I know is that I will rejoice the day I see her pick up a book for pleasure. It hasn't happened yet.
My strategy now is to keep reminding myself not to worry, and I read, read, READ to her... the more complicated books, that is, the classics like Heidi and Eight Cousins.
Take a deep breath, prepare yourself to wait years, and will yourself to enjoy slow and incremental progress. She may surprise you and have a revelation about reading one day, but she may not.
And, I'm sure you already know this, but it bears repeating: NEVER compare her with Morgan, just as I can't compare Ella with Madison.
Thanks, Deb. It is hard to keep in mind that Livy can be different from me and still just fine - totally competent and happy.
Don't worry, I won't compare Livy with anyone. Well, except in my own head, and then I'll make myself hush quick, even in there. :)
This is a vulnerable side of you that I rarely see, y'know? I always assume you're 100% confident in what you're doing the whole time, with zero doubts. I never knew that you sometimes wonder, "OMFG, is this actually working? Am I doing the right thing?"
I don't know if I have anything else to say beyond that. All I know is that your theory does seem right to me, and if I had kids but could not raise them, I'd trust you to raise them, coz your theory does right.
Rory, what a good compliment! Yes, I have more than my fair share of OMFG moments. :)
As someone who has taught children how to make balloon animals, I have to say I'm impressed she's learned so young. That is a life skill that has served me well and gave me lots of pocket money over the years!
It's good that you are being patient about the reading. I had one that showed no interest in reading until he was older and was given the right book. Now I have to remind him not to stay up all night reading!
Peace and Laughter!
I would have her checked for dyslexia. My second son was slow to read. It started clicking for him when he was eight. I was thankful he wasn't in school being labeled 'slow'. But in college we discovered he had dyslexia which made him have to work at least four times harder than average to remember what he read. If your daughter has a learning disorder, why not find out now while you can help her overcome it with skills to practice that will retrain her eyes. She'll thank you for it, if indeed she has a problem of this nature.
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